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Irwin

Interacting with difficult people

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In my old frickin' age, where 40 year old women look like hot young babes, I try to be respectful towards others. I have my flaws, lord knows I do, so I don't expect perfection in others. (Of course, if someone is a white supremacist, they deserve to be treated badly, but that's another story.) It's just that there are so many assholes in the world, that it's turned me into a misanthrope, and I just don't feel like weeding through the crop to pick out the good ones.

If only the novel coronavirus (as opposed to the old and boring coronavirus) would just take out the assholes in the world and leave the rest of us alone, that would be great, but that's not how things work in this shitty fuckin' world. Tom Hanks, one of the nicest, most talented people, and funniest people in the world was just diagnosed with the virus. On the other end of the spectrum, so was one of Bolsonaro staff.

One solution is alcohol, but excessive use can cause all sorts of problems, and after a while, it doesn't make you feel good any more. Sleep is good. A good book or movie helps, but sometimes, you just want a pain killer.

Last night was one of those times. My wife and I had a little party, and after she went to bed, I put in some earbuds and watched some classic rock concert videos on YouTube. Thank god for YouTube. That was one of his better creations. Oh, wait... he didn't do that? He did help the Chiefs win the Super Bowl, didn't he? Yeah. Pfew! I had a bit of doubt there for a second.

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  1. Neetu's Avatar
    Not sure what exactly you’re venting about, Irwin. Is it age, older women, Coronavirus, or something else?
    Ah, yes, difficult people! But doesn't it depend on our own lens how we see "difficult"? And if someone is "difficult", it's best to steer away. Someone may be difficult for one individual but not for another!
    Updated March 13th, 2020 at 03:00 AM by Neetu
  2. Irwin's Avatar
    That's true, Neetu. White supremacists, for example, can be the nicest people to their friends and relatives. I knew a bunch of them in my younger days. Which leads to the age old question: If an asshole is nice to some people, is he or she no longer an asshole?

    It's like the Golden Rule to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. A lot of people believe that if they do some nice deeds, that wipes out all the evil that they also do.

    I prefer the negative ethic of reciprocity: What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. In other words, don't be an asshole. If you do good things for others, that's great, but above all else, don't do bad things.

    People will come up with all sorts of excuses to be an asshole, which is why I "steer away" from most of them, but some of them force themselves on you and won't let you avoid them, in which case it seems like you're intentionally causing them distress, when in reality, your intention is to just not have anything to do with them.
  3. Pulse's Avatar
    Yeah. 'Do no harm' is a good principle to live by if you can. Some people even work on 'random acts of kindness', but you may not want to be a virtuoso.

    Sounds like you are trying to protect yourself against people who offend you. Alcohol only works for a short timespan, so YuuTube is currently in favour.

    Arseholes get a wide berth.

    Anything we can do for you here?
  4. clark's Avatar
    Irwin -- Your post seems one of Discovery: good grief! There are a lot of assholes in the world! Indeed there are. There are also a lot of good, decent, caring people in the world. Have you asked yourself why most of the people you medddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddk
  5. clark's Avatar
    Irwin -- Your post seems one of Discovery: good grief! There are a lot of assholes in the world! Indeed there are. There are also a lot of good, decent, caring people in the world. Have you asked yourself why most of the people you interact with seem to be assholes? A corollary of that: what criteria do you exact on the people you interact with to determine where they land on the asshole scale? Does THAT require some tweaking? Are you actively looking for The Good in people. Or are you hypersensitive to The Bad? Quick to judge? I am not criticizing your perspective on the world. I am just throwing out a few questions which, if pursued, might cheer your days a bit.
  6. Neetu's Avatar
    Good point, Irwin. I steer away from such people too. When you know youíre dealing with closed minds, whatís the point? were just wasting our time. And it seems like thereís a lot of people were wasting our time with these days. Thatís probably why I donít feel like communicating much at all!

    Quote Originally Posted by Irwin
    That's true, Neetu. White supremacists, for example, can be the nicest people to their friends and relatives. I knew a bunch of them in my younger days. Which leads to the age old question: If an asshole is nice to some people, is he or she no longer an asshole?

    It's like the Golden Rule to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. A lot of people believe that if they do some nice deeds, that wipes out all the evil that they also do.

    I prefer the negative ethic of reciprocity: What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. In other words, don't be an asshole. If you do good things for others, that's great, but above all else, don't do bad things.

