The Most Succulent Cupcake Ever Made - Page 3

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Thread: The Most Succulent Cupcake Ever Made

  1. #21
    This is cool, I like the choice to use cupcakes too.

  2. #22
    reminds me of British humor-dry, quick- to the cutting edge! Bravo!

  3. #23
    I'm a huge dialog nut so this caught my attention right away.

    It took me quite a bit to realize the point you were making; the whole time i was getting furiously irritated with the characters ("what if you're wrong and these are the best cupcakes ever made?" "It's all about OPINION!", I'd yell at the screen).

    In any case, I wanted an ending, but i do get why there isn't one. This was a nice way to kind of dissect and showcase a theory, and I enjoyed it.

  4. #24
    I enjoyed it , thank you for sharing. The religious argument comes across clearly and your characters are well formed. Although maybe rethink prune icing - I think it sounds quite tasty

  5. #25
    I think this is fantastic, not only made me laugh but also created two believable characters. Well done!

  6. #26
    Unique style, I like it. I call it unique because I've never really read anything like this. Very well written, I will have to try something like this sometime.

  7. #27
    Nicely written. Great dialogue between two characters. Just my opinion - maybe if there was some description of the setting in which the dialogue took place and of the cupcakes itself, this may help improve the snippet a little.

  8. #28
    Hi, I think your story was nice. I like cupcakes as well. I have never tried those kind though.
    All in all nice work.

  9. #29
    This is absolutely brilliant. I know it's already been said but even from this brief piece of dialogue you really get a feel for the characters. It's a pleasure to read. Well done

  10. #30
    This is an interesting idea but I found it very difficult to read. I think when I got to the part about trout I stopped believing in it.

    "Say these cupcakes are delicious when they taste like dirt."

    The word dirt jarred. Dirt to me is dry, gritty and dusty. To me that meant they were very dry. I think you can find a better word than dirt for trout cupcakes with prune icing

    "You're just not giving them a chance. If you open yourself up a little and try it you will find they are delicious."

    There is a change from plural to singular.

    "Open myself up!? I have tried these cupcakes. I know everything about them. I've read the recipe and I probably know it better than you. Trout in a cupcake. Really? Regardless, they are disgusting and you should open yourself up to the idea that you're wrong."

    Your use of contractions in speech is erratic and I cannot find a pattern or a reason for this.

    In the dialogue above you use the words probably and regardless. These stick out like sore thumbs to me. I think they get in the way of the flow of the conversation.

    “Regardless, they are disgusting and you should open yourself up to the idea that you're wrong."

    If I am trying to persuade someone they are wrong I would not use the words – and you should open yourself up to the idea you are wrong.

    "I'm not wrong. They are disgusting. I can prove it in a variety of ways. You haven't given me any reason to believe otherwise except the fact that you believe otherwise."

    There is just no power to persuade in these sentences.

    I’d like to see this tightened up and made more hard hitting.
    Last edited by dolphinlee; October 31st, 2012 at 12:00 AM.

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