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Thread: Totally pointless posts

  1. #15271
    Advanced Mentor The Green Shield's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustRob View Post
    Being totally unable to draw I am always impressed by the abilities of others in that respect, but I do have one concern about the dialogue. The Sith Lord says "I'm sorry," but apologising seems in itself to me a very weak thing for him to do when he is criticising her for being weak. Surely Sith Lords don't go around apologising the whole time, so why then? If he is actually expressing disappointment then he ought to say something like, "I am disappointed in you," to make it clear that he sees a failure on her part, not his. Saying "I'm sorry" is ambiguous, meaning either sorry for his behaviour or hers or even sorry that he has to oppose her, implying concern about her, so not a good way of expressing the idea clearly. With so few words in the piece they must all be right on target. Fitting them into the artwork is an additional consideration of course, but even so I think you may have missed the target meaning there.
    Dang it! I didn't think of that -- you're right. Him saying "I'm sorry" implies he still has a bit of good in him, still has some shred of concern for her. If the idea is that he's completely turned and won't listen to her, that would be the last thing he'd say.

    I also noticed that his motive for turning evil is...uh...a bit lackluster. I mean, "Whaa, you were mean to me when we were Jedi! Therefore I shall become a Sith...because you were a bit of a jerk!"

    Still, I appreciate the critique. :3

  2. #15272
    Seen on a greetings card while browsing in a shop today.

    "I keep reading about how drinking is bad for your health. It's enough to make a person give up ... reading."

    It must be pointless to post that here on WF because we write stuff that encourages people to read more ... don't we? Er ...
    Do you have any feedback to give about beta reading? If so see HERE.

    'Sharing an experience creates a reality.' Create a new reality today.
    'There has to be some give and take.' If I can take my time I'm willing to give it.
    'The most difficult criticism that a writer has to comprehend is silence.' So speak up.


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