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Winston

You Can Pick Your Nose...

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...But you can't pick your family.

It's always during "The Holidays", right? Everyone has one (or more) Drama Queen relatives.
I never liked my one sister. Oh Lord, I have tried. Went out of my way to excuse her selfish, childish, hyperbolic overreacting behavior. For decades, we've all had to deal with her popping-up on the radar like a bunch of Luftwaffe bombers on a run to London. We scramble to intercept. She drops her load of s-bombs, leaving wreckage. It's like our Finest Hour, only there are no heroes. And it never ends.

Well, her husband (my bro-in-law) is in the hospital again. They are both alcoholics, so it's no surprise that he's back with pancreatitis. My psycho sis is playing up the victim card (subtle, yet like most alkies, she's a good manipulator). She asked my adult children to come over and "help" her. They did. She needed no real help. He's just lonely and afraid.

I hate this. I want to have sympathy for her, but she sinks her teeth in every time you offer your hand. My other sisters are more forgiving, but I will not talk to her. Because of her dysfunctional lifestyle, she blames others for their misfortune. After our parents died, she laid some stuff on me. She never attempted to apologize for the accusations. And I can't forgive her.

I love her son like one of my kids. I feel bad for him and my kids, but I have to stay out of her drama. I've walked a fine line not discouraging my kids from contacting her, but simply gently warning them of her past behavior. They are smart, and can see things for themselves. I wish they didn't have to.

We text on occasion, and talk every year or so (even though she lives just two miles down the road). We are light years apart. I have to protect my wife and kids. She's toxic. I can't let her back into our lives without her hurting us again.

Should I even care, just because we share genetic material? I wish her no evil, but I find myself really not caring. The whole thing makes me question myself. Am I a bad guy?
I don't answer yes or no, but simply admit that I don't give a damn. Happy Festivus.

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Updated December 25th, 2019 at 07:25 AM by Winston

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  1. Kevin's Avatar
    Mm... I may have mentioned that a few years ago my wife finally had enough and told my sister she'd rip her effing head off. We haven't seen her since. Jr. gave her (his mom) the fist bump, after. Still brings a tear to my eye.
  2. escorial's Avatar
    most will not accept they live mediocre lives and find conflict with others as a release from themselves....
  3. dither's Avatar
    Winston,
    I have/had two brothers and two sisters, I'm the oldest, often wish that I weren't but there you. My oldest brother died recently, oh dear, I'd forgotten about that already, had to edit in the "had". We didn't get on, no love lost there. My youngest sister moved away many years ago, no love lost there either. The other two, I 'm okay with but I wouldn't care if I never saw them again.

    I refuse to think of myself as bad, or particularly good actually, I'm just me, making my own way as best I can without the hubbub.

    We're not bad Winston, we're just different.
  4. Winston's Avatar
    Update: I ended up visiting her on Christmas Eve.

    She was trying so hard to be nice. I mean' it wasn't fake at all, but it kinda made me sad. I just know that she can't maintain that level of functional civility. At one point, we were talking about my deceased mother, and my psycho sis began seething when the subject of her jewelry (and it's disposition) came up. She reigned it in, but that nastiness is always below the surface. And my family doesn't deserve to have it unleashed on them by her. Ever.

    I'll see her again, just not soon (if I can help it). We tried helping her before, and we may again, but I doubt it. She is who she is.
    I love her. I just don't trust her.
  5. dither's Avatar
    Sometimes you just have to let people be. My problem with relatives is that they won't stop talking, it's as though they can't bear, FEAR almost, silence. I'm not a talker. Once we've done he "hello how are yous" I'm happy to sit quietly and listen to the others but they WILL go on. It's like, where's the off switch?
  6. Winston's Avatar
    ...they won't stop talking, it's as though they can't bear, FEAR almost, silence. I'm not a talker. Once we've done he "hello how are yous" I'm happy to sit quietly and listen to the others but they WILL go on. It's like, where's the off switch?
    I've gleaned from multiple sources that those with above-average intelligence tend to be quieter, and more comfortable with silence. A quiet person's mind is often more full, satisfied, and has no need for constant stimuli.
    Contrast that with an individual displaying Dunning-Kruger symptoms. They MUST share from their shallow pool of knowledge constantly. They have to prove to others (and themselves) how much they "know".
    My sister talks a lot. I nod, and smile.
  7. Neetu's Avatar
    No, we don't get to choose our family. We don't even get to choose how we're raised. It often leads to siblings growing apart, sometimes leaving us with guilt that being blood relatives, we ought to feel the consolation, offer consolation, just be there for our family. There's never a right answer. It's not your fault your sister is the way she is. The best you can do is be there for her in a true crisis, but other than that, just stay away as you are doing.
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