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And now, for something completely different.

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I have access to a computer presently. The keyboard is fucking amazing; at one time I could type 160 - 180 wpm with my eyes closed due to the massive amount of time I spent typing online, playing guitar and piano, and my drive to be the best at everything I do.

I don't really have a particular topic at this point. My phone is out of data, so I won't be coming around much until next month or so. This will likely be my last blog post for quite some time as well, so I'm going to eat this bitch alive real quick.

I'll start by saying that I'm much more invested in this forum than I've been in the three years I've been here. My first year was spent solidifying friendships with certain members and spreading my few thingamawhatsits or whatever have you, be it prose, poetry, or music. I gave a lot of crits to people that aren't here anymore. Selfish bastards.

My second year here, I wasn't around for a lot. SFO and of course, my life, took precedence over creative thinking or music.

I tried to win the Purple Pip (for the third god damn time) and came in third, which made me so fucking angry I quit poetry, anyway; my writing project which I started here quickly died after two chapters; I posted mostly music snippets and shit like that.

Frankly by the time I came back energized and ready to be creative again, I was coming back on the back end of the longest alcoholic bender of my life (which is technically still going strong), and I'm currently in the midst of pulling together all the loose ends that keep weighing me down.

I'm currently very enthusiastic about my bartender. I continually hate myself for not going to that bar ON my birthday; I met her the following Wednesday, five days later. I got her a gift and she gave me her number, and now we're getting to know each other on a very personal level, so I'm currently devoting all of my energy to her and making more money to keep myself at the bar for her entire shift. I walked her home this past Tuesday, and she drove me home Wednesday. I see her again Saturday night at 6.

I'm so fucking ready to take this shit to the next level it's retarded. I got bombed out of my skull last night and had a dream about her; I shit you not when I say her voice was talking to me in my head.

I think it was this past Monday night after I left the bar, I got some General Tso's Chicken and smoked a fat blunt of Presidential. I'unno if it was the MSG in the food, the weed, lack of energy from work, but EVERY TIME I closed my eyes I swear I saw her face looking at me with that smile she always gives me when we talk.

I know she's into me, because I made my intentions clear from the gate; she likes to give me the cold shoulder until I force my way in, but then we start talking and she forgets to take my money, sometimes almost gives me someone else's drink by mistake - she even started telling me something and suddenly said "why the hell am I telling you this?" then continued anyway.

I'm doing everything humanly possible to make this chick love me, god damn it. It's fucking working.

Patience and perseverance are the two number one things in life to keep you from going the fuck insane.

A lot of people can't wait for anything to happen without EXPLODING.

I've done that for personal reasons:

NationStates is a game I started playing December 29th, 2007 (my birthday, lmao). I formed a region and got a bunch of my SFO friends to join.

My nation was The Heavy Metal Dominion of Fukafia, and the region was known as The Furi Damu.

Years pass and I'm the only one still playing this fucking game. I'm active on the forum, I have one of the oldest consecutively updated nations in the entire game (the only thing older than 2007 was referred to as "antiquity"), I have allies (friends), and even a staff member in my pocket (I joined The Black Raiders after Furi Damu fell apart).

NS deleted my account in 2016.

I sent them a 10, 000 word ESSAY on how fucking angry I was and why, and they said "fuck off."

As far as SFO was concerned, as I've said previously, I had been the only person remotely interested in keeping SFO active and the community invested in its future. Even in the face of homelessness; even in the face of destitution; even in the face of the greatest health crisis of my entire life; even in the face of incarceration in jail; I SPENT EVERY BIT OF LOVE I HAD IN MY HEART ON THAT DUMBASS GAME.

I returned to find that I was passed over for Admin AGAIN. From that point forward, I troll'd the boards, incited a riot, and did everything humanly possible to get the five people I wanted to become moderators promoted.

All of them became moderators so I called someone a faggot and got permabanned.

It was epic.

I was told "you were gonna be made an admin August 7th," and I'm like, "you think I DIDN'T fucking know that?"


It's the fucking principal of the god damned thing. From 2009 to 2013 I ran into a LOT of life problems, including homelessness from 2013 to 2014. When I came back, I made it my only mission in life to make up for the time I squandered as a moderator.

ALL of my friends had left. I had no choice but to assert myself and pick up the pieces of the community that was left. It ended up working EVERY time I made a push. EVERY time I did ANYTHING to incite activity, activity increased.

This lasted until 2017, when the creator fixed everything and started the upward spiral to where SFO is now.

I don't even care anymore. I'm glad to be done with that fucking staff. I'm glad to be done with that fucking game.

Frankly, all I want out of life at this point is to get married, play my fucking guitar, drink a beer, smoke a blunt, and fucking die.

How about you?

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  1. tinacrabapple's Avatar
    Too bad, I wonder why they didn't make you a moderator? I'm wondering if you have any insight?
  2. RhythmOvPain's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by tinacrabapple
    Too bad, I wonder why they didn't make you a moderator? I'm wondering if you have any insight?

    I was passed over for promotion to moderator for roughly three years. This was due to my flamitory nature.

    I had friends in the staff as early as 2003, but by 2006 I had solidified myself as an authority figure in the community and by 2009 ALL of the active staff were my friends before they even got promoted.

    The reason why I was passed over for Admin so many times was because of the infrastructure of the staff hierarchy. The principal of the matter was the lack of respect inside the core Dev team.

    I KNEW I would be promoted to Admin.

    There was never any question.

    The issue is the way I got disrespected by a staff I thought of as family.

    Fuck those fucking faggots.
  3. tinacrabapple's Avatar
    Administrator. I guess an explosive administrator isn't an asset to the forum.
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