The Phoenix Project - Page 3


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Thread: The Phoenix Project

  1. #21
    Please refer to Post #136 on the final page for the prologue of the published novel.
    Last edited by powerskris; January 31st, 2013 at 11:53 PM.

  2. #22
    PROLOGUE

    My main problem with this is that he conversation becomes a blur. I forgot who was who and saying what. There is no proper introduction to the characters. I know this in only a prologue, but still, even if I never see these characters again I'd like to get to know them. I have no picture in my head of who they are or of what's going on. I think you need to put more description between the dialogue: some actions; display traits; express thoughts.

    I wish I could say something more positive, but this hasn't drawn me in. It would need a lot of work. I suggest trying to slow the pace down a bit. If it's a novel, then you have the luxury of time.

    Saying that, I see some potential for an interesting story to develop from this. A bit of hard work and patience and you could be heading in the right direction.
    Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

  3. #23
    Please refer to Post #136 on the final page for the prologue of the published novel.
    Last edited by powerskris; January 31st, 2013 at 11:53 PM.

  4. #24

    Chapter Two / Part Two

    Please refer to Post #136 on the final page for the prologue of the published novel.
    Last edited by powerskris; January 31st, 2013 at 11:54 PM.

  5. #25

    Chapter Three / Part One

    Please refer to Post #136 on the final page for the prologue of the published novel.
    Last edited by powerskris; January 31st, 2013 at 11:55 PM.

  6. #26
    Brilliant Read.... Waiting for more...

  7. #27
    Please refer to Post #136 on the final page for the prologue of the published novel.
    Last edited by powerskris; January 31st, 2013 at 11:55 PM.

  8. #28
    Well, in that case, I most certainly do insist (If I twist any more, I'd "erase" its existence )

  9. #29

    And Now ......The Rest of the Chapter

    Please refer to Post #136 on the final page for the prologue of the published novel.
    Last edited by powerskris; January 31st, 2013 at 11:56 PM.

  10. #30

    Chapter Three / Part Two

    Please refer to Post #136 on the final page for the prologue of the published novel.
    Last edited by powerskris; January 31st, 2013 at 11:56 PM.

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