The Departure

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Thread: The Departure

  1. #1

    The Departure

    In the wake of sudden enlightenment
    Rebellion seems a necessary deed,
    Revolution an emerging current,
    Reverting a difficult, worthwhile creed
    As opposed to the reoccurring theme
    Of someone feigning vision in darkness
    Only to be followed from stream to stream
    And led deeper into the wilderness.
    So mind and spirit lie on the outskirts
    Feeding on the words of today's prophets
    While hoping the message retrieves converts
    Before the inevitable plummet
    Into the darkest depths of perdition,
    Forever engulfed in oblivion.

  2. #2
    WF Veteran SilverMoon's Avatar
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    Jan 2010
    Long Island, NY
    Blog Entries
    Hi, Da Prophecy. I think you have an excellent poem here.

    Loved this...
    Of someone feigning vision in darkness
    The only nit I have is:
    Only to be followed from stream to stream
    And led deeper into the wilderness.
    Eliminate and replace with comma. I think it would read stronger.

    Thank you for a great read! Laurie
    Last edited by SilverMoon; May 11th, 2010 at 12:57 PM.
    “The man who cannot visualize a horse galloping on a tomato is an idiot.”
    Andre Breton

  3. #3
    Thank you for reading and responding! I don't really know what to do about the line you have a small problem with (at least not without ruining the meter).


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