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midnightpoet

Depression VI

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Continuing my own series on depression,
I see that some people say they have no regrets because if the things hadn't happened to them they wouldn't be the person they are today; that's fine for them, I even applaud them - but for me I've got plenty of regrets and the thing is, I don't like what I am today. As a matter of fact I despise myself and the circumstances that I am in. Of course, I consider it all my fault and I am worthless.

Well, realizing the problem is one of the first steps to solving the problem - so, how can I like myself? How can I accept my present circumstances and forge ahead?

One step is living day to day, not focusing on the past, but doing my best in the present. Tomorrow may not come at all. Another step is finding things I can do that are successful - hey, I can write poetry that makes people think. Hey, I can write stories that provoke interest. Focus on what you can do or even things you aren't too good at (for me, installing a sink, building shelves).

I think not really liking yourself is the source of many a depression, or at least a contributor. What do you like about yourself? There's usually something, think about it.

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  1. dither's Avatar
    What do I like about myself? Can't think of a damned thing.
  2. escorial's Avatar
    i enjoy your pov in your blog ....all interesting and open....can you write when your depressed...?
  3. midnightpoet's Avatar
    Dither - you can write interesting stories.

    Esc - When I feel an episode coming on, I write, take the dog for a walk, do something physical. One of the reasons I like this site, just making a silly comment on a post helps, even if no one gives me an lol. I can write when I'm depressed, it's usually where some of my darker writings come from.
  4. dither's Avatar
    Midnight, i thank you.

    For so long now i've been in one seriously dark place and all of my senses are down.
    I see and feel nothing.
  5. midnightpoet's Avatar
    Dither, I understand; I've been there. One of the reasons I'm writing the series is hopefully to help others, but I've found it also helps me cope with my own feelings. Cheers, dude.
  6. dither's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by midnightpoet
    Dither, I understand; I've been there. One of the reasons I'm writing the series is hopefully to help others, but I've found it also helps me cope with my own feelings. Cheers, dude.
    Coping is one thing, making any sense of it is another.

    It used to seesaw but i feel as though i've been down for ever.
  7. escorial's Avatar
    midnightpoet nobody can erase the past and the future is yours to do as you will..do you look to the future or will today become part of the past in a sense of coping along the way..?...often one reads people who suffer with depression cannot see or build a future because of the past...
  8. kaminoshiyo's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by escorial
    midnightpoet nobody can erase the past and the future is yours to do as you will..do you look to the future or will today become part of the past in a sense of coping along the way..?...often one reads people who suffer with depression cannot see or build a future because of the past...
    Maybe I'm wrong, but there seems to be a tendency to wallow and roll about in their depression as well. A sort of perverted joy in being depressed. Like the poet in love with his own tragic soul.
  9. dither's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by kaminoshiyo
    Maybe I'm wrong, but there seems to be a tendency to wallow and roll about in their depression as well. A sort of perverted joy in being depressed. Like the poet in love with his own tragic soul.
    Kaminoshiyo,

    i do think about that. IF, supposing i really am, suffering from depression, mood-swings, whatever. And supposing there was some magic pill that i could take, now, that would cure me and render me absolutely normal, well-balanced, well-adjusted, whatever " normal " is. Would i want to? I don't. I'm not comfortable around " normal " people and i 'm not sure if i'd like to be one of them.

    And, because normality if it is ever really achieved, doesn't happen over night i don't know if i could cope with the transition. A whole mindset dating back almost fifty years? That's one helluva re-wiring job, so many loose ends. Reckon i'd rather stay with what i know now.

    To put it simply, do i want help? No, i don't know. Understanding, patience, tolerance? Yes please, i think i'd like some of that and then just leave me the f*** alone.
    Updated August 29th, 2016 at 07:54 AM by dither
  10. Schrody's Avatar
    Midnight, you're not useless! You're a very productive and valuable member on the WF! <3
  11. escorial's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by kaminoshiyo
    Maybe I'm wrong, but there seems to be a tendency to wallow and roll about in their depression as well. A sort of perverted joy in being depressed. Like the poet in love with his own tragic soul.
    yes that is true but the facts and figures are quite shocking..in that after heart disease in the UK...suicide is the biggest killer by depressed people often on medication.It is a very selfish and absorbing condition and complex. I go with the notion that we all have or strengths and weaknesses but to survive depression you have to have an inner strength that you never knew you had..it's a horrible,miserable,soul destroying condition and i think the only one who can eventually help you is yourself...thanks kaminoshiyo.
  12. Phil Istine's Avatar
    It may not be possible or practical to change current circumstances, but it is often possible (perhaps with help) to change how you view those circumstances. There may be one circumstance, but multiple possible perceptions of it. The chosen perception is often the one that was established very early in life, and can be changed, with practice. Unfortunately, depression can skew the view.
  13. dither's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by escorial
    ...suicide is the biggest killer by depressed people often on medication.
    I have a theory about that and please correct me if i'm wrong. I don't know what it's like to be taking anti-depressant medication but it seems to me that meds might serve to exacerbate what is already a confused state. And for others who only go on living because they're scared of dying, might it just give them that little bit of courage/self-confidence/whatever to make that leap?

    I don't know.
  14. midnightpoet's Avatar
    This was supposed to be learning to like yourself when often you don't feel likable. It strayed a little, but I hope I got my point across that learning to like yourself can help with