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07-01-06 | Scores (1 Viewer)

Achilles

Senior Member
Here are the scores for the Extreme Makeover: Poem Edition competition. Sorry they’re a few days later than expected, but this is the soonest the judges were able to get this thing together.

I’ve never judged an LM competition before, so I have nothing to compare this to; however, I can say it was incredibly enjoyable to read the various takes on this poem and what you guys were able to do with it. I know this was one of the tougher challenges, but I think everyone did admirably.

The biggest problem was the amount of changes, and some of you were deducted a fairly weighty amount of points for taking so many liberties with word changes. Deductions were taken off the total, averaged score.

Okay, now on to what you’ve all been waiting for: the scores.

*drumroll*

Top Three Winners

1st: Gigi (16/20)
2nd: Eggo/Mandax (14/20)
3rd: iamlikethiswithoutcoffee (13/20)

Here’s the breakdown of all the scores:

Mandax: 14/20 – 11, 17, 14, 15, 13
cacafire: 12.5/20 – 15, 16, 9, 18 (-2 for late entry and 51 changes)
iamlikethiswithoutcoffee: 13/20 – 18, 16, 16, 16, 14 (-3 for 79 changes)
Buttered Kazoo: 12/20 – 10, 15, 10, 10, 15
gigi: 16/20 – 17, 18, 12, 15, 18
ebmadman: 10.6/20 – 15, 15, 14, 12, 17 (-4 for 92 changes)
eggo: 14/20 – 18, 14, 14, 12, 17 (-1 for 46 changes)

Congrats to everyone for attempting this and especially to gigi for taking home the gold. As promised, the poem is gigi’s to do whatever she wants with it.

Now here are the in-depth scores.
 

Achilles

Senior Member
Achilles’ Scores

ButteredKazoo – 15/20 (38 changes)

I like the attempts at rhyme here, which are successful in the beginning at least. Your take on it was fairly similar to the original, but I did like your choice of line breaks. The punctuation seemed haphazard when it was even existent. Other than that, a very good job – you made a definite improvement on the original piece without making too many changes to the actual words.

Mandax – 13/20 (26 changes)

Your take on the poem was also very similar to the original, which isn’t necessarily bad; you just didn’t wow me with a new concept. Starting with a rhyme was a good choice, but the structure seems to fall apart into disarray after that. The beginning caps were also not the best choice. Your tense isn’t completely consistent throughout either. You changed very few words, which is good, but you probably could have even done more to improve this piece.

Ebmadman – 17/20 (92 changes)

92 changes? A lot of your changes really weren’t significant; you simply changed the order of a lot of lines and phrases. Maybe you didn’t understand the way the changes were counted. Other than that, your wording impressed me on this. I like the classic phrasing and forms of repetition. You made this sound new when compared to the original. Also, some of your line breaks and punctuation aren’t consistent.

Eggo – 17/20 (46 changes)

I enjoyed this one a lot on the first read. The take was very original and the phrasing was good. The problems I had with it were in the line breaks and punctuation. Together, the flow was severely hindered. Other than that, this was a very good edit.

Gigi – 18/20 (35 changes)

I felt that this was teetering on the edge of something deeper, which added a certain meaning that was completely lacking in the original piece. The flow and line breaks were excellent. However, I’m not too fond of the quotes at the beginning, as the narrative voice is unclear and it seems to cheapen the totality of the poem.

Iamlikethiswithoutcoffee – 14/20 (79 changes)

There are a lot of fairly unnecessary changes in this as well, which could have been easily avoided. I stumbled over the punctuation frequently. However, I do like the last two lines, as they serve as a sort of contrast with the air of the carnival.

Cacafire 18/20 (51 changes)

I like this quite a bit. You definitely get props for originality, as you took a very unique twist on this and made it work. The tone of this was wonderful and light, if not completely rude. Good edit.
 

Achilles

Senior Member
Huni’s Scores

[ot]First: Congratulations to all. Even had I not been asked to judge I am sure I would not have attempted this one!

Second: I printed these submissions sans names (with the exception of the last one) and scored at a later time, so I would have anonymity for fairness.

Third: I have assumed everyone has put themselves up for critique and grading since you are here, ;) so ...[/ot]



mandax:
Significant Thoughts during the Carnivals' Finale

Originality: 2/5.
One is for the title - I really liked it, still the poem let it down as it seemed so like the original, it's skeleton. Simply retold.

Grammar/spelling: 5/5

Manipulation: 1/5
No significant manipulation to the meaning or body of the work. As hard as that must be I would have liked to seen some in view of your interesting title.

Skills etc.: 3/5
As the poem stands on it's own I quite like it it's tight and clean. Watch the rhythm (line 4 a bit jerky) and the reporting aspect does not allow for emotionality.

Total: 11/20 Well done.


cacafire:
Midnight Thoughts While Attending the Whore House


Originality: 3/5
Great change in the title. You lost two points though because the subject didn't match it. Considering the constraints I think it would have been a stretch anyway. Brave try.

