The New Bad Writing Competition...just for laughs! (LANGUAGE) - Page 25

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Thread: The New Bad Writing Competition...just for laughs! (LANGUAGE)

  1. #241
    I owed Mod a new entry after this "bad" entry, which unfortunately was just bad and not bad with style. Though, I did enjoy writing it.
    "I think it's blessed are the cheese makers." "...What's so special about the cheese makers?" - Life of Brian

  2. #242
    Okay, I've given it a go, I hope that this semi-autobiographical novel speaks to you.


    Chapter 1

    Imagine! You've been sitting and talking, all unsuspecting, to a man for nearly two hours, when suddenly, with a cry of "Ha!" he tears off his mustache and fake beard.

    Oh! Roger!


    Chapter 2

    A few hours before the events of Chapter 1, I got out of bed like a baby giraffe being fired out of the airlock of a space station that's orbiting Saturn at a height of 20,000 feet, and sprang to my feet like another, slightly older giraffe.

    I looked in the mirror. Who did I see? Golden hair like the sun has, those blue eyes sparkling like the fountains in the mall I'm going to mention a bit later, a beautifully cute nose, but also an old nose that had seen the world. Lips like a cow.

    I've accomplished so much, so what to do next? I bounded out of my window and turned a somersault while a crowd of people applauded.


    "Who is that?" they asked, but they didn't know, couldn't know, shouldn't know, that I was really sad on the inside, like the Mona Lisa if you only scraped away the paint to see the real her.

    Anyway, I went to the mall to meet a man who was interested in talking about what I might do about the meeting which was coming up about the situation in Eastern Europe, and as I went in I saw a pair of fountains sparkling like my eyes. A man sidled up to me; he had a beard and mustache. Yes, it was the man I mentioned earlier. We talked like a lighthouse and the tide that answers it, and then the bit I mentioned in Chapter 1 happened.

    Chapter 4

    As I said a hesitant goodbye to Roger - I didn't know him very well - and walked back home like Odysseus after his 12 labors, I realized that I wasn't the same person who had set off that morning. For one thing, I'd had a sex-change operation on my way to the mall, but it wasn't only that. I realized that we are each of us reborn each day; yes, each day is a new opportunity to be the best person you can be, and as I thought about my adventures, I realized that, yes, I had bettered myself today.

    Chapter 5

    And so can you.
    Last edited by Harper J. Cole; May 16th, 2015 at 08:17 PM.

  3. #243
    Mmmuuuwwaaahaha! This thread still lives!!!!!

    Ummm, by the way... that was really, really, bad, Harper.
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you’ll be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka

  4. #244
    Oh my. Never saw this thread. I am cracking up!!

  5. #245
    As you know, Bob, when the Zenomorths attacked the Norad 3 station on the class 4 planet in the agua quadrant, there was a crack in the space time continuum that caused the universe to contract and the Emperor decided to crush the rebel alliance and discovered the planet of the elves attacked the dead star and wiped out the lost civilization that revealed that the Earth was really a ball of dirt in the middle of the cosmic ocean and we no longer can fight the evil Borons without the ability to sent the elite team of killers to wipe out the Corpuscles on the home planet of the Beckils.

    Bob: What?
    "Put not your trust not in princes, in the children of men,
    in whom there is no salvation."
    Psalm 146

    Timely, isn't it?

  6. #246
    Quote Originally Posted by Gumby View Post
    that was really, really, bad, Harper.
    Aw, you're making me blush ...

    midnightpoet, nice work! I can see that as the first part of an epic trilogy. Bob is a fully realised, three dimensional literary character of the sort we only see once in maybe two and a half generations.

  7. #247
    Okay, I finally have time to dwelve deeply into your storees gents. I'll sturt wit you're's Harper.

    Yur first chaptur wuz magicle in the way you surpized me! I never suspectid that it was Roger! Win my hart beet slowed down to a slow, slow, pounding, I wuz finally able to go to the next chapter. Whew!

    You're metifour of the guraffes in chapter too, was masterful! And maid me look at guraffes in a totully noo way. Epic!

    Then, The way you woved in the planets, the moaning lisa and geography, not to menshun Greek mithology... man that just maide me want to blow my mind away! And the way you kept Roger in the story, was good. By the end I really felt like I didn't know him at all! Butt by the time I got to chaptur five, I discuvvedr I had a really epic tail, even though there wuzn't a monkey in the whole story.


    I think that if you rerote this storee and added just a litle more detales to it, thin bob would undurstand whut you are talking about. itz really all about the detales, you know. Pleez don't give up, yu'll git there!
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you’ll be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka

  8. #248
    We have to make Thin Bob happy. Always make Thin Bob happy!

    These were so. Good, I cried.

  9. #249
    Member dither's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    on the fence
    Blog Entries
    Hadn't noticed this forum until now.
    I have something to aim for now.
    If i post a comment on a "WIP", LOOK! I'm a reader that's all, and i can only tell how i feel, as a READER, giving/offering feedback. Hoping to learn and grow here. So please, tell me where i'm going wrong.

    Me? I'm just a fly on the wall.

    Look! I'm trying, okay?

    One can but dream, if only i had dared.

    "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong" Mahatma Gandhi.
    Alas, i am weak.

    I must find a way to Eastbourne and i so wish that i could dance.

  10. #250
    "Hark," he said menacingly, his cheeks flushing like a thousand toilets that night in Verona when he met his dear Leica and told her of his love for table tennis but it was no good because he knew his words had no meaning in the forest of lies that he told when confronted by the terrible loss of words when he fell off the cliff of his desire and wept.

    "You mean?" she said, her beating heart hot with confusion which lept like a faun in the wilderness of her conceit.

    "No," he said, and they both jumped off the cliff together, holding onto the bungee cord of love.
    "Put not your trust not in princes, in the children of men,
    in whom there is no salvation."
    Psalm 146

    Timely, isn't it?


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