    People will come up with all sorts of excuses to be an asshole, which is why I "steer away" from most of them, but some of them force themselves on you and won't let you avoid them, in which case it seems like you're intentionally causing them distress, when in reality, your intention is to just not have anything to do with them.
  7. Irwin's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by clark
    Irwin -- Your post seems one of Discovery: good grief! There are a lot of assholes in the world! Indeed there are. There are also a lot of good, decent, caring people in the world. Have you asked yourself why most of the people you interact with seem to be assholes? A corollary of that: what criteria do you exact on the people you interact with to determine where they land on the asshole scale? Does THAT require some tweaking? Are you actively looking for The Good in people. Or are you hypersensitive to The Bad? Quick to judge? I am not criticizing your perspective on the world. I am just throwing out a few questions which, if pursued, might cheer your days a bit.
    Yeah, I agree that most people are decent. It's just my white supremacist neighbor who won't leave me alone. I hate to be rude to him, but his ilk has caused so much harm in the world that I refuse to be sociable with him or anyone like him.
  8. clark's Avatar
    IRWIN -- you are wise to "refuse to be sociable" with a person who has blueprinted a reality of hate for themselves and undoubtedly intends to follow it, so any more expansive ideas you might plant would fall on fallow ground. Just be a waste of time.
  9. dither's Avatar
    Damn! Neetu, you got me wondering about MY.....lens, and maybe I'M ...... hyper.
  10. Neetu's Avatar
    Hey dither, can I, or may I try your lens????

    Quote Originally Posted by dither
    Damn! Neetu, you got me wondering about MY.....lens, and maybe I'M ...... hyper.
  11. dither's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Neetu
    Hey dither, can I, or may I try your lens????
    Neetu
  12. Neetu's Avatar
    Dither, lenses come in varying forms, strength/power and degrees. We will always see the world through our own, the influences that have shaped them, and by extension, us.
    Irwin, as a non-white, I have a particularly sensitive lens to the mentality you have referenced, and while I have seldom encountered it openly, I did so very recently. It violated everything in me; it angered me, humiliated me and shook me up in a way I hadn’t thought was possible. And I told only one friend of mine about my experience, a white male friend, who more or less laughed it off because I had been bold enough to retort back to the white woman who attacked me, but I realized it could t feel to him how it felt to me.
    Later, actually a couple of days ago, I was able to tell two of my closest white female friends, and their response was instantly protective of me and intensely critical of the woman who had tried to degrade me. It all comes down to a view of the world and how sensitive we are to others.
    Ignorance is the root of such evil, and sadly,I don’t see change coming.

    Quote Originally Posted by dither
    Neetu
  13. dither's Avatar
    Sorry to read of your experience Neetu. When I go out I'm like a church-mouse scurrying about the periphery, skirting the edges of my very existence, and I hurry back to my home base asap. I avoid contact with people. When I HAVE to interact I'm courtesy and politeness personified, and, ironically in trying to go un-noticed, courtesy and politeness seems to get noticed, often making me feel quite un-comfortable.

    As for changes, the world's one total screw-up, ain't gonna happen.
  14. Irwin's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Neetu
    Irwin, as a non-white, I have a particularly sensitive lens to the mentality you have referenced, and while I have seldom encountered it openly, I did so very recently. It violated everything in me; it angered me, humiliated me and shook me up in a way I hadn’t thought was possible. And I told only one friend of mine about my experience, a white male friend, who more or less laughed it off because I had been bold enough to retort back to the white woman who attacked me, but I realized it could t feel to him how it felt to me.
    I'm sorry that happened to you, Neetu. Some people seem to need to put others down in order to feel good about themselves. They're miserable, bitter, hate-filled, xenophobic losers who never accomplished anything in life other than maybe serving in the military where they were given the right to kill exotic people. Imagine how happy the murderers must have been to live out their dreams and fantasies! And it made them feel like true "patriots" even though they're nothing like our Founding Fathers. They have more in common with the Loyalists from the Revolutionary War period. Our country was founded on progressive principles and by immigrants who rebelled against the Dark Ages--not by a backward conservatives.

    It hurts when you're put down for something over which you have no control, such as your heritage or race. I'm not Christian, and some say I'm not white, and when I see my people targeted, I wish that there was something I could do to help. But, alas, I live in the liberal, gay governor, Bernie supporting state of Colorado, where it's perfectly legal to smoke a joint in public! Even here, there are hate groups. Less than 30 years ago, this was a redneck "cowtown," and the rednecks haven't moved; they've just aged.

    The best way to deal with backward people is to avoid them when possible and to rely on your friends. They're the people who are important in this world and make life worth living. And the wankers (to use a British term) have their value, too. They give us stuff to write about.
  15. Neetu's Avatar
    Thanks, Irwin. I’ve been fortunate that I have called America home for over 2 decades and not been directly targeted in the way I was this time. But I’ve seen it happen to others and known undercurrents of it. And there are such people, highly educated even, right here in the forum, but I do what you say— stay away from them.
    it hurts to be treated this way and I’m sorry you have been brushed by it.
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