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04-24-06 | Scores (1 Viewer)

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silverwriter

Okay everyone! Sorry about the little delay, but I didn’t say what time Monday… Hehe. Anyway, thank you to all the participants (you don’t make judging any easier), to all of my lovely judges, and to my lovely Ruben for the graphic and the Vaseline. ;)

Now there was a bit of a thing with word counts this time. Oasis called attention to his word count and thus some judges did not score him. Hodge, however, did not put a word count and got scorings. This time I am going to take one point off each of Hodge’s scores (seem fair for 106 words over?) and give Oasis an honorable mention rather than hunt down the judges who didn’t score. The next time, however, the word count rule will me enforced more strictly and across the board.

Again, sorry for delay. I’ll get the hang of this yet. I hope everyone had fun and, without further ado….

The scores go in alphabetical order = (aprilrain, FollowingShadow, Hawke, Oasis, Rico, silverwriter)


AvatarofDave: 13.3 (16, 18, 12, 13, 11, 10)
Ruben: 15 (15, 13, 17, 13, 14, 18)
Aprilrain: 17 (X, 17, 17, 16, 17, 18)
Blackhawk_t: 15.16 (17, 12, 16, 16, 15, 15)
Jiiden: 14.3 (20, 15, 12, 15, 12, 12)
Hodge: 17 (15, 17, 17, 18, 17, 18)
AshBeanNun: 15 (16, 14, 19, 14, 10, 17)
darthwader: 16.16 (19, 15, 14, 16, 17, 16)
eggo: 15.6 (14, 18, 18, 14, 13, 17)
Chris Miller: 14.6 (14, 11, 15, 17, 17, 14)
silverwriter: 16.2 (15, 15, 18, 17, 16, X)
Oasis Writer: Most honorable of mentions, hon.

And congratulations to the…

Top Five (seven)

1.) Hodge (17) & aprilrain (17)
2.) darthwader (16.16)
3.) eggo (15.6)
4.) Blackhawk_t (15.16)
5.) Ruben (15) & AshBeanNun (15)


Thank you again to everyone who participated, entering an judging. So… anyone want to do this again?

(Yes, I realize I took myself out of the placing. I reserve the right to. Hehe.)
 
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silverwriter

Aprilrain’s Scores

Title: Damaged Peace
Author: avatarofDave

This really conveyed both the satisfaction of exacting revenge with the sense of not being fulfilled by it (physical pain versus emotional pain). Effective use of vocabulary. The ending needed a little more clarity. Just when I thought I understood what was physically happening, the next line made me think it was something else. Brutal but intriguing.

Score: 16/20

Title: The Poet
Author: Ruben

You don’t need the spoiler to reveal the meaning of the ending because a careful reading lends itself to that interpretation. Don’t explain it; allow the work to stand on its own, which this certainly can. You did a good job in very few words. The character’s necessity for adrenaline that takes him to those extremes is interesting. I would have liked to have read more, but was impressed with the brevity.

Score: 15/20

Title: Writingforums Ruined My Life
Author: Oasis Writer

I must take points away for violating the word count rule, but I add one back in for mentioning my name (all hail the brownie points). Very amusing and clever take on the theme. I especially liked the Death Clock part and the fact that you couldn’t be truly successful without a tuxedo. The laugh-out-loud details made this an enjoyable piece.

Score: X/20

Title: They’re Back
Author: Blackhawk_T

A timely topic and very humorous. I noticed a few grammatical glitches, and I must say, peeing in the canister may have been a tad over the top, but overall a cute and clever story. Effective use of suspense and a commendable, unorthodox interpretation of the theme.

Score: 17/20

Title: Milking It For All It’s Worth
Author: Jiieden

Brilliant. Truly brilliant. Good opening, funny from beginning to end. You started to lose me during the robot cow part, but the fact that there was underlying political commentary embedded in the words quickly became apparent. I want to highlight some of my favorite lines, but there are too many. Great job.

