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dither

A week off...

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How strange is the human mind. Well, mine at any rate. I think. And maybe THAT'S the problem... I think. Frowning as I type.
I've been looking forward to today, for some time now, because, I won't be working next week, I'm on a week off, and now that it's here.... err... yeah. Today, Sunday, as with every other Saturday Sunday and Monday was/is a shopping day. It's simply a way of lightening the load, MY load. It works for me. I left home this morning fully intending to take my time, amble along, take time, WASTE some time even, smell those roses. Roses? In MY life? The thought amuses me but my point is, that, and probably because my workaday existence is so frenetic, when I AM able to get of that treadmill I find it almost impossible to stop running.

In those few stolen moments , "stolen"! How can I even THINK that? At my age and on a week off, when I DO actually find myself consciously, and with some effort I might add, SLOWING down, it amazes me how I am able to marvel at such little things. A little mind perhaps. Whatever.

Today, as I said, was shopping day, out at the cheap store on the edge of town. I saw nothing and yet I saw everything. I saw no-one and yet I saw many comings and goings and I interacted, save the android on the checkout in B&M, with no-one.

Y'know? I caught a bit of tv this morning as I was getting ready to go out, just another celebrity chef cooking for a half dozen or so friends all rounding off the programme with them eating chatting and enjoying the moment. Do people REALLY do that. I really cannot conceive of such a thing.

Many years ago, my kid brother and a few friends would organize Saturday night fishing trips at a local gravel-pits. Yes they all fished but I got the feeling that it was so much more than that. We all busted a few cans, consumed a few charred barbecue packs, there was much belching and farting, verbal as well as physical and I enjoyed it. It wasn't my gig, they weren't "my" friends and I liked that. There but not there. A fly on the wall. There were boozy discussions, worlds put to rights, sometimes my opinions would be sought, I'd throw my hat into the ring occasionally, so to speak, anyway. All these things would hang in the air to be revisited through out the night. Yes there were disagreements but it didn't seem to matter. I miss that. And maybe, for some at least, THAT is the point of such events, to appreciate and observe the interactions of others. Happy daze.

And so I have a week off:
Tomorrow, because my weekly bus-pass expires tomorrow night, I must go out of town to get a fresh supply of cbd capsules, and I do intend to give the goat meat a try if I see it in the shop where I saw it for sale once.

I'd love to be able to post something of interest but I'm just an ordinary Joe, that suits me fine, life eh?

I'm off to bust a few cans and read about John Mills.

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Updated July 11th, 2019 at 01:31 PM by dither

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  1. Neetu's Avatar
    You still haven't tried mutton (goat meat)????
  2. dither's Avatar
    No I haven't. I won't deny that I feel a little apprehensive, it's a culture thing I suppose, but....
    Will see how I'm feeling at the weekend.It's a fair bus-ride out of town to where I saw it for in a butcher's shop window but this Saturday, having had a week off work, I might just get myself into gear and go have a look.

    I might just go tomorrow, Friday, if I DO get some the plan is to have it simmering on a slow boil in Cider for a couple of hours.
    Updated July 11th, 2019 at 01:29 PM by dither
  3. Neetu's Avatar
    I didn't realize you had to go so out of your way. Depends on how much you like to sample new foods! Or bother to cook them. I don't know where you live, but if there are any Indian grocery shops in the vicinity, they are likely to carry it too. Though you'd have to be a bit more cautious and choose a shop that has fresh meat, not frozen. A butcher's shop does sound safer to me.
    Either way, slow boiled in cider sounds good. Brushed with olive oil, salt, pepper, and sprinkled with rosemary, baked in the oven is also very good.
    Don't do stressful things on such a short break, though!


    Quote Originally Posted by dither
    No I haven't. I won't deny that I feel a little apprehensive, it's a culture thing I suppose, but....
    Will see how I'm feeling at the weekend.It's a fair bus-ride out of town to where I saw it for in a butcher's shop window but this Saturday, having had a week off work, I might just get myself into gear and go have a look.

