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Thread: Methadone Home

  1. #21
    WF Veteran SilverMoon's Avatar
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    OK. Nathan I just re-read and realized you named your protagonist - Sharon. (Pardon me for missing that). I would suggest either leaving out any name and stick to atmospheric or keep her name in and definently "show" us who she is. You have enough down as it is. Go to town! If you intend to do a re-write you have one interested audience here and among many, I'm sure. Again, sorry for the oversight. Laurie
    “The man who cannot visualize a horse galloping on a tomato is an idiot.”
    Andre Breton

  2. #22
    RainHands - I appreciate the feedback. For me it's all about learning how to write. I don't get too emotionally involved in my pieces.

    SilverMoon - LOL. It's a guy. And Sharon is just someone who supplies him with smokes. I know that's not clear. Not sure which direction, I want to go. Maybe I can complete one ver, atmospheric. And then try another ver, that's more of a portrait piece.
    "I think it's blessed are the cheese makers." "...What's so special about the cheese makers?" - Life of Brian

  3. #23
    WF Veteran SilverMoon's Avatar
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    That'll stretch the right side of your brain! I think a very good idea. An excersize of sorts.
    “The man who cannot visualize a horse galloping on a tomato is an idiot.”
    Andre Breton

  4. #24
    I think it's well written. But it seems too detached and impartial to me -- although that might be your intention. Almost like it's dark and bleak just for the sake of it. I'm not really feeling any emotional connection to it from you. It's sad, of course, but it seems like there should be something deeper going on.
    Last edited by JosephB; May 31st, 2010 at 02:01 PM.

  5. #25
    Joe- I've been giving this quite a bit of thought. I think what I've done is kind of like doing a Normal Rockwell of a junkie in his last days. It has some appeal but it is missing the soul. If someone is really dying from hunger and their body is wasting away, what are they thinking. Have they given up? Do they lie to themselves and their mind isn't functioning well enough to tell the difference? I'd have to imagine they are in agony. They have reached a level despair that most of us would have a difficult time understanding.
    "I think it's blessed are the cheese makers." "...What's so special about the cheese makers?" - Life of Brian

  6. #26
    RainHands - I appreciate the feedback. For me it's all about learning how to write. I don't get too emotionally involved in my pieces.
    Sorry, maybe I wasn't quite clear in my reply. I think this is an absolutely brilliant approach to writing, keeping a certain impartiality and objectivity can only help you to improve, and I'm not suggesting at all that you sacrifice this. I simply mean that the piece is quite two dimensional in subject matter. It portrays a very stereotypical view, illicits no real response because it provides nothing new, nothing to make the reader really think or challenge their preconceptions.

    -R

  7. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by NathanBrazil View Post
    Joe- I've been giving this quite a bit of thought. I think what I've done is kind of like doing a Normal Rockwell of a junkie in his last days. It has some appeal but it is missing the soul.
    Yeah, Nathan, I think that about sums it up. Sometimes I read what other folks have had to say, sometimes I don't. This time I didn't, but now I see there are others who felt like I did about this, more or less. I don't necessarily think something like this has to come from experience -- maybe it just needs to feel like it does. But don't feel like it wasn't worth the effort. That's the only way to learn.

  8. #28
    Call me crazy, but the fact that it is missing the soul is what makes it work for me. Surely the subject of this piece has had his soul trod upon to the point of nonexistence. Its stark black and white approach mirrors the bare bones of his life, and in that respect, this piece works. I still like this piece as is, Nathan, but should you decide to expand, I will be part of your audience. Perhaps it would be easier to just leave this be and begin anew with depth in mind, hon, whatever you decide, I'm in. Good luck, love.

    Best,
    Lisa

  9. #29
    lol - Ya'll are confusing me. I'll will try a new piece- more portrait style and leave this one be.

    RainHands - I hear that it is too cliched for you. I can accept that but give me the para that works the best for you. And no fair saying they're all equally bad.
    "I think it's blessed are the cheese makers." "...What's so special about the cheese makers?" - Life of Brian

  10. #30
    iDrew - Thanks for the feedback. I'm going to take another stab at it but from a different angle.
    "I think it's blessed are the cheese makers." "...What's so special about the cheese makers?" - Life of Brian

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