Score: 20/20

Title: He Doth Protest Too Much
Author: Hodge

Always a good story when an a--hole gets his comeuppance. A little much for me, but I have to respect that you used a POV that I think from reading some of your posts would be a very despicable person to you, but you did it without overt judgment. Just quietly and easily allowed him to meet his doom. Since I am not familiar with a succubus, I didn’t get the reference, but I don’t think the reader needs to in order to appreciate the story.

Score: 15/20 (one point off for word count)

Title: A Secure Family
Author: AshBeanNun

Well-written and evokes feelings of loss, anger, and resignation all at once. The details are what make the story (the wobbly fan, the scalloped soap dish). You create imagery easily. Nice contradiction in the paragraph which begins with a scene of family bliss (grandpa playing horsey) and ending with the reason the family is being pulled apart. The switch in POV at the end is jarring and causes the pronoun “she” to become confusing in its reference.

Score: 16/20

Title: Taste For Blood
Author: darthwader

Ooooh, didn’t see that one coming, but after a reread, the clues are quietly present. Excellent use of tension building details, while keeping the story succinct and flowing. The unusual and unexpected POV transforms the story from a good one to a great one.

Score: 19/20

Title: Tastes a Little Cold
Author: eggo

There are several effective turns of phrases and uses of descriptive imagery. The verb tense inconsistencies distracted me somewhat. There is potential here, but I feel like I missed something, particularly as it relates to the ball. The drunk driver presumably killed a child but yet he sustains various injuries of his own making. Your use of subtlety is commendable, but I felt the character deserved more fateful revenge.

Score: 14/20

Title: The Teacher
Author: ChrisMiller

I wasn’t sure what the definition added; if anything, I could have used the definition for “puerile.” It’s amusing that the revenge is making the teacher sit in an uncomfortable seat with the sun in his eyes, but it would be funnier if the main character was grade school age rather than someone that seems to be in college. I felt like I missed something, but I enjoyed its simplistic charm. Plus, you taught me a new word--always a good thing.

Score: 14/20

Title: A Woman’s Art
Author: Silverwriter

Nicely written and an enjoyable, flowing piece. I like the modern way in which she discovers his infidelity and stays true to her character by avoiding direct confrontation. I would have preferred clarity at the end regarding her plan. Is she going to continue poisoning him with small amounts or was this the big event? Excellent final line.

Score: 15/20
 
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silverwriter

FollowingShadow’s Scores

(Judge's note: my scores are subjective and describe the critiqued piece as a whole. They may not be based solely on what I addressed in my review, but rather a whole gamut of things left unsaid. Also, sometimes I feel like an arse to critique the pieces because I know how personal they are, so please excuse me and call me out if I've overstepped the boundary.)

Title: Damaged Piece
Author: avatarOfDave

Twisted and grimacing, this sick piece of yours. It took me a couple reads to realize exactly what was going on and the revenge to me seemed very deep. "The knife on my neck felt hot" is a bit I don't quite understand, whether his father is brandishing the knife or he is tantalizing himself with it or it's just the way he's pressed himself against his father's body. "Obstreperous"? Is that really the word you wanted to use? It seems like a wanton bit of vocabulary to me. It crossed the line between exquisite and pretentious, I would say. A synonym more simple, like "boisterous", would do more than suffice. But overall, I think my score will tell you that I liked the piece very well.

Score: 18/20

Title: The Poet
Author: Ruben

This piece portrays an interesting idea through an interesting author, but as writing I didn't find it compelling. It's very short, and subsequently I couldn't take it deep enough. I suppose your intent was to effect poetic verse by the terseness of your passages, but it doesn't quite suit the tone of the narration. I think you grasped the event and concept of the murder very well, and presented it as such, but you didn't really convey a sense of deeper understanding of the character, either poet or muse. And I didn't quite like the spoilers much. They were redundant in a way that made me feel stupid for clicking. (Also, "carry" instead of 'care'?)

Score: 13/20

Title: Dog Days
Author: aprilrain

The twist was really nice and the unspoken malice was great. I enjoyed this piece, and besides that I don't have much else to say. I will add that the tone of your piece sounded decidedly human (I would have liked a better word than 'cream' to describe both the melted ice cream and the dog's unique perception of humanity), and that the piece seemed stunted because of the word limitation. Good job.

