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Winston

I Don't Care. And Neither Do You. (language)

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First, welcome to my blog! If you're reading this, you're probably either an exiled poet that got distracted, or so bored with the REAL WF content that you decided to go slumming. The fact is, I don't care why you're here. I don't care if you're here at all.

You see, we're all just a random bunch of folks gathered together by our joy of writing. But, it appears that's where our similarities end. It's just as tribal here as anywhere else in cyberspace, or the real world. Sure, there is a thin veneer of civility, but just like a grade school playyard, little cliques form. The Cool Kids, who use their social skills like Jason Vorheees swings a chainsaw. The Smart Kids who use their wit like Hannibal Lecter wields a scalpel. The Cute Kids that no one can dislike (She's hugging a kitten! Awwwww). Future victims.

Hence, the blog title. I don't care. I don't care about being shunned by people that look down their noses at me. I've gotten use to it. I suppose you can say I've become kinda callused. Hardened and desensitized. I'm not proud of the fact, and I'm certainly not bragging. But despite all my numerous faults, lack of honesty is not one of them. I have to be truthful. I hate liars. And why should I hate myself when there are so many others more deserving of derision?

The circle of people that I trust and care for has shrank to a tiny circumference. It mainly contains my immediate family. And that's only because they've EARNED my trust. I don't know if I've ever suffered from the insanity of "unconditional love". There was a time long ago, I would have jumped on a grenade to save my platoon mates. But that ship has sailed. Now, I look around to see all these virtue-signaling, preening self-righteous do-gooders. And I can't decide how many are deluded idiots that think any of what the do matters, and how many are just attention-seeking hypocrites that should know better.

I Do Good because it is logical. There is no "love" left in my heart. I'll help a bum if that help gets him off the street. I will not help if all it does is lessens his suffering, temporarily. There are over seven billion people on this planet. At any moment, do you want to guess how many people are suffering? Do you really want to contemplate the immensity of evil, and our collective inability to even put a dent into it? Think about it, and it will drive you mad. Or already has.
Darwin. Nietzsche. Kant wrap your head around them?

I'm sure you think you care. Your emotional response to the horrific stories and images only validates your self-delusion. You probably even "do-something", like text #savekittens to 1234. I'm not going to play the holier-than-thou game. I'm not worried about losing that game. Re-read the first three words of the post title. I'm not here to validate your self-worth. That's you job.

Inside me, that 10 year old boy is still fiddling with his Vulcan IDIC ring, sitting on the bench in the dugout. I remember enjoying the game of baseball, but then learning to dislike the hypocrites that played it. Big kids, naturally blessed with superior athletic skills. They didn't give a shit about me. And neither do you.

I write, because I value myself. What I say matters, and I enjoy the process. I honestly don't give a rat's ass if 98% percent of y'all just stand in your circle in the playground and snicker at me. I am of no value to most of you. And I am more than okay with that. I fucking love it.

A very small number of people that read this will get it. To you, stay strong. Help others, but help yourself first. I'm not saying this because I care, but because the world is sliding into the shitter. Some of us that are clear thinking, independent, and strong will have to unclog the crapper. I can't do it by myself.

Then again, maybe I won't even bother. I can take care of my wife, and I raised my kids right and they can take care of themselves. Maybe later, when I have grandkids, my Care Factor may come up from 0.01 to 0.02. Maybe.

Thanks for reading. I'd like to say I hope you got something out of it, but I don't. Hope, that is. I don't do that.
What do the kids say today? "I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you."
And I hope no one got their feelings hurt... really.

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  1. -xXx-'s Avatar
    <snip>The circle of people that I trust and care for has shrank to a tiny circumference. It mainly contains my immediate family. And that's only because they've EARNED my trust. I don't know if I've ever suffered from the insanity of "unconditional love". There was a time long ago, I would have jumped on a grenade to save my platoon mates. But that ship has sailed. Now, I look around to see all these virtue-signaling, preening self-righteous do-gooders. And I can't decide how many are deluded idiots that think any of what the do matters, and how many are just attention-seeking hypocrites that should know better. <snip>

    I'm sure you think you care. Your emotional response to the horrific stories and images only validates your self-delusion. You probably even "do-something", like text #savekittens to 1234. I'm not going to play the holier-than-thou game. I'm not worried about losing that game. Re-read the first three words of the post title. I'm not here to validate your self-worth. That's you job.<snip>
    you rang?

    *puts on soup*
    *makes sammiches*
  2. Winston's Avatar
  3. TL Murphy's Avatar
  4. Theglasshouse's Avatar
    People experience real life consequences of how others treat them such as myself. I had depression since high school and maybe earlier. All because if you don't respect people other things could happen very likely in the mental areas off life such as depression. In high school before entering in as sophomore I was innocent on how people behaved. I developed anxiety and would cover my face because people behaving badly in class.

    We are innocent to many people we have no idea how they can harm us even as adults. If you will childhood is a mirror to adulthood. To me adulthood never ends. We are influenced by many things that happen when children. It is these sorts of people that when they aren't corrected could harm someone without knowing it.

    I grew up. I doubt I will be easily influenced by people who claim they are kind towards other people.

    But in practice these very people want to get away with their behavior even when unethical because they got away with abuse.

    This is my personal anecdote from mental disease, and it has nothing to do with the opening post. I wish I could share an experience and not quote a post instead. Since I will probably sound ignorant. I am not sure what the post in the blog was about. I posted it because it's better to inductively understand points from another person's lifetime experiences.
  5. dither's Avatar
    Good post Glasshouse, there is much truth, unfortunately, in what you say.
  6. BornForBurning's Avatar
    Winston I get your feelings, because I have felt them. Very strongly. But I disagree. Here's one 'cold' truth, cold like steel: the more you cut yourself off from others, the more you cut yourself. One more person you don't give a damn about is one more open wound. It's like lopping off a limb each time one gets bruised. In the end, you end up powerless and isolated. There's only one self-made uberman, and that's God. You can't run forever.

    A warning: speaking from personal experience, to be alone, truly alone, and at the mercy of the things that lurk in the dark is a fate worse than death.

    Happy New Year, and I hope things go well for you. Good luck with weird family btw; I've got those people too
  7. dither's Avatar
    BFB,

    I've got that T-Shirt and there's no way back.
  8. Asmoab's Avatar
    This has been an interesting thread to read. It seems you all have some history. It's slightly easier to approach an established crowd on the internet, than in the playground, but not much. Here goes anyway.

    I don't buy the world's going to shit view. Find a paper, or pamphlet, from any period in the last 300 years. The narrative is common - the youth of today are deteriorating, somebody will be promoting a credible end of the world scenario, there are innumerable examples of man's inhumanity to man.

    It's the human condition, it has black and white and everything in between in any population or any one brain. You've got to live it, so why not enjoy it. If rose tinted specs make the world look brighter than wearing sunglasses, choose the rose stinted ones. The view they give is no more or less accurate than the sunglasses, but the world looks better.

    I'm a newbie. I'd wondered if Winston's post was so over the top it was a writing exercise.
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