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10:34am, Thursday, December 22, 2005. (1 Viewer)

Mean

Senior Member
As I sit here at my desk, listening to the drum of countless industrial machines, I wonder: what the hell is this thing in my finger? I don't remember getting a splinter. I did, however, cut down a tree in my yard, so there could have been some mote entry taking place there.

My friend suggested that maybe this thing was implanted by "the government" as a tracking device. I rebutted that it didn't make much sense to install a microchip on the very tip of an oft-used finger. It seems like there would be too great a risk of damage to the device. He justified it by mentioning how inept the government can be, and that "Total Recall" stole their idea for the sinus bug. I hope this thing comes out easier than that.

Now that I think about it, it was never discussed what branch of "the government" could be responsible. CIA? ATF? I don't think the ATF does much surveillance unless there are alcohol, tobacco or firearms involved, so we can rule them out. The FBI, however, are notorious for spying on people. That must be it. The FBI planted a bug on my finger. How dumb is that? I hope they sanitised their tools.

We have a nurse here at the plant who could surely aid me in the removal of this pesky and painful device. I'd hate to involve her, though. Not that I know her that well or care about her well-being in the least. I'd just feel guilty if a sweeper team busted into the Health Services office and mowed her down with three-round bursts from their silenced MP5's. Can you imagine? One minute you're sitting there, filling out forms or examing a guy who got hit in the head with a forklift, next thing you know, you're getting a SOG to the neck.

This finger thing is really bothering me now. I haven't been this paranoid since that time I smoked a pound of weed. I could go for some doritos, though.
 
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