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01-11-05 | Scores (1 Viewer)

M

ms. vodka

Title: Mirrored
Author: Farror
The rhythm of this piece seems sketchy to me, and the repetition in the first line isn’t working. Why repeat late twice? I think the rhyme in the last two lines of each stanza worked nicely, however. Fear and mirror was a bit of a stretch though. Good set up and imaginative finish.

Score: 16/20

Title: None
Author: bobothegoat
A bit wordy. Rhythm slightly off. Some of the rhyme is forced and really, it feels a bit more biblical than scary, although I guess biblical can be considered scary sometimes. The grammar in this is also a bit inconsistent. Overall, and interesting piece, though.

Score: 15/20

Title: The Winning Entry
Author: dannyboy
Oooooohhhh- fancy play on words in the title. This seems slightly wordy for you. Not quite up to your usual level. I liked the way you used Tarantino to measure the amount of blood. I also like how the murderer was surprised by the extra scream and kick she had left, nice detail. So, he called the ambulance after he did it?

Score: 17/20

Title: No Title
Author: Silverwriter
I think you did a good job setting an eerie scene here, but some of the rhyme is terribly forced, such as stanza four quiet and it. In the mold and cold, is the scent of death really going to be sweet? But really, I do think it was quite a bit more eerie than some of the rest.

Score: 16/20

Title: The Dark Night
Author: Sanyuja
Okay, the rhythm in this is all over and the rhyme is inconsistent. I think you need to decide where and when you want rhyme here and use it consistently; otherwise it just throws your reader off track. As with Silverwriter, though, you set the scene nicely. I like the idea of the person just terrified sitting there waiting for sunrise.

Score: 14/20



Title: Alone in the Dark
Author: murdershewrote2005
Well, I don’t know why you capitalized the first word of each line, and your grammar is way off. The imagery is very good, as I would expect from you. Although some of the story seems a bit unclear to me at first. I think you could do a slightly better job connecting the stanzas. Also, I wanted the last stanza to be scarier. I don’t think it was as scary as the first two. I wanted her to get killed or something.

Score: 16/20

Title: Untitled
Author: thehappyhobo
Interesting, definitely. The extra long fourth line is killing this, though. Also, it feels like it’s just getting started. It’s a bit too brief. I think you could have put more effort into it and used more imagery.

Score: 14/20

Title: The Masochist
Author: NatureHoldsAnswers
Interesting play on the teased kid goes crazy scene. However, this feels more like prose than poetry to me. It’s much too wordy and lacks any real restraint or discipline. As for scariness, well, not really if you ever watch the evening news.

Score: 14/20

Title: The Man in the Mirror
Author: LoneWolf
Well, when I saw the title I thought this was going to be about Michael Jackson and I really did get scared… har, har, har. Well, this has a lot of good imagery, that’s for sure, but feels very prosy to me. I think it feels like it would make an excellent beginning to a short story, but is somewhat lacking in poetic style.

Score: 15/20

Title: Untitled
Author: Mithose
This piece is very good. Smooth, the rhyme feels natural. The only thing really killing you is grammar and misspelled words. Such as ‘yur’ in the first stanza. Excellent imagery. Nicely done, really, Mithose. I’m impressed.

Score: 18/20

Title: Of Thoughts Alone
Author: Philo
Very, very good. Excellent use of rhyme, interesting story. Spooky. Rhythm maybe slightly bumpy here or there, but overall, very well done.

Score: 19/20

Title: Refrigerated Nights
Author: eggo
Amusing, but the form makes it jerky. Also, it reads as prose and could use with a bit more imagery. The first line, also, is too cliché for my tastes.

Score: 15/20
 

Hodge

pliable
Senior Member
[disc]I am no poet, and none of these reviews reflect in any way how I view an author's ability as compared to my own. In fact, all of these are better than anything I could write.[/disc]

Title: Mirrored
Author: Farror

The periods really threw me off here in terms of flow. All the punctuation, really, as I didn't get to experience the rhymes as I should have. I'm sorry to say that this piece just didn't do it for me. Some of the content seemed a bit forced (for filler or for rhyming), and there just wasn't enough atmosphere to make the ending surprise or tickle me in any way. I did like the ending, though.

