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KILL IT WITH FIRE

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On a personal note, I'm seriously sick of my content being burried. This isn't like a couple days, this is over a month of every single thing I post being completely ignored.

This is irking the hell out of me.

Most of the people I liked when I joined are gone.

What the fuck even happened to Plasticweld? Why was he banned?

Ugh.

Whatever.

This isn't half the song yet, and it's going to be at least 7 minutes long before it's done with extremely long lyrics.

This is what I have composed so far, and the lyrics are included below.



The final passage before the transition will be a repeat of the fast section, which I have determined is more dynamically sound. The lyrics reflect this. I have also included a hardcore punk rap which will go after this for added critique if possible.

KILL IT WITH FIRE

[Intro 1]
[Intro 2]

[Breakdown]
I GOT A TORCH
I GOT SOME GAS
LIGHT SOME SHIT UP
TURN IT TO ASH

[Melody]
I'm gonna kill you all
I'm gonna burn this shit down
There's nowhere you can hide
My fire never dies

[Bridge]
[Solo]
[Bridge]

[Melody]
I've risen above the wreckage of what is left of humanity;
I know the final answer now, I've seen the truth; the golden key -
the crimson flame, the scalding wave, my pounding heart; (CONFLAGRATION)
fear death no more, the pain is gone, let fire take me; (IMMOLATION)

DIE!

[Guitar solo]

[Melody]
Ignition burns; the friction turns the planet earth; the black smoke rises
on the wind; purge wordly sin - it exists no more in this suffocating silence
Earth to earth; ashes to ashes; dust to dust; (RESTITUTION)
Ashes in your mouth; ashes in your eyes; ashes up your ass; (ABSOLUTION)

DIE!

[Bridge]
(FAST)
I don't know what the fuck I got to do
to get it through to you; I'm sick and fucking tired of all the shit you've put me through, and I really hope the last thing i get to smell is the stench of your rotting corpse before the flames engulf me to my death

[SOLO]

...

I'm going to add a lot of transitions after this, and I expect the song to be well around 7 minutes long before I finish writing it.

I don't expect a single goddamn word of criticism or an answer to my previous question, but whatever.

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Updated June 17th, 2020 at 02:21 AM by RhythmOvPain

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Comments

  1. TL Murphy's Avatar
    I'm not a musician but a poet. So I don't spend time on the song-writer's board. But I see that you posted some poems in NaPoWriMo, which is not a place where you will get in-depth critique. But if you bring some of those poems over to the Poetry and Lyrics board you will likely get more attention. No promises. I personally don't feel qualified to comment on song lyrics and I don't particularly like rhyming couplets so I usually don't have much to say about that kind of poetry. And I would probably avoid commenting on poetry that uses excessive profanity. Although I use plenty of profanity myself, I just see it as something that is most effective used judiciously. Gratuitous profanity indicates an aggressive personality behind the words who already feels persecuted and is likely to be threatened by honest critique, and no one wants that. But others will likely weigh in. I also read somewhere that people who use a lot of profanity tend to be more honest than people who don't - so , there you go. Keep in mind that for every poem you post in a poetry workshop you are expected to make at least two critiques.
  2. BornForBurning's Avatar
    Okay, I will try my hand at critiquing this. A couple notes. 1) I know nothing about music. My compositional knowledge is limited to trying to riff off of Bathory and Deicide. 2) Metal is difficult to critique on a pure lead level because a huge part of the metal sound comes from drums and bass. Without drums and bass, leads sound weird and naked, no matter how great they are.

    Okay.

    So clearly on a technical level you are a highly skilled guitarist. I wish I could tremolo pick my solos like that! Compositionally, eh...pretty stereotypical thrash. Reminded me of this Swiss outfit, partly due to the guitar tone, I think. I liked when around 2:15 it went into a sad minor as opposed to an angry minor. That was interesting, didn't expect that. Speed is good, but speed for its own sake is kind of meh in my opinion. Anyone can play fast, but few guys can turn pure speed into compositional genius like Jon Nodveidt or Quorthon or Nicke Andersson can/could.

    The lyrics are interesting. Cliche, but I don't count that against you. It's metal! So much time has been wasted in this genre trying to 'innovate' and fix what ain't broke. I do disagree on a moral level with the nihilism and cursing, though. And I think melody one and two are pretty weak. Feels onanistic and self-righteous, not threatening or dark.

    Overall, I would enjoy moshing to this at a festival. I don't think I would listen to it on my own time.
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