The New Bad Writing Competition...just for laughs! (LANGUAGE)

[J Anfinson]

She blew into the tissues with a loud honk, like the honk of geese flying south for the winter after passing the Canadian border where they turned left and headed for New Jersey, scaring the beach-goers.

Sexy!

"Tell him to play it again, Sam."

Ouch...

[J Anfinson]

Wind of Passion

By Anonymous I Swear

He saw himself on the beach, alone, all by himself, with no-one around. A candy-cane sunset was like Christmas against the sudden glom of night when she came like one of those gushing white waves and walked up to him in a transparent negligent that fell down about her.

“You will be eaten by a dolphin.” Her arms were all about him

The moon was a scurrying baseball against the crystal-fresh bowl of night sky, promising. The wind broke on them. His eyes searched for the truth like surgical lasers getting right down to the brass monkey.

“I don't know about Alfonso, he said sulkingly, “you love him more.”

Her eyelashes fluttered heavily and her raven hair flowed away on the sea wind.

“That is only his pecs.”

“I can hold that against you but it doesn't have to change who we are.”

“You mean that we can really be us?”

“We probably are and therefore our love will never end no matter how long the earth goes, we will go on it together, hand in glove.” She stared, her misty eyes misty. “Forever,”

Waves crashed like a herd of wet doves against a plank.

“That is a long time!” He screamed

“At least Alfonso said he might commit!” She screamed to.

And tragically they were eaten by a dolphin.

That had some of the worst similies I've ever read. I'm going to go scrub my eyeballs with bleach after reading that.

[Gumby]

Awsome story, Foxee! I like story's about breaking wind.

Here is something I've been twerking on, feel free to critique or whatever.


The Bad Man


He was the baddest of the bad,…he was really bad. That was his rep around town, the town he lived in. His town. But what could he say? It was true. He was a soldier of unfortunate and he worked for the highest bidder. One week he was on the good guys side, the next week he was on the badder guys side. It all depended on who was willing to pay him the moistest. But he had a secret, one that he kept hidden from the world, everyone, even his family, everyone. He really had a hart of gold he was a sensitive guy, deep, deep inside, in his deepest inside place, way, way, down there, deep. He was a deep guy.
No one knew how much it hurt him to blow people away. The nights he cried himself to sleep, because he amembered all the faces of his victims. They’re cries for help, ecode in his memry, he herd them. But he still got up each morning, drank his coffee, and straped on his guns and went to work.
Then one day, he met her. The womman who changed him. She let him know that it was okay to cry, she always cryed. “I love you, she said, I know you really have a heart of gold, I can see it even if no one else can, she said." He took one look in her eys and he knew it was true. He started to cry and he never hid it from her or anyone else, ever again. He was a senstitive guy and he didn’t care who knew it now, becuz she was always there to dry his eyes and sooth him. Now, no matter how many people he blew away, he never had to cry alone agin.She wuld always be there, crying with him and they cried together , happily ever after. Forever.

The End

[Foxee]

Critical praise for Foxee's newest gust of inspiration, Wind of Passion...

I'm wiping a tear from my eye now, in the hope that I too can some day be consumed by a wind of passion.

Just watch out for the dolphins and hold onto your hair. I'm proud to have given your life porpoise.

That had some of the worst similies I've ever read. I'm going to go scrub my eyeballs with bleach after reading that.

Happy to contribute to eyeball cleanliness!

Awsome story, Foxee! I like story's about breaking wind.

Thank you! I thought it added a certain warmth.

She glided across the floor like winged victory on ice skates

Statuesque and slippery...

I just realized the geese should have turned left, not right, and I'm not sure if that made it better, or worse. Oh I forgot I can edit the post. This is what I get for writing before I'm fully awake.

It's okay, they're ambidextgeese.

Here is something I've been twerking on, feel free to critique or whatever.

I was so sidetracked by this I nearly forgot to read the rest of it.

The Bad Man

He was the baddest of the bad,…he was really bad. That was his rep around town, the town he lived in. His town. But what could he say? It was true. He was a soldier of unfortunate and he worked for the highest bidder. One week he was on the good guys side, the next week he was on the badder guys side. It all depended on who was willing to pay him the moistest. But he had a secret, one that he kept hidden from the world, everyone, even his family, everyone. He really had a hart of gold he was a sensitive guy, deep, deep inside, in his deepest inside place, way, way, down there, deep. He was a deep guy.
No one knew how much it hurt him to blow people away. The nights he cried himself to sleep, because he amembered all the faces of his victims. They’re cries for help, ecode in his memry, he herd them. But he still got up each morning, drank his coffee, and straped on his guns and went to work.
Then one day, he met her. The womman who changed him. She let him know that it was okay to cry, she always cryed. “I love you, she said, I know you really have a heart of gold, I can see it even if no one else can, she said." He took one look in her eys and he knew it was true. He started to cry and he never hid it from her or anyone else, ever again. He was a senstitive guy and he didn’t care who knew it now, becuz she was always there to dry his eyes and sooth him. Now, no matter how many people he blew away, he never had to cry alone agin.She wuld always be there, crying with him and they cried together , happily ever after. Forever.

The End

Everybody now! "How bad WAS he?!" If anyone could change him, it couldn't be a normal woman, no! It would definitely take a 'womman'.

I cried. Forever.

[Jeko]

Can't believe I've never found this thread before!

Ewan

His name was Ewan, and he was like the breeze that sits upon the snow on a frosty December morning of the annual Russian winter. His teeth were as white as the snow that sits underneath the breeze on a frosty Russian winter morning in the annual month of December. His hair was swept back like it had been swept back by the breeze that sits upon the snow on a frosty December morning of the annual Russian winter. His eyes were frosty like the winter that enveloped the breeze of the Russian snow on an annual basis. His fingernails were sharp like icicles hanging from the houses on a frosty Russian winter morning, hanging limply in the breeze above the snow, appearing annually.

He was black.

[Gumby]

Oh Cadence! Your abjectives were supurbulous! I got the feeling of Tropical breezes and ilands when I read this, almost as if I was ther.

[Gumby]

I cried. Forever.

Thank you! Forever.(your check's in the male)

[J Anfinson]

Ewan

An outstanding example of pointless repetitiveness. I'm sure any agent would say, "Don't call us, we'll call you."

[Foxee]

Can't believe I've never found this thread before!

Ewan

His name was Ewan, and he was like the breeze that sits upon the snow on a frosty December morning of the annual Russian winter. His teeth were as white as the snow that sits underneath the breeze on a frosty Russian winter morning in the annual month of December. His hair was swept back like it had been swept back by the breeze that sits upon the snow on a frosty December morning of the annual Russian winter. His eyes were frosty like the winter that enveloped the breeze of the Russian snow on an annual basis. His fingernails were sharp like icicles hanging from the houses on a frosty Russian winter morning, hanging limply in the breeze above the snow, appearing annually.

He was black.

Welcome! Glad you stumbled in. I see you wasted no time with this celebration of annuity and Russia. When I read that his hair was swept back like it had been swept back it caused wonder of a sort, like wondering. Congrats on a masterful piece of...stuff.

[midnightpoet]

It was a dark and stormy night when the shot rang out and the Great Detective was puzzled by the locked room where he found a gold digger armed to the teeth and it was plain on the nose on your face that the corpse bit the dust and the body was still warm and he knew he had bought the farm but he wanted bragging rights but it was just a bump in the road so he burned the midnight oil until he decided to call it a day because you can’t have your cake and eat it too so he chewed the fat and come hell or high water he knew that crime doesn’t pay so to get to the bottom of it the then decided to go with his gut and get the hell out of Dodge.