Score: 17/20

Title: WritingForums Ruined My Life
Author: OasisWriter

Oasis Writer- your piece fulfilled my daily quota of happiness and laughter. I don't think I can quite critique it though, so I'll leave it at that.

Score: X/20

Title: They're Back
Author: Blackhawk_t

I really couldn't get into this piece very well. I'm sorry to say, but it didn't capture my imagination and it relied too strongly and adjectives and adverbs to describe the piece. I like the interesting twist you put on a banal task, but it really doesn't go much farther than that for me.

Score: 12/20

Title: Milking it for All It's Worth
Author: Jiieden

Very original, nice and creative. I only found small quirks with this piece and thought it was well done overall. It was humorous, of course, though at times it was a little gimmicky and young. For example, the term "robot cow" is comical, but does not match the narrator's tone and really doesn't enhance the humor (especially before the awkward "rapidly discovered"-- error of syntax). But I especially enjoyed that the cows sought an alliance with the yaks and goats and llamas and that they demanded a sovereign state (Bovinistan, no less :D), numerous other things besides.

Score: 15/20

Title: He Doth Protest Too Much
Author: Hodge

Great narration. The tone and rhetoric matched the simplistic mindset of the main character. The character himself was neatly twisted from antagonist to pro by the end of the story. Irony in the climax added impact. All good stuff. The only problem I would cite is the common terms littered in the rhetoric, but it matches the tone so it doesn't bother me much.

Score: 17/20 (assessed -1 penalty for excess words)

Title: A Secure Family
Author: AshBeanNun

I can't really appreciate this piece, quite possibly because motherhood is out of the question for me. But really, there was a malice riding in the story that didn't identify with the revenge grandparents might effect on their children through grandkids, and I can't understand exactly what the idea of 'secure family' means. Mostly this piece left me confused and I'm not sure if my score will be accurate to the degree others percieve it.

Score: 14/20

Title: Taste for Blood
Author: darthwader

The hitch at the end was superb and the whole piece was very original. A bit too liberal with the adverbs for my liking, though ("I gradually sped up, slowly gaining ground on my prey.") Also, the setting was not vivid enough to have much depth, but the intimate quality of the mosquito's bloodthirst is still immediate and the reader has that to munch on. Last thing: the denouement should be a little more vague so's the reader can really think about what happened. Don't just let him have it; make him work for it.

Score: 15/20

Title: Tastes a Little Cold
Author: eggo

You and Hodge both produced great examples of narration. Your tone is much more descriptive, but in both cases the pace and events blend nicely into a wonderful flow. (I found the hook you were talking about when you critiqued my "Solace" piece ;).) Some would call it abstract but I don't mind it at all. A few small punctuation/style hitches dotted here and there, and I think this piece was constricted by the word count. I would like to have seen it in its fleshed out version. The action is slightly convoluted during the climax, but again I'll chalk it up to the word limit. You stayed under, I'm glad to see.

Score: 18/20

Title: The Teacher
Author: Chris Miller

I'm a fan of your writing, Chris, but not so much the piece here. To be blunt, I thought it was thin, and maybe slightly immature (or 'peurile,' to jump on the bandwagon). Nice irony, though, the teacher getting a lesson from a pupil.

Score: 11/20

Title: A Woman's Art
Author: silverwriter

Good start, up until the cheesy "plotted her course of action". Just a little thin. After that, I felt like I could see right through the plot. Though I did especially like the last sentence. Suppose you do too.

Score: 15/20
 
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silverwriter

Hawke’s Scores

LM Challenge - Revenge

Before I begin, I just want to send kudos to Gohn for all of his work in the previous LM challenges, and to silverwriter for a agreeing to take over and doing an admirable job of it. Well done to the both of you. As for this challenge, I’d like to applaud all of the writers for their wonderful entries.

On a more personal note, please do not form a lynch party and camp out on my front lawn. For one thing, it’s illegal and I will not hesitate to call the police. For another, it is only my opinion and should be taken as such.