Grammar/spelling: 5/5

Manipulation: 4/5
You lost a point in spite of really good attempt to change this only because I felt your poem ended up with out a point. A bit too scattered.

Skills etc.: 2/5
I really loved the first stanza, (although puke rattling?) nice start.

Bonus point: 1
For the funny connection in the last line to the title.

Total: 15/20


iamlikethiswithoutcoffee:
Carnival Contemplations


Originality: 3/5
Excellent. You took this out of the Carnival and turned it into a metaphor. Good.

Grammar/spelling: 5/5

Manipulation: 3/5
Once again this is fresh and different. Two points off because I think giving the metaphor more substance would have made this shine.

Skills etc.: 5/5
I liked the weight and mix of the short and long phrasing and the double 'perhaps'. It matched the "Contemplation" well.

Bonus: 2
Just because I'm allowed too and I liked this a lot!

Total: 18/20


Buttered Kazoo:
Midnight Thoughts While Attending the Carnival

Originality: 2/5
Stanza 4 earned you two points. Liked to have seen that all the way through.

Grammar/spelling: 4/5
last line stanza 6?

Manipulation: 2/5
Saved again by the promise in stanza 4. Maybe changing the title some would have given you the inspiration to take this somewhere else. Stretched you perhaps.

Skills etc.: 2/5
I liked where this was going and the line "I'm unfrightened by their glower", nice rhythm in it. It just got a bit lost from the 5th stanza.

Total: 10/20


gigi:
Midnight Thoughts While Attending the Carnival


Originality: 4/5
One point for not taking this even more from the original, considering the skills shown here. (edit: had I known it was you gigi you would have lost 2! just because I would have had high expectations

Grammar/spelling: 5/5

Manipulation: 3/5

Skills etc.: 4/5
Loved the exuberant beginning to it and wished the comp. constraints hadn't been a factor here. would really like to see where you could have taken this. The handling of line one in stanza three lost a point.

Bonus: 1
For genuinely making me want more from this, it's potential made me care.

Total: 18/20


ebmadman:
Aged Carnival


Originality: 3/5
On a second read this was changed to a high score. Very original and interesting.

Grammar/spelling: 5/5

Manipulation: 4/5
What can I say, strong changes and meaning maintained. Good work.

Skills etc.: 2/5
Considering the skills evident here, you lost points for the cliché 'my innocent eyes' and the form. It was all over the place and would be helped by an edit. The funnel cake line also left me going 'what the ..?'

Bonus: 1
For the good poetic expression in the stanzas from "It's familiar now, like home ......moments of sharing his presence" Nice.

Total: 17/20


eggo:
Midnight Thoughts While Attending A Funeral

Originality: 4/5
Yes a title change! You made this your own, well done! I hope you don't lose points from Achilles for straying out of the rules. (if you have that is)

Grammar/spelling: 5/5

Manipulation: 5/5
Full five points for this. Good unforced use of the available words.

Skills etc.: 3/5
This was short of a perfect 5 because the form needs some attention. Some of the lines are all-over the place. Tighter line breaks could have been helpful for clarity and better reading. Overall a good poem with natural internal rhythm.

Bonus: 1
I loved the whole alcoholic, funeral, roundabout theme in this.

Total: 18/20
 

Achilles

Senior Member
Oasis Writer's Scores


Title: Midnight Thoughts While Attending the Carnival
Author: ButteredKazoo


Nice interprataion of this poem, I have to agree, it is very hard to pull together a poem within the limits and change it so much, yet have to keep it together.

Score: 15/20

***
Title: Significant Thoughts During the Carnival’s Finale
Author: mandax


Very awesome. Simple enough

Score: 17/20

***

Title: Aged Carnival
Author: ebmadman


Not bad at all. Stayed under the limit that I counted and the context and thought of this poem was strong. Not bad.

Score: 15/20

***

Title: Midnight thoughts while attending a Funeral
Author: eggo


Loved the last few lines, but it seemed to me when I countd 40, you went over by a few I think!!! - Just want I counted.

Score: 14/20

***
Title: Midnight Thoughts While Attending The Carnival
Author: gigi


I agree, and your piece didn't make it easier to tell all the changes. We should have told you all to put them in red. Nice poem, I think I found my fav from the seven (even though I have about 2-4 more left.

Score: 18/20

***

Title: Carnival Contemplations
Author: iamlikethiswithoutcoffee


Not bad at all. Seemed very twisty, and I think I may have counted over 40, but then recounted and I think you stayed far away from that

Score: 16/20

***

Title: Midnight thoughts while attending the whorehouse
Author: cacafire


lol - I'll allow late submissions in *()* More work, I should take 10 points lol - Nice, not bad at all.

