Punctuation?


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Thread: Punctuation?

  1. #1

    Punctuation?

    I am describing a large Victorian building :-
    1.
    The architect and the artisans responsible knew their craft and it was well placed, large and detached; occupying a good size plot, on one corner of a junction, between major and minor roads.
    2.
    The architect and the artisans responsible knew their craft and it was It was well placed; large and detached, occupying a good size plot on one corner of a junction between major and minor roads.
    3.
    The architect and the artisans responsible knew their craft and it was well placed; large and detached, occupying a good size plot, on one corner of a junction between major and minor roads.

    Maybe I should separate the elements:-

    The architect and the artisans responsible knew their craft and it was large and detached. It was well placed, occupying a good size plot, on one corner of a junction, between major and minor roads.
    However I like the way the two clauses(?) in the second part marry with the two of the first, I repeat "it was" it is altogether less satisfactory.
    I look forward to considering any advice.

  2. #2
    Number three looks best, but I see no reason for the comma after "plot".
    The second one, with repeat of "It was" is definitely a toss-out.
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  3. #3
    I like #3 and suggest you add a "d" to size.
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  4. #4
    Number three.

    Though you could save yourself a lot of hassle by saying: "The architects and artisans responsible knew their craft. The building was well-placed, large, and detached. It occupied a good-sized plot on one corner of a junction between major and minor roads".

    No need to get crazy with commas and semi-colons when a period will suffice. It also leaves less room for confusion.
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  5. #5
    The building was large and well-placed: free-standing on agood-sized plot at the junction of a main thoroughfare and a secondary road.
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  6. #6
    I'm another voter for number three, although I would be all for simplifying it somewhat as has been suggested.

    Is 'well placed' meant to be a pun by the way?
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  7. #7
    Lin, the comma after plot is because it is like a list of the reasons it was well placed, it was on a large plot, it was on a corner ... The repeat of 'it was' was something I came up with as I was writing it out, it is more like the sort of thing Sam is describing, though I think he has done it better. In some ways it is a good solution but the feel of short sharp sentences in the sort of thing I am writing is all wrong. I have him sitting over the road looking at the old people's home he is going into, though actually he is quite looking forward to it.
    Anyway the concensus seems to be to separate the two halves of the sentence with a ; and I am the only one seeing the list?

    Thank you very much everyone.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by MrSteve View Post
    I'm another voter for number three, although I would be all for simplifying it somewhat as has been suggested.

    Is 'well placed' meant to be a pun by the way?
    Sorry, you posted while I was replying, I am into puns but I fail to see one there?

  9. #9
    The comma is misplaced because that last clause is not part of that list, but a continuation of the item with "plot" in it.
    Repeating "it was" like that is going to draw any blue pencil in the vicinity.
    See my books Hidden Content (and in heaven).

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by lin View Post
    The comma is misplaced because that last clause is not part of that list, but a continuation of the item with "plot" in it.
    Repeating "it was" like that is going to draw any blue pencil in the vicinity.
    I think the first point is a little debatable. When I first read the OP I assumed that Olly was using it to define a list and therefore had chosen to lay it out for that reason. I can see, Lin, what you're saying and I do agree that the sentence reads better without it. I tend to use too many commas myself and when I see someone else doing it my internal editor emerges (yes, inside every fat man really is a thin man trying to get out... And mine is a critic).

    Sorry, you posted while I was replying, I am into puns but I fail to see one there?
    Sorry, I wasn't quite sure of the context of the sentences and the inner comic saw something in there (that makes three people in me. It's no wonder I eat so much). I thought you might be going for a pun because without the context of the subject I wasn't sure what you were saying was well placed. I've seen similar things used before to form puns.

    You've definitely got a conjunction there:

    1) The architect and artisans skill was well placed.
    2) The building was well placed.

    You could use it as an interesting sentence:

    The architect and artisan's skills were as well placed as the building that finally emerged. Large and detached, it occupied a good sized plot on one corner of a junction between major and minor roads.

    Mmm, needs work.
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