All of that said, here we go…


Title: Damaged Peace

Author: David Erwin

Very unnerving. A little tweaking and more clarity wold make it shine.

Score: 12/20
_________

Title: The Poet

Author: Ruben

This was shiver worthy, that‘s for sure. Excellent imagery. The only thing I can see as a detriment here is in needing to explain the plot in an author’s notes. It makes me (the reader) feel that you know you’ve missed the mark by that alone. Tell it, show it. But if you need to explain it, then you’ve failed. The story was good though. Cold and cruel, just like I like ‘em. On a personal note: When my muse left, I never considered killing someone for inspiration. Hmm. Must look into this more…

Score: 17/20
_________

Title: Dog Days

Author: aprilrain

Being a dog lover myself, I have to say that I very much enjoyed this. You gave just enough history to create sympathy for the main char, and at the end (dare I say?) left me grinning with satisfaction. Nice job.

Score: 17/20
_________

Title: Writingforums Ruined My Life

Author: Oasis Writer

Not sure if it‘s my mood or my 102 degree temperature. All I know is that I laughed my ass off with this one. Very entertaining, Oasis. Good job. Just what I needed!

Score: N/A
_________

Title: They‘re Back

Author: Blackhawk t

Another very entertaining piece. I honestly had no idea what it was until the end! Good job, Blackhawk. A super read.

Score: 16/20
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Title: Milking It For All It‘s Worth

Author: Jiieden

That was definitely a unique story. Violent and entertaining. Kind of gives a whole new meaning to the term “mad cow disease,” doesn‘t it? Good job.

Score: 13/20
_________

Title: He Doth Protest Too Much

Author: Hodge

This is the sort of story that sticks with you long after you‘ve read it. At least it did me. Well done, Hodge. I enjoyed this very much.

Score: 17/20 (one point off for word count)
_________

Title: A Secure Family

Author: AshBeanNun

This one hit a nerve with me. A serious piece exposing the pain and anger of a very realistic, silent but internally crumbling heroine. I liked this. A lot. I’d even go so far as to suggest that you consider expanding it. Well done.

Score: 19/20
_________

Title: Taste For Blood

Author: darthwader

This was a fun read. Never thought the villain would turn out to be… Nah, no worries. I won‘t ruin it for those who haven‘t read it yet. Good job.

Score: 14/20
_________

Title: Tastes A Little Cold

Author: eggo

A very poignant, very powerful piece. I can‘t say much more than that, other than well done.

Score: 18/20
_________

Title: The Teacher

Author: Chris Miller

Good story throughout. Nothing really wrong with it. It just didn’t grip me.

Score: 15/20
_________

Title: A Woman‘s Art

Author: silverwriter

Ah chica, this was nice. I‘m sure a lot of women were doing a little wishful thinking about their own hubbies/lovers as they read this. *grin* I liked this a lot. I liked that he‘d lied so much that he could do it again without skipping a beat. I also liked how calm, cool, and collected she was when she gave the miserable s.o.b. his “just desserts.” ahem. Good job.

Score: 18/20
 
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silverwriter

Oasis’ Scores

Title: Damaged Peace
Author: avatarOfDave
Very interesting, dark and the tone was creepy, but well written. I wasn’t sure about the ending, because I was lost for words to figure out what really happened. That was what really wrapped my mind, which is good and bad. But, leaning to good.
Score: 13/20

Title: The Poet
Author: Ruban
A very deep, sorrowful piece that help a short, sweet, and to the point meaning.
Score: 13/20

Title: Dog Days
Author: aprilrain
Oh…:)) - jeez…That’s sad…poor doggy….or…kid……Aw…precious :D Blow a tail, get a dead kid :D
Score: 16/20

Title: Writing Forums Ruined My Life
Author: Oasis Writer
THE BESTEST OF THE BEST :D OMG - I LOVED IT WITH A BILLION AND A HALF LOVE OF LOVE!
Score: More than a billion and a half/20 x/20
x/20