Score: 16/20

 

Achilles

Senior Member
Syren’s Scores

Here's where I went with my scoring:

a) Originality
b) Grammar/wording
c) Manipulation/shifts
d) Overall bonus points


Buttered Kazoo
a) 2
b) 3
c) 3
d) 2

[Nice intent with theme, few poor word choices]



Mandax
a) 3
b) 4
c) 4
d) 3

[Nice take, great format, missed a few opportunities, great overall]



ebmadman
a) 4
b) 4
c) 3
d) 3

[Nicely done, great additions, format could have been smoother, good showing]



eggo
a) 3
b) 4
c) 4
d) 3

[A nice edit, moved the theme a bit - for the good, very nice]



gigi
a) 2
b) 4
c) 3
d) 3

[Nice wording, clever bits, could have done better, but enjoyed reading it.]



iamlikethiswithoutcoffee
a) 4
b) 4
c) 4
d) 4

[Excellent changes, great choices, great job]



cacafire
a) 3
b) 2
c) 3
d) 1

[Late entry, missed some unique possibilities with his theme, good bits though]
 

Achilles

Senior Member
J.R. MacLean’s Scores

Buttered Kazoo

a noble effort suffering from lack of originality.

10/20


Mandax

managed to create a whiff of mystery out of a mound of dullness.

15/20


ebmadman

close to floundering overall, but best title so far

12/20


eggo

high originality points but hurt by convuluted word usage.

12/20


gigi

high on technical merits, funniest entry yet.

15/20


Iamlikethiswithoutcoffee

a solid across the board performance

16/20
 

mandax

Senior Member
Thank you to all the judges and to Achilles for this LM. I'm very excited that I got 2nd place, even if it was just out of 7 people. =D
 

gigi

Senior Member
Hey wow! Check that out! Thanks a bunch! Mine was not my personal favourite of the competition, and I did not think I'd win at all. Good entries, everyone, and thanks for the thumbs up!

Lans

edit: but why didn't JR judge cacafire's poem? Or did he, and the score wasn't tallied? It would make a difference to cacafire's overall score, right?
 
Last edited:

eggo

Patron
Thank you for reading judges.

I will have to say that this is the most bizarre LM I have ever seen.

A good idea that restricted the creative aspect I'm afraid and many saw

it as too narrow a channel to navigate.

The judging of these things, like always is all over map,lol.

I think there was two more judges than entrants.
J.R. MacLean’s Scores

eggo

high originality points but hurt by convuluted word usage.

12/20

Not really sure on this crit, made your brain hurt J.R.?

I think that everyone who attempted this deserves 15 points for sheer gonad size (or gonettes).

Thanks again
 

Achilles

Senior Member
gigi said:
edit: but why didn't JR judge cacafire's poem? Or did he, and the score wasn't tallied? It would make a difference to cacafire's overall score, right?
Because cacafire's entry was late, J.R. had already sent in his scores and didn't have the time to add another entry. Since the scores are simply the average (total points divided by number of judges) the difference in cacafire's score would have been negligible with a fifth judge, and it would have had either a positive or negative effect depending on the relation of the score to average. Did that make any sense?

eggo said:
I will have to say that this is the most bizarre LM I have ever seen.

A good idea that restricted the creative aspect I'm afraid and many saw

it as too narrow a channel to navigate.
Agreed. It was an idea I had during a brainstorm, and I believe it ended up far too mathematical to be truly creative. It definitely took some guts to step up to this challenge, and that's surely why there were so few participants.
 
I

iamlikethiswithoutcoffee

Yeah! I'm pretty happy with 3rd. :)

Thanks to all the judges for their time. Can't wait for the next one.
 

ButteredKazoo

Senior Member
Thanks to the judges for taking the time to read and score this LM. It must have been difficult.

I'm a little disappointed with the scores and particularly my score, but eh...oh well. It's not like there's money at stake.
 

Amour

Senior Member
Gahhh, I'm so sorry guys!

I haven't had the chance to type my scores out.
I've been really busy, and working a ton. (I worked about 25 hours this weekend alone; that's quite a lot for a restaurant.)
I haven't had internet access, half the time, either..
Still, no excuse, and I'm sorry.
I'm a horrible failure :(. I need to stop procrastinating.
I will post them later, hopefully, just so you can see them.
Congratulations everyone, and nice work!

:p

//Ty
 

J.R. MacLean

Senior Member
Re: LM Judgement Rendered
Quote:
Originally Posted by J.R. MacLean
Buttered Kazoo

a noble effort suffering from lack of originality.

10/20


Mandax

managed to create a whiff of mystery out of a mound of dullness.

15/20


ebmadman

close to floundering overall, but best title so far

12/20


eggo

high originality points but hurt by convuluted word usage.

12/20


gigi

high on technical merits, funniest entry yet.

15/20


Iamlikethiswithoutcoffee

a solid across the board performance

16/20


cacafire

spiteful, sophomoric edits add some life

10/20




achilles: how's this? Don't forget, you count the changes!
cheers
J.R.




For the record, I did send Achilles the above on July 20. I don't think cacafire's score will change the results.

Eggo: I did reread your submission. 'Convoluted' really applies only to certain bits. I'll PM you an edit if you feel it might be helpful.
cheers
 
Last edited:

Achilles

Senior Member
:oops:

Sorry about that. I must have accidentally cut out cacafire's scores when I took out J.R.'s message. The difference would have been minimal, though.

Again, my apologies to both cacafire and J.R. MacLean.
 
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