Ode to a Dead Squirrel and the Nature of Man (Edit1)


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Thread: Ode to a Dead Squirrel and the Nature of Man (Edit1)

  1. #1

    Ode to a Dead Squirrel and the Nature of Man (Edit1)

    Removed by Gumby
    Last edited by Gumby; April 8th, 2016 at 06:33 PM.
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you値l be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka

  2. #2
    i love your poetry style

    it's very natural and sincere

    have you written any books?

  3. #3
    Thank you Eli. No, I haven't written any books...yet.
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you値l be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka

  4. #4
    This poem surprised me. The beginning makes it seem like the poem is going to be simplistic and maybe even childish, but it unfolds very well and is endearing but twisted with a sort of sad helplessness. I can see the images in my head without effort, and the word choice and rhyme does not feel forced. Only the last stanza feels out of place to me. There is no focus on "Man" throughout the poem, and so this ending feels a little tacked on. There is no real comparison between what happened with the dogs and the squirrel to anything man does. I like the "moral" issues between the dog and squirrel on their own- as a human I can find the similarities/differences of their nature versus my own without the last stanza presenting it.

    Wonderful poem- it does make me sad though because I have a pet squirrel, but he is the kind that flies.
    "I am certain that there are two things in life which are dependable: the delights of the flesh and the delights of literature. I have had the good fortune to enjoy them both equally." -Nagiko, The Pillow Book

  5. #5
    Thank you Lydia, for your kind words. I'm glad that for the most part, you enjoyed it. I'm also glad that your squirrel is a flier, much safer that way.

    The very last line is a little 'preachy', even though it's also true. But the nature of man is revealed throughout the whole poem, starting with the very first line. This is a venture shared by both a human and two dogs. The joyful, innocent nature of the dogs, their complete lack of any feelings of wrongdoing, is contrasted to the nature of the human in this poem, to feel sorrow, dread, guilt and horror at what is happening. In fact, the whole incident is colored and slanted by the humans nature. Even the last line shows how the human applies their own sense of morals on a situation, then uses it to 'preach' to their fellow man. If the dogs could write the poem, I'm sure it would be a much happier one. And a lot shorter to boot.

    Just out of curiosity, how did you manage to get a squirrel as a pet? Did you find it as a baby and raise it? I once raised a baby jackrabbit to adulthood, he was a real sweetheart.
    Last edited by Gumby; January 29th, 2011 at 10:43 PM.
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you値l be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka

  6. #6
    Banned Martin's Avatar
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    Cindy, I liked this read a lot. I imagine you'd be a great story teller for kids and adults (or should I just say Man), with some beautiful hidden morals. I feel sorry for the little fellow, and it's not just from knowing you a bit through in here, but you make it very easy to feel compassion in general with this very piece. For the dogs especially as well...

    However, I felt the same tacked-on-ness with the end that Lydia mentioned. As you say yourself, preachy. For me the tone changes a bit in that sense, and we were probably not expecting that. So it's a choice of readying the reader more through-out.

    Or maybe even, I consider if you end saying the right thing. Because it is not that Man seeks to attack, from what you make evident in the piece, it's more that man perceives more layers and questions the instinct of the sentient being. For me that is, others may get something different. Though I missed a bit the connection as well.

    Hope you well my friend
    Martin

  7. #7
    Patron Foxee's Avatar
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    Beautifully written. Poor squirrel! You're right, dogs just do what they do.
    Last edited by Foxee; January 30th, 2011 at 12:01 AM. Reason: Because it looked like I called Gumby a poor squirrel!
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  8. #8
    Gumby- I agree with your message and think the situation you used to examine it is very good, I just think the last stanza needs some tweaking. I think Martin did a better job explaining than me when he said "it's more that man perceives more layers and questions the instinct of the sentient being". Maybe you could make it longer and go into more depth? I definitely wouldn't mind seeing more of this piece.

    As far as my squirrel, he was a complete accident. My husband worked with a tree trimming business and they accidentally felled a tree with a family of southern flying squirrels in it. They would have all lived, but no one saw them on the ground and they backed the loader truck over them all--except my Hammy. He was only about 5 weeks old, so we had to feed him with a syringe. We were too afraid to let him go back into the wild because he was hand raised (and doted and loved on, not just fed) so he is very attached to us and would likely die in the wild. He is pampered in big cage and fed better food than we get.
    "I am certain that there are two things in life which are dependable: the delights of the flesh and the delights of literature. I have had the good fortune to enjoy them both equally." -Nagiko, The Pillow Book

  9. #9
    Thank you Martin, glad you enjoyed this. I guess when you are a mom and a grandma, you have a lot of storytelling experience.
    You and Lydia have both given me something to think about here, and I'm going to see what I can come up with to improve this. I am wondering if the nature of man part should be dropped from the title. I don't want the connection to be too hard to make.

    Foxee, thank you so much for the nice compliment. I am an animal lover, and when this incident happened I had very mixed feelings over the whole thing. But dogs will be dogs.

    Lydia, thank you for clarifying your comments, and I do see what you are saying here. I'm thinking that the whole thing can be improved by adding a few more lines, another stanza maybe. Your Hammy sounds like a sweety. He was a lucky little squirrel to have you take him in.
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you値l be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka

  10. #10
    Ode to a Dead Squirrel: Edit 1
    Last edited by Gumby; April 8th, 2016 at 06:33 PM.
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you値l be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka

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