Title: They’re Back
Author: Blackhawk_t
Very cute little story. I laughed my butt off…he pee’d in the poison. :))
Score: 16/20

Title: Milking It For All It’s Worth
Author: Jiieden
Very cute, and funny. Ironic how cows and humans repeat history so often. I liked it, nice work.
Score: 15/20

Title: He Doth Protest Too Much
Author: Hodge
Wow, I have to say, I thought this story was going to suck and was easily drifted into it, very addicting. Awesome job.
Score: 17/20 (minus one point for word count)

Title: A Secure Family
Author: AshBeanNun
Very interesting and sweet. I wish I had more to say, I was impressed, your children are awesome.
Score: 14/20

Title: Taste For Blood
Author: darthwader
Hey man! What the hell, poor mosquito. :DVery creative, nice description and voice. Good work.
Score: 16/20

Title: Tastes a Little Cold
Author: eggo
So dark and mysterious. And hell if I’d ever want to see that ball anywhere near me. Poor guy too, he obviously died, concussion, carbon dioxide/monoxide, or just blood lose. Good work.
Score: 14/20

Title: The Teacher
Author: Chris Miller
Very impressive and emotionally grasping. You had one of the best teachers, I’d say. Congrats.
Score: 17/20

Title: A Woman’s Art
Author: silverwriter
Oh honey…I hope you wouldn’t do that to me. I said I fixed the stove door and bought the new dish washer…. :D Awesome job Jaime. No one will screw with you. :D
Score: 17/20
 
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silverwriter

Rico’s Scores

Title: Damaged Peace
Author: avatarofDave

This story left me really confused and I read it a couple times through, but still walked away not completely sure what was going on. The overuse of exclamation marks in the first paragraph really turned me off from this piece as well. It's clear that the narrator is some kind of raving lunatic and (I think) out to kill his dad, but I couldn't really get much further than that. There seemed to be no cause for the revenge theme of this - there was no clear evidence that the father (?) had done any real harm to the narrator, or even perceived harm.

11/20

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Title: The Poet
Author: Ruben

This was short and sweet, which made it nice. There was a definite glimpse of some true sickness in that the poet needs pain/blood/injury of those he loves in order to be inspired to write properly. What did confuse me, though, was whether it was truly revenge - i.e. he seemed to revel in the pain of it all, but seemed slightly ecstatic at all that his best friend & sweetheart had been in bed together.

14/20

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Title: Dog Days
Author: aprilrain

I really liked this one. I've never thought of dogs as particularly malicious creatures, but you have portrayed the fairly simplistic, yet still quite thoughtful mind of a dog. I don't think I could actually picture a dog doing this, actually getting a boy killed by the garbage truck, but it still makes for a chilling thought - and reminds me to be nice to any animal I see, for fear that they may plot against me. After all, who really knows how animals think about us?

17/20

~~

Title: Writingforums Ruined My Life
Author: Oasis Writer

This one was cute, and made me laugh a little. There were some spelling/grammar mistakes, but not enough to really detract from the piece as a whole. I'm not certain, however, that the title is necessarily fitting to the rest of the piece. It was made even more amusing simply by the fact that while I couldn't see this happening, it all revolves around a setting everyone on WF is very familiar with. All in all, quite an enjoyable piece.

16/20

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Title: They're Back
Author: Blackhawk_t

I really liked this one. The way you built up the suspense made me think that it was something far worse than just weeds, like there was a real, life-threatening invasion. It made the discovery of what it was all the more amusing. However, I think the piece suffered from lack of a very good title - in my opinion, it could have been much better. Also, not sure that this is explicitly revenge more than just destruction. I'm not saying that that's a bad thing, just that it veers from the theme a little.

15/20

~ ~

Title: Milking It For All It's Worth
Author: Jieden

This was an interesting and amusing story, to be certain. The tone was great, there were no spelling/grammar mistakes that I noticed on my read-through. I simply question the utter implausibility of it. Now, to be certain, writers have a decent amount of artistic license to mess around with the way the world works, and the reader duly suspends their disbelief for the sake of the story. Yet here I found it very difficult to suspend my disbelief. There's just too much that didn't make enough sense, primarily, how would the cows build a robot cow?

