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Plasticweld

Thanksgiving

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I shared this with a close friend yesterday, he thought it was perfectly horrible. Written four years ago, it still makes me smile as well.


Satire, humor


Thanksgiving is a special time of year to gather as friends and family, or so I thought. I am picking up the remains of the turkey off of the floor, it sits in a puddle of gravy and cranberry sauce. I see where the sweet potatoes are slowly dripping down the wall. The house is empty, even my wife is gone. A chair is tipped over, the table covered in a jumble of plates and glasses. The table cloth seems to have sopped up most of the spilt wine. I am glad we did not go with one of those cheap table cloths, the ones with the plastic feel. As I clean up the mess I look back, and for the life of me cannot figure out how it all turned out so bad, I am after all a great husband, father and friend to all.

***
The house is warm and it smells good. The candles flicker on the table and the wood stove gives off a glow of warmth that goes all the way to the center of your bones. The house is full of all of those that I love.

We are sitting in the living room gathered around the stove and I am trying my best to make pleasant conversation with my daughter.

“So Honey, that pie you brought, did you make it or buy it?”

“Dad, I made it early this morning.”

“I hope it’s better than the last one you made, gave me the runs for a couple of days, I don’t want spend the rest of the day stuck in the bathroom.

“Honey where’s ‘what’s his name’?”

“I think he’s in the bathroom Dad.” She gives me a scowl, the one she learned from her mother.

“He does have a name you know.”

"Well has ‘what’s his name’ talked about putting a ring on your finger yet?”

“Dad he’s still looking for a job.”

“Well why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. Old ‘what’s name’ is getting free room and board and free milk?”

My little girl gets up and goes in the kitchen, she must have gotten something in her eye.

My son is sitting on the sofa with my mother, his kids are rolling around and playing, making a racket.

I said to no one particular. “I remember when I was a young father. I disciplined my kids.”

My daughter in-law gets up and takes the kids in the next room, I am relieved, they’re kind of bratty and loud.

“So son, did you get that raise yet?"

“No dad.”

“You know, if you worked a little harder, they might just give you that raise.” He remains silent, then gets up to go help in the kitchen.

My mother sits quietly on the couch, hands clasped staring at her knees.

“So Mom… do you think that clown you voted for, for president could do anymore to screw up this country?”

I am not sure what she said, something about her will and making some changes. We were interrupted by my wife, who called in from the kitchen that dinner is on the table.

We all sit at the big table, everyone is kind of quiet, even those bratty little grand kids. As custom, the head of the family says a prayer to bless the meal; with dad gone the task falls on to me for the first time.

“Dear Lord thank you for all the blessings you have shown this family. Please bless the pie that it might be good. Help ‘what’s his name’ find a job, so that he can man up and marry my daughter. Please give my son the ability to work longer hours so he can make more money and finally be successful. Please be with him and his wife, that they will have the courage and diligence to discipline their kids. Lord we ask that you look upon this country favorably. Please spare us a down fall because of the rotten choices this administration has made and their attempts to destroy this God fearing nation. Lord bless this family…Amen.”

I am not sure exactly what happened next, I do remember my son throwing the bottle of wine at me, must have knocked me senseless.

Yup family and friends and good conversation for Thanksgiving. nothing could be better.

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Updated November 22nd, 2018 at 06:53 PM by Plasticweld

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Comments

  1. tinacrabapple's Avatar
    Made me smile too! Happy Thanksgiving and thanks for sharing a window into Thanksgiving reality.
  2. TuesdayEve's Avatar
    Yeah, I guess some days are like that...
    it’s early...so far so good.
    Wishing everyone well on this day of
    national feasting.
  3. dither's Avatar
    That was/is a great tale PW. One that's played out in so many house-holds [ and not just at Christmas ] I don't doubt.
    And still I fail to see the point of it all.
    I simply won't have arguing in my house and as for redecorating with cooked food... that WOULD.... only ever happen once.
    I'm all for discussion and offering help and advice [and of course ] we all have our children's best interests at heart but they have to live THEIR lives. THEIR way.
    And it's difficult sometimes.
  4. Plasticweld's Avatar
    Dither that was all written in jest, none of it true. This is just satire and a way of poking fun at family get togethers.

    I guess I will have to add the tags, humor and satire
  5. Kevin's Avatar
    My wife once told my sister she was going to rip her head off. That was several Thsnksgivings ago, and she hasn't been back since.

    I still get a laugh. Wifey was upset after, for having lost it , but Jr. said it was long overdo. He gave her the fist bump. You have to know the characters, but I think jr was right. Kids say the darndest things, right?
  6. Gumby's Avatar
    That poor, poor man... he sure has a rotten family, complete jerks.
  7. tinacrabapple's Avatar
    Uh, oh!! Doesn't pay to be too literal.
  8. escorial's Avatar
    Trump gave thanks for his family and the great work he is doing....he is awesome
  9. dither's Avatar
    Oops!
  10. Winston's Avatar
    I'm with dither. It was too much like real life to be automatically assumed to be satire.
    Or at least what life should look like.
  11. Plasticweld's Avatar
    Winston, I guess you and Dither only re affirmed how fortunate I am, because it was so far from the truth my family found it hilarious.
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