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The Future Is Not Written

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If there's one thing I've learned in almost 30 years, it's that shit happens whenever/however the fuck it will. Your actions, desires, or thoughts are irrelevant when the circumstances surrounding your situation lay outside of your control; all it takes is one thing (usually another person) to fuck up the flow of shit that you obligate yourself to making happen. Life has a natural way of balancing everything out, but time is the only real killer.

Patience and perseverance have seen me through the greatest threats to my existence and livelihood, but the assurance that things will be okay never reaches me. It's very disheartening to work so fucking hard for something that it kills you, then simply lose it because of some outside influence.

I'unno. My life is improving but at the same time I feel like I'm losing something important. My life makes no sense, nor has it for quite some time. The ultimate end of what I do to survive or improve myself is dependant on how I respond to the hardships I'm already dealing with, and the ones that will inevitably pile up as time progresses.

I'm playing my guitar again and I hope it will help me cope with my insecurities if not alleviate the stress I deal with consistently. I intend to return to music with a much more direct and straightforward focus which I will do everything I can to facilitate and nurture. All I hope is that for once my life can be agreeable, if not satisfying.

Here's hoping.

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Comments

  1. escorial's Avatar
    Life's a bully
  2. tinacrabapple's Avatar
    Cheers to that!
  3. Winston's Avatar
    That trope about life being a "balancing act"? Yeah. It is. And sometime you get sick of the rope under your feet.

    I know we see some things different philosophically. That's okay, and that's what makes healthy communities. I say that because I draw strength from realizing that I am powerless. In the grand scheme of things. Not helpless, and not uncaring. But guided and cared for... if I listen and follow.
    Follow your Higher Power, Spirit Animal, whatever you choose. Just know that you don't always get to call the shots.
    "Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done..."
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