12/20

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Title: He Doth Protest Too Much
Author: Hodge

Magnificent story, and god did that bastard deserve it. The style was wonderful, and the use of a mythological creature as a plot device was very interesting and made for a much more well-rounded story. Though it was a tiny bit confusing at first, the confusion was quickly dismissed. Excellent job.

18/20 (minus one point for word count)

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Title: A Secure Family
Author: AshBeanNun

I really didn't see much of the revenge motive of the story, to be completely honest. It was an alright story on its own merits, and while the spelling/grammar was impeccable, and there was a decent tone to all of it, it just seemed to lack a certain something. The possible subtle revenge of the parents just doesn't seem to be enough to really pull that theme to the front of this story.

10/20

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Title: Taste For Blood
Author: darthwader

This one was very amusing. Not finding out that it was a mosquito until the very end made me smile. The only problem I had with this one was the sudden shift of viewpoint from the mosquito to the man. I feel like there should have been a smoother transition there. I know, however, that the word limit constrained your ability to do so.

17/20

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Title: Tastes a Little Cold
Author: Eggo

I really can't decide where the revenge comes in in this story. Maybe its too subtle for me to notice, and I apologize if that's the case. Also, you switched from past to present tense a couple of times within the story. Overall, I couldn't really sense that this was a completed story, it felt as if this was just one tiny bit chopped out of a much larger piece.

13/20

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Title: The Teacher
Author: Chris Miller

Nice and short and effective. A very subtle kind of revenge. I do think there was a slight excess of adjectives, but otherwise this was a very enjoyable story. The only issue I had with it is why the teacher would offer an apology without the student providing any kind of proof of his own. Then again, you had space constraints, and I liked it as short as it was.

17/20

~~

Title: A Woman's Art
Author: silverwriter

Very nice short, with all the good elements of revenge. In fact, I say that the fiance was entirely deserving of what she did to him. I did, however, find it a little bit cliche. Unlike some of the other entries, I was fairly sure what was going to happen right from the very beginning. This was countered, though, by the sweet satisfaction of the actual revenge itself. :)

16/20
 
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silverwriter

silverwriter’s scores

Title: Damaged Peace
Author: avatarOfDave

I’m a bit confused as to exactly what’s going on in this piece. There is strong feeling and good, strong language, but without clarity, I find myself a bit put off by it. Only in the end do I get the visual of a weapon, and even then I’m not quite sure exactly what you’re doing with it - unless it’s entirely too late in the evening for me to be reading these things. Very strong, as I said, but spell it out for me a little more.

Score: 10

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Title: The Poet
Author: Ruben

No worries about the reader not understanding what happened, dahlink. Very nicely done, playing up a cliché revenge attack in a short about revenge. I like. Then again, I always like a good bloodbath in my reading. Hehe. There were a couple nitpicks, but as always, I admire you going for these things in a language that isn’t your first. I especially like the couple being as one muse.

Score: 18

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Title: Dog Days
Author: Aprilrain

Nice first line. I have to say, as I was going along, I thought there would be something of a more mild ending. The self-satisfied tone I felt at the end was almost chilling. The good neighborhood pet strikes revenge. Very nicely done with a good groundwork to get me into it and an ending that took me by surprise.

Score: 18

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Title: Writingforums Ruined My Life
Author: Oasis

You had me laughing at “Well, let me monologue.” Very funny. Nice plan, though you could have just rented a tux, hon. I’m sure we could find something in your size… Anywho, there were some little nitpicks, but nothing that I didn’t just gloss over for like of the story.

Score: X

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Title: They’re Back
Author: Blackhawk_t

I’m not sure if you were going for completely serious/edgy in the beginning, but it had me giggling. This whole piece was highly amusing, though his water solution made me blink for a moment. I can’t imagine him running around spraying everything given that little ingredient. Hehe. Overall, very entertaining.