    I might just go tomorrow, Friday, if I DO get some the plan is to have it simmering on a slow boil in Cider for a couple of hours.
  4. dither's Avatar
    It's my age Neetu, I'm an old man. I plan to do so much on these weeks off and when they happen it's as much as I can do, WANT to do, to drag my sorry self out of bed. Maybe if/when I finally retire I'll feel like doing a few things. Deep sigh.
  5. Neetu's Avatar
    Isn't age a perception of the mind? If you haven't retired yet, you couldn't be that old! Though I know well the feeling of dragging one's sorry self out of bed.........

    Quote Originally Posted by dither
    It's my age Neetu, I'm an old man. I plan to do so much on these weeks off and when they happen it's as much as I can do, WANT to do, to drag my sorry self out of bed. Maybe if/when I finally retire I'll feel like doing a few things. Deep sigh.
  6. dither's Avatar
    Neetu,
    my aching joints, stiff heavy leaden legs, that's not perception it's really happening. Maybe I should leave the alcohol alone, oh I'm no boozer, REALLY I'm not, but if you could see my bedroom right now. Empty cans littering the place. Down-time, for me, is precisely that. I shut down both mentally and physically.
    I hope that if and when I DO retire I'm able to do something about, shake off, this lethargy. The best part of my down-time is sleep-time. I think that if I could I would live my life in a permanent state of sedation and let it all just drift by.
  7. Neetu's Avatar
    That does sound quite wretched, dither. It's easy for an outsider to say, "do this, do that", but the only effective motivation comes from within us. When that is elusive, the lethargy and sleeping it away are an escape, often the only escape.
    I wish you inner strength to overcome this, or at least, get a grip on yourself, find a reason to get up each morning and find a purpose. Besides work. You need something else that drives you.

    Quote Originally Posted by dither
    Neetu,
    my aching joints, stiff heavy leaden legs, that's not perception it's really happening. Maybe I should leave the alcohol alone, oh I'm no boozer, REALLY I'm not, but if you could see my bedroom right now. Empty cans littering the place. Down-time, for me, is precisely that. I shut down both mentally and physically.
    I hope that if and when I DO retire I'm able to do something about, shake off, this lethargy. The best part of my down-time is sleep-time. I think that if I could I would live my life in a permanent state of sedation and let it all just drift by.
  8. dither's Avatar
    Neetu,

    I really am a hopeless case. People say find an interest, maybe I DO need an interest, but if ever so much as give something a second glance, "oh I can't be bothered, maybe some other time " springs to mind. I would, I'm sure, be happy to sleep my life away. I DO sometimes wonder what is wrong me and no, the very last thing I need is sympathy. I do what must be done, work, pay the bills etc. but beyond that everything seems so pointless. And people, ugh! Don't go there.
  9. dither's Avatar
    Wretched:

    Neetu,

    Simply because of having nothing better to do I've thought about that. And so, I have called a been a pedant more than once, I googled wretched, top of the list of synonyms were "miserable...unhappy". And because of that I almost googled "unhappy".
    My first thought on googling wretched, well, before googling actually, is an old favorite of mine, " It's all relative isn't it". I'm sure that you'll get what I'm saying there but anyway my first thought on having googled meaning of said word was " I'm happily miserable " in a miserly way I suppose but I'm not talking about money here. Another "pedant " might argue that I'm confusing happiness with contentment born out of resignation and now we really are splitting hairs.
    I think I strive for a state of contentment through my acceptance of what is. My life, my place in this world.

    As for "all things being relative. " I see retirement looming, I'm in my mid-sixties, and physically, I could be in better condition, My workaday week attests to that. I have a roof over my head, I eat well, and if I fancy busting a few cans I can.
    I'm not living in a war-zone. I have through all my life managed to avoid serious illness and/or injury. I try not to feel too bad about my lot. Okay, I DO wish things had been different, I've wasted my life because I lacked the courage to live it and I DO feel bitter about that but there it is. But I reached retirement, well okay almost, job done, unscathed and I shall live until I die. I DO worry that I may not have a choice, leaving it to fate, how when and/or where I shall die and I have to accept that and at my age every waking day is a roll of the dice. A fear of the unknown is very real.

    I DO talk some rubbish don't I.:-"
  10. Neetu's Avatar
    dither,

    you are honest about yourself. Not all of us can be that. Being content with discontentment may seem like a negative thing, but is it, really?
    I haven't lived my life as I now wish I had. It's easy to say that in retrospect, but would I have had the drive to do that precise thing had I been able to? Did I become passive to the point that I didn't care which way I went? I don't know those answers, and frankly, looking back is not something I like to do. But I do so, anyway.
    We all have inherent qualities. They make us who we become.


    Quote Originally Posted by dither
    Wretched:

    Neetu,

    Simply because of having nothing better to do I've thought about that. And so, I have called a been a pedant more than once, I googled wretched, top of the list of synonyms were "miserable...unhappy". And because of that I almost googled "unhappy".
    My first thought on googling wretched, well, before googling actually, is an old favorite of mine, " It's all relative isn't it". I'm sure that you'll get what I'm saying there but anyway my first thought on having googled meaning of said word was " I'm happily miserable " in a miserly way I suppose but I'm not talking about money here. Another "pedant " might argue that I'm confusing happiness with contentment born out of resignation and now we really are splitting hairs.
    I think I strive for a state of contentment through my acceptance of what is. My life, my place in this world.

    As for "all things being relative. " I see retirement looming, I'm in my mid-sixties, and physically, I could be in better condition, My workaday week attests to that. I have a roof over my head, I eat well, and if I fancy busting a few cans I can.
    I'm not living in a war-zone. I have through all my life managed to avoid serious illness and/or injury. I try not to feel too bad about my lot. Okay, I DO wish things had been different, I've wasted my life because I lacked the courage to live it and I DO feel bitter about that but there it is. But I reached retirement, well okay almost, job done, unscathed and I shall live until I die. I DO worry that I may not have a choice, leaving it to fate, how when and/or where I shall die and I have to accept that and at my age every waking day is a roll of the dice. A fear of the unknown is very real.

    I DO talk some rubbish don't I.:-"
  11. dither's Avatar
    Neetu,
    oh dear, it seems to be just you and me here. " but would I have been able to? " You may wonder. I shall never know, and that's the killer, because I didn't dare. What if etc. I often think of that line from Adam and the ants track, " ridicule is nothing to be scared of. " Prince charming I most certainly was not. Well, ridicule was my worst nightmare. Afraid of failure doomed to fail. It really is all about self-confidence/expectation and, even now, I have none. As for my honesty it's flotsam, discarded junk, being thrown over-board from this old tub that seems to have drifted the back-waters for ever without ever setting sail, and you know what? If I could live my life again I wouldn't change a thing. Isn't time supposed to be a great healer? It seems as though the older I get the heavier it weighs.

    Life eh?
  12. Neetu's Avatar
    dither, flotsam and jetsam - it's all it is.

    Quote Originally Posted by dither
    Neetu,
    oh dear, it seems to be just you and me here. " but would I have been able to? " You may wonder. I shall never know, and that's the killer, because I didn't dare. What if etc. I often think of that line from Adam and the ants track, " ridicule is nothing to be scared of. " Prince charming I most certainly was not. Well, ridicule was my worst nightmare. Afraid of failure doomed to fail. It really is all about self-confidence/expectation and, even now, I have none. As for my honesty it's flotsam, discarded junk, being thrown over-board from this old tub that seems to have drifted the back-waters for ever without ever setting sail, and you know what? If I could live my life again I wouldn't change a thing. Isn't time supposed to be a great healer? It seems as though the older I get the heavier it weighs.

    Life eh?
  13. dither's Avatar
    Yeah, I know.
    Thanks for the comments Neetu. You're thoughts are always welcome and appreciated.
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