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H.Brown

A wedding...

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I turned as the orchestra, began to play the traditional march. There she was; walking sedately down the isle of white backed chairs. My heart skipped a beat as I looked at her, she was perfect. Her brown hair was caught at the nape of her neck, with a couple of loose curls framing her elfin face. Brown eyes shone with unshed tears as she gripped her father's arm.With each slow step, she came closer, nearer to becoming my wife, I realised as I watched enraptured in her beauty. Her dress was white and clung to every inch of her body, in the subtle light from the candles parts of it flared to life in sparkling gem stones. Three more steps and she'd be in my arms. I couldn't breath until her cool hand, slipped into mine and we turned as one away from the onlookers to stand face by face, in our own little world.

"I love you." I whispered for her ears alone.

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  1. escorial's Avatar
    reads to me like a guy in touch with his feminine side.......
  2. H.Brown's Avatar
    That does not surprise me to be honest Esc, any thoughts on bow it can be made more macho
  3. escorial's Avatar
    why make it macho.....both sexes talk and act the same these days
  4. Plasticweld's Avatar
    Maybe it is an age thing or a rural thing....but guys and gals do not think alike, at least where I am from.

    Going back 40 years ago I remember watching my 19 year old wife walk down the isle. She was radiant, my thoughts were, however, nothing like what you have written.

    This is forever, there is no backing out now, my hands are sweating, this is a lot of responsibility. This is a huge step, I am glad I am taking it. Where did she get that hat? I hope I don't screw up the responses to the minister. My God, she is beautiful, I am a lucky guy. Her hand is sweaty too.

    Those thoughts in the span of, from the time she got to the front of the church until her dad left her side and sat down.

    For a million dollars I could not describe her dress..The hat yes, the dress..it was white
  5. escorial's Avatar
    so you can read peoples minds
  6. H.Brown's Avatar
    Sorry Esc I agree with Pw, there is a difference sometimes between how women and men think, even if the line is blurry, there are still diifference, however it could be from the point of view of another women. Now there is something to think about.

    And Thanks Plastic for your imput, having never been married and never been a man, I find it interesting to see how you felt and what you thought at this point on your wedding day. It has helpped me alot.
  7. escorial's Avatar
    Did I write they think the same
  8. H.Brown's Avatar
    Sorry Esc no that was me reading it wrong,, however I still believe that men and women for the majority act and talk differently.
  9. escorial's Avatar
    Ok..but my thought was why try to make your work more macho when the male perspective came across to me in a very feminine way...from such a short piece I was intrigued by the juxtaposition of male an femminin approach...
  10. H.Brown's Avatar
    Ah that's interesting, even though I have studied many books that use juxaposition in varying ways I never thought to see it in my own writing...hmmm I will have to see where this can lead.

    Normally I write with a female protagonist but when I wrote this section it was suddenly from a male perspective, this would be around the middle of the story I think.
  11. escorial's Avatar
    Carson mcullers was a master at this style of writing...she wrote I think in a beautiful open and femminin way with everything I could want from many different characters...I knew when I first read her work she was female and I reckon I would have thought this is a female author..why because for me it was so insightful...other authors like Susan sontag just never got there an I think sontag tried to make her work more masculine...
    .
  12. H.Brown's Avatar
    I will work on this keeping it tinged witha feminine tone then and see what comes of it and I will have to check out Carson Mculler's work as well. Thanks Esc.
  13. escorial's Avatar
    Is the female tone running through the work or have you mixed it up from chapter to chapter....I would like to read an example of this if there is any or other parts you may consider a bit to female in tone...
  14. H.Brown's Avatar
    This is all I have wrote so far of this, but I am looking forward to seeing what it can become, I think it will be all from this main man's perspective (see I don't even have a character name yet) and hopefully I can keep portraying the male as overtly female. it is how I tend to write I come up with bits and bobs that I write down when they hit me and then I turn all those bits and pieces together into a whole and then develop it further until I have a full story and then do a major editing process of draft after draft, it just so happened that the only place I had to write this section out was on here.

    The novel that I am currently on my final edit of switches in perspectives between a male and female protagonist though out, and knowing me I probably make him seem overtly female also, I can pm you an extract from that if you like Esc.
  15. escorial's Avatar
    Look forward to reading it...
  16. H.Brown's Avatar
    Have just emailed what I have wrote so far over. Not the whole story so far as that is around about 15,000 words and I'm still re-writing the interconnecting parts that are from the female protagonist. i'm working on the dreams, today as i have copies of them that are separate from the main body of the novel to see if they match up and if not, then making them match up. As by the time I'm finished I will have written four full shorter stories; Rosemary's tale that happens in the present, Henry's tale that happens in the past, Rosalina's tale through her journal and finally Rosalina and Henry's letters. in the end these will all meld together into one whole novel.

    I have a funny writing process hahaha.
  17. escorial's Avatar
    The narrative in the first section was how I thought it should read with a tone of male or female bearing no influence on my perception as to the gender of the piece..it was in the dialogue of Henry with and then thinking about Rosetta that the mood changed.Henry being the dominant force here was not what I expected in that the charachter came across as formal but trying to break free from this and I was left thinking like the narrative to be neither male or female in tone...I liked it without the strong tone I was expecting and I think I should say that my use of the word tone was on a particular with your definition or meaning....I think you covered the narrative and thinking of Henry in a style that was not overtly femminin...I did enjoy that
  18. H.Brown's Avatar
    I'm glad you enjoyed it. Been wondering how Henry's part of story would be received as it has not been read by anyone until now, thank you for taking the time and your comments.
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