Score: 15

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Title: Milking It For All It’s Worth
Author: Jiieden

For some reason I have “All your base are belong to us” popping into my mind as I read this. On the technical side, I feel like you are using some “high” language (no, not that you have smoked pot) for the sake of using some “intelligent” sounding words. In a piece like this, I want to read as much everyday language as possible. Interesting concept. It’s too bad there was such a small word count. I want to know how in the world a robot cow came to be there.

Score: 12

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Title: He Doth Protest Too Much
Author: Hodge

You certainly have a way of painting someone everyone can hate. I couldn’t wait to see him get whatever was coming to him. The thing that truly did it for me was the ending sentence. The tone remained consistent through the piece right to the very end with that little bit of added impact at the end. Very nicely done.

Score: 18 (minus one point for word count)

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Title: A Secure Family
Author: AshBeanNun

My, my. This a very intense piece and one I can identify with in the small images, like the soap and the wobbling ceiling fan. I believe the small details keep me hooked after I start reading, so that definitely adds to the experience. I like how I truly got to feeling for the woman and her situation. Quite powerful and well written.

Score: 18

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Title: Taste For Blood
Author: darthwader

The preoccupation with blood is rather interesting, as blood is one of my favorite images in writing. Interesing ending by far. I thought something was a little odd (slightly vampiric) about this. Quite interesting way to go with it.

Score: 16

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Title: Tastes a Little Cold
Author: eggo

Very interesting use of tense. It's not in a way that smacks the reader in the face either; it's just a tense, as it should be. This is a nice little karma piece that left me a little chilled and the violence didn't even happen to the person we want the revenge on. Just a little nap... Nice.

Score: 17

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Title: The Teacher
Author: Chris Miller

I like the definition of revenge starting it out. Looks like something I would do. ;) Hm. I like the story, but I would have liked to have seen it lengthened out. Tell me what he looks like. Just how much did you feel his “betrayal”? Was the exchange at the table intense? Why? Just sorts of things like that. Nice play on words in the end. Nice strategy too. Must make a note of that…

Score: 14

~

Title: A Woman’s Art
Author: silverwriter



Score: X
 

Oasis Writer

Senior Member
I'm an honorable person :( That sucks. Oh well, seems I was liked, even with lack of score. Awesome, next time I'll try harder :D :)lol: harder to keep in word count)

Thanks for letting me judge Jaime, I'll await next week for another read and write.

Cheers
 

darthwader

Senior Member
Whoa, I was not expecting to come anywhere near the top, so I am most grateful for that. I've been sick as a dog for the last week, so this has really perked me up.

I'd like to thank the judges for their time, and of course Silverwriter for posting this, and doing all the leg work.

Congratulations to Aprilrain and Hodge, a well deserved first place for both of you.

I can't wait until the next LM. I'll be sure to put in a greater effort, and try to win first place:p
 
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aprilrain

Oh, wow. I'm stunned. As with most of my writing, the minute I posted Dog Days, it was all I could do to not recall it and edit it to make it better. I'm so pleased it was enjoyed.

Thank you so, so much to Silverwriter for volunteering to do this and putting it all together. A big thanks to the other judges and congrats to the others on the list. (Does this mean that Hodge and I have to share the crown? Maybe I can have it this week and he can wear it next...aw, never mind, we'll work out a schedule...)
 
S

silverwriter

Oasis Writer said:
I'm an honorable person :( That sucks. Oh well, seems I was liked, even with lack of score. Awesome, next time I'll try harder :D :)lol: harder to keep in word count)

Thanks for letting me judge Jaime, I'll await next week for another read and write.

Cheers

aww. i still love you dahlink. just keep the wrodcount down next time.

*cracks whip*

don't make me tie you up again
 

Ruben

Senior Member
Ah, scores! Eureka!

Like every time, a great congratsulations and a big thank you to all the members who took their time to comment on alllll these posts. And of course, an extra big bouquet for silverwriter ;) You've done an excellent job!

