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penis envy

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just bout to eat my orange in the sauna an this guy walks in an says...long time know see...the first time i came across this guy he was sitting in the sauna reading a paper and while i sweat like a pig he just sits of we gab a bit an he reads his paper...so he goes into what he's been up to an i think it was catterick or thirsk race meeting he was on about and what happened when they got back into the city...he ended up outside a pub smoking and talking to a women and guy who was a transvestite out of drag..so he ends up back at a flat an a bit of a coversation from the drag queen was...it's not black men with the biggest dicks it's the ginger haired people...we have an expression in liverpool..ginger minge which means there a tight fisted git...minge is another word for a womans fanny an i think it refers to a tight vagina... ginger just rhymes with it i reckon...as he's telling me all this my mind thinks back to my secondary school/ borstal days and the teachers/wardens...a proper shit school were careers were drug dealer or armed robber and the kids did'nt want to be there and neither did the teachers..report cards had stuff like..maths ..taught him all year and i can do better than this..eng..he turned up all the time..i can do better than this..science..was this what i went to university for.

one year out of the 4 i was in a class and before a kick about we all had to change..this one guy who i can remember went buy the name of Boo stood on the bench as he dropped his kex and everywhere went quiete as this lad was hung like a seaside donkey..i can recal looking down at mine an thinking it's like a pencil with the rubber on the end that has been sharpened down as far as it can go...after this i don't know anymore about him but i'm sure if he ever got married and divorced his ex wife never found any one else to compare to his tool...i can imagine going to benidorm and seeing a poster outside one of the clubs..all the way from liverpool ladies a male stripper who goes by the name of the tripod.....i myself soon got over the comparison but years later i think it affected me more than i realized..it's odd the way some recall expressions that make up for their shortcoming..mine was..yeah love... "it's not how big the wand is it's the magic you do with it"..now do you want me to phone you a cab or you can get the bus at the top of the road.

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  1. H.Brown's Avatar
    Your writing always makes me chuckle Esc, but it also makes me think I suppose girls can get a similar feeling to penis envy by comparing breast size.
  2. escorial's Avatar
    from me to you........
  3. dither's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by H.Brown
    Your writing always makes me chuckle Esc, but it also makes me think I suppose girls can get a similar feeling to penis envy by comparing breast size.
    In all my years I've never understood that. I mean what has breast-size got to do with anything ? Having NO breasts, at ALL, doesn't prevent a woman, OR her man, from having, and enjoying sex but for a bloke it IS different. And no I'm not looking to hijack Escorial's blog with a debate on the importance, or not, of penis-size.
  4. Kevin's Avatar
    Guy goes into pharmacy tosses open pack of prophylactics down and says "Hey, these condoms lie! They don't taste like ribs!"
  5. H.Brown's Avatar
    Dither they both boil down to self-confidence and that can be an effective sexual deterrent.
  6. escorial's Avatar
    I'm with the late Ken Dodd an his hit...
    A penis,a penis
    The greatest gift I possess
  7. dither's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by H.Brown
    Dither they both boil down to self-confidence and that can be an effective sexual deterrent.
    So true.
  8. TuesdayEve's Avatar
    I’m envious you have a sauna.
  9. tinacrabapple's Avatar
    I am queen of the itty bitty titty committee and despite all that crap about self-esteem- I still wish I had a bigger rack.
  10. astroannie's Avatar
    As a woman with endowments, I would happily deed them to you, tina. They're what, in legalese is "an attractive nuisance" (which sounds like I'm making a pun but I don't intend it). I kinda like the biblical solution to stares and gropes ... Jesus had the right of it, if you can't keep your eyes off the endowments, pluck the eyeballs out and if you can't keep your hands to yourself ... lop the offending appendages off as well.

    Sorry for the side convo, esc. I like the way you presented this. Body image is a thing. It's like anything else in this world ... our neighbor seems to have a better lot in some way and if it's not one thing, it's another. Speaking only for myself, but as a member of your ... preferred partner gender ... that wand comment is pretty spot-on, as far as it goes. But it's not sufficient. The truth is, it's not even so much about the wand. As a human, typically the largest erogenous zone is the skin and the most sensitive area is the mind/spirit. You don't need a wand to engage those.
  11. TuesdayEve's Avatar
    Off topic...Burt Young, finally figured out who you
    remind me of...a well know American character
    actor...although you have more hair and are more
    handsome of course.
    Was in Rocky 1... yule have to look up younger
    shots of him. This system will not allow me photos.
  12. escorial's Avatar
    TE the sauna is in a health suite I go to after the gym..had a look online at the guy you mentioned an I do believe you have a vicious streak...

    TCA..I've always found mosquito bite tits very sexy...also massive Hooters..

    AA...I shall wave my wand around..it cud be magic
  13. dither's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by escorial
    TE the sauna is in a health suite I go to after the gym..had a look online at the guy you mentioned an I do believe you have a vicious streak...

    TCA..I've always found mosquito bite tits very sexy...also massive Hooters..

    AA...I shall wave my wand around..it cud be magic
    And there's me wishing I could give cryo-therapy a go. Or, at the very least, find a public swimming pool that runs some sort of exercises cum fitness class for the elderly.
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