Score: 12/20


Title: Untitled (shame on you!)
Author: bobothegoat

Your piece is very deliberate in its wording, and the rhymes, I hate to say, sound a bit forced and uninspired. It also doesn't set up the atmosphere I view as so necessary for a scary poem, so this ends up sounding like a potentially scary figure (death) and some lost souls on a blank piece of paper. That last stanza confused me as well; it felt like you were missing one or two other stanzas above it.

Score: 10/20


Title: The Winning Entry
Author: dannyboy

You got the atmosphere down right from the beginning. Good job. Very sensuous and almost sexy—in a psychopath sort of way. However, it seemed to lose steam as it progressed. Your mention of Tarantino added a pop culture reference that I felt devalued the poem as a whole, and really, not enough seems to happen in it for what the beginning set it up for. I expected something very twisted, but all I got was something murderous with sexual innuendo.

Score 15/20


Title: Untitled
Author: silverwriter

Somewhat corny ending, and a couple of the rhymes bugged me, but overall this was a really cool piece. I absolutely love that third stanza.

Score: 18/20


Title: the dark night
Author: sanyuja

This seemed more like prose than a poem to me. A noble effort, but I don't think it evoked particularly strong imagery or emotions.

Score 11/20


Title: Alone in the Dark
Author: murdershewrote2005

This didn't seem scary so much as it did traumatic. It evoked images of a girl being raped in an alley, and since you did that very well you get an extra point. Actually, I was going to give this a worse score, but I just read it again and I must say, good work!

Score: 17/20


Title: Untitled
Author: thehappyhobo

Short and sweet. I like this one a lot. Very creepy, very disturbing. Gave me goosebumps in my ear. Can't really see anything wrong with it...

Score: 19/20


Title: The Masochist
Author: NatureHoldsAnswers

This reads like prose, with a couple rhymes added in. Sorry to say, but it's not really scary or anything. There's nothing really wrong with it, save that it doesn't pique my interest or really fit the theme.

Score: 9/20


Title: The Man in the Mirror
Author: LoneWolf

Okay, no goosebumps whatsoever from this. I did get a chuckle, however, and I sense that was your intent. Great depiction of the cliché Psycho scene, and that last stanza is gold. Minus one point for not even trying to give me goosebumps, though.

Score: 16/20


Title: Untitled
Author: Mithose

Minus a point for spelling errors. The rhyme scheme initially threw me off, but it ended up working fairly well. You also set up a very nice atmosphere, although it's more lamenting than scary. That last stanza also ruined the mood for me. Good poem, though.

Score: 15/20


Title: Of Thoughts Alone
Author: Philo

I like this. Very good! Reminds me of Poe, although the naming of the woman "Jill" made me laugh and spoiled the mood. Since you don't name the speaker "Jack" I'll just assume it's a coincidence.

Score: 18/20


Title: Refrigerated Nights
Author: eggo

I thought this had the potential to be something truly frightening. I was hoping you'd pull a Lovecraft to complement Philo's Poe, but you went for a twisted and slightly funny route instead. Nothing really wrong with that route, except it doesn't give me goosebumps that way. It also didn't flow very well, but it was still enjoyable.

Score: 13/20
 
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S

silverwriter

Title: Mirrored
Author: Farror

Interesting piece, but it seemed to stay at the same level tone throughout the entire thing which didn’t really spark me all too much. The piece felt like you were trying a bit too hard to get the rhyme rather than concentrating on the words and what you are trying to say. I like it, but I think a little more suspense could have been added in there. Perhaps give the reader a bit more of the senses to identify with.

Score: 13/20


Title: Untitled
Author: bobothegoat

Wow, I really like this. However, for goosebumps, it doesn’t do it for me and I am forced to admit a lack of emotion in that area. Also there are punctuation and capitalization errors. I love the images you give. It sounds vaguely familiar like a book I’ve read, but… Ah well. I do like it very much as a general poem.

Score: 12/20


Title: The Winning Entry
Author: dannyboy

This is a good piece, but the structuring threw me off in places. Especially where you decided to break it in some places. The images are great and the fear inspired by some killer are great. With some tweaking to the technical aspects, this poem would be flawless and would indeed give readers goosebumps.

Score: 16/20


Title: Untitled
Author: silverwriter
Score: NA


Title: The Dark Night
Author: sanyuja

Well, despite punctuation and capitalization errors, I liked this piece. The tone really kept me going and you presented some very nice images. While I am a battle hardened horror flick gal, you still got me to lean in just a little closer to the screen and curl up just a little tighter.

Score: 14/20


Title: Alone in the Dark
Author: murdershewrote2005

Every line capitalized except the very last two was a bit strange. The tone was fantastic. The images and the words you use didn’t keep me reading because of the pull of the flow but rather because I wanted to see what you were going to do with it/where you were going to take it. To end it with being a prisoner in her own mind is great.

Score: 16/20


Title: Untitled
Author: thehappyhobo

The structure was a bit off as well as the punctuation, but this poem really did it for me. I can imagine someone sitting and telling this gruesome story and ending with “as they ate him.” Kind of creeps me out, I must confess. The words more than the images present the feeling in this (does that make sense?) which is different for me because I usually am focused and driven by imagery. A little tweaking in the other areas and this will be a great little piece.

Score: 17/20


Title: The Masochist
Author: NatureHoldsAnswers

This doesn’t read like a poem, I’m afraid. Also, while it has a slightly “off” quality for the theme, it didn’t give me much suspense or feeling. You’ve laid out an interesting scene and some of the images are nice, but I can really only see this expanded out as a short story.

Score: 10/20


Title: The Man in the Mirror
Author: LoneWolf

I liked your tone in this simply because it isn’t one I have encountered before. (Or I haven’t chosen to take another poem this way.) The “shower scene” is a classic horror scene. While it works well for the theme, I get a sort of “Twilight Zone” or “Outer Limits” guy voice in my head when I am reading this. A bit sad for me, but quite funny in the same respect.

Score: 14/20


Title: Untitled
Author: Mithose

Wow. I very much liked this piece. It reminded me a lot of a Poe-like poem or perhaps of that painting “The Scream.” I’m not used to consistent line-by-line rhymes, but I think you did quite nicely. The images are great too. Especially the last line considering it’s winter here and I currently have a cool breeze on my back.

Score: 18/20


Title: Of Thoughts Alone
Author: Philo

Excellent. Besides minor punctuation and capitalization, I loved it. The wording and flow kept my eyes glued to the screen as I was reading. As for goosebumps, I didn’t get any, but you came darn well close. The tone stayed consistent throughout and the imagery is just excellent (in my mind).

Score: 19/20


Title: Refrigerated Nights
Author: eggo

This is the kind of poetry that leaves you thinking, “What in the world?” Slightly sick, slightly twisted, and one of those mind-boggling things. I never saw the end coming, strangely enough. The way you put it made it seem like it was the only natural solution, so why not? Creepy. The images were nice and, where I would usually say to incorporate some of the other senses, it doesn’t really need it all that much in this one. A little tweaking and it’s just fine.

Score: 17/20
 

LoneWolf

Senior Member
Thank you vodka, Hodge, and silverwriter. Ugh, I feel kind of icky seeing how badly I did. *sigh* Oh well. Thanks for judging and taking the time to read through all of these. :)

LW 'preme
 

bobothegoat

Senior Member
If it makes you feel better, I think you did better than I did. Ah well.

Hopefully, Pawn will get his scores up soon.
 

LoneWolf

Senior Member
Thanks, bobo. It makes me feel a bit better, but I liked your poem more than mine!

By the way, I like the hat...very fitting for your goat.
 
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