(Yes, I realize I took myself out of the placing. I reserve the right to. Hehe.)
Without that, I wouldn't have been in the top 5; one million little european kisses, suggah.
----

They were redundant in a way that made me feel stupid for clicking.
Woops, not my intention.

(Also, "carry" instead of 'care'?)
*smacks head* I think so too, thanks.

hawke said:
When my muse left, I never considered killing someone for inspiration. Hmm. Must look into this more…
Lol!

rico said:
What did confuse me, though, was whether it was truly revenge - i.e. he seemed to revel in the pain of it all, but seemed slightly ecstatic at all that his best friend & sweetheart had been in bed together.
Hmm, I see your point. But surely, he wouldn't have done it if he wasn't betrayed; so revenge has to do with it.

Oasis Writer - Could you give some more comment about it? Since my score wasn't so good from you, I'm curious, so I can improve myself.

About all the "don't explain plot"-comments: I'm sorry. Some people just didn't seem to get it, and one of the things I hate the most, is when people don't understand what I'm talking about. I'll be sure to leave the spoilers out next time.
 
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FollowingShadow

Senior Member
Great stuff. I think we're already good for congratulations, but y'all have mine anyways, silverwriter and judges, and the submissions were all great to read. Class stuff.
 

Pawn

Patron
Just wanted to congratulate silverwriter and her judges on an excellent Maneuver.

Great work!
 
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Hodge

pliable
Senior Member
silverwriter said:
This time I am going to take one point off each of Hodge’s scores (seem fair for 106 words over?)

Hmph! Just had to go and do a word count, didn't you?

Thanks to all the judges and silverwriter for putting all this together and making it successful -- I know how painstaking and time consuming it can be to read through all the submissions and score them fairly and give them honest comments.
 
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LoneWolf

Senior Member
My most sincere apologies to everyone, judges and participants of this LM. I had an emergency that had to do with my aunt and I had to go out of town last Thursday. I have the scores and whatnot but I just didn't get the chance to send them in time. If anyone wants them, just PM me. Again, I'm truly sorry. Congrats to everyone and sorry to the judges for being so unreliable.

LoneWolf
 

eggo

Patron
Number three!

Thank you judges. I appreciate the time and trouble it take to score these things. A big thank you to Silverwriter for dragging this thing together. I have participating in this thing since last year and this was run as smoothly as any.

indiviual notes,

Hey Aprilrain

There are several effective turns of phrases and uses of descriptive imagery. The verb tense inconsistencies distracted me somewhat. There is potential here, but I feel like I missed something, particularly as it relates to the ball. The drunk driver presumably killed a child but yet he sustains various injuries of his own making. Your use of subtlety is commendable, but I felt the character deserved more fateful revenge.

The title should have given it away, “ Revenge is a dish best served cold”.

Ezekiel 25:17
“And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger
Those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.
And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

Leave revenge to God(Or any ultimate being of your choice), he already said he’d take care of it.

Hey Fs,

You were right on when it came to the constriction from word count. I had to cut about fifty words of pretty nice descriptive prose to make it fit, but such is life.

Hey Hawke,

Thank you very much.

Hey Oasis,

Have you figured out who the ball was?

Hey Rico,

I really can't decide where the revenge comes in in this story.

Hope I clarified, stupid thing for a writer to say.


Hey Silverwriter,
Very interesting use of tense. It's not in a way that smacks the reader in the face either; it's just a tense, as it should be. This is a nice little karma piece that left me a little chilled and the
violence didn't even happen to the person we want the revenge on. Just a little nap... Nice
Karma….exactly what I was looking for.


Thanks
 

Jiieden

Senior Member
Hmm, I find it interesting that several of the judges thought my story about the robot cow wasn't realistic. Obviously it wasn't supposed to be - yet nevertheless it should have been?

It's interesting (not in a Jiieden is bitter-and-nursing-his-wounds-way) because it calls up the question of realism in humour. Things which aren't real, and aren't even close to being real - are often funny.

Yet they need a tinge of believability, right? It's a tricky tight-rope I guess.

Still, a subject to muse on for next time...LM has taught me, and now I grow stonger! Bring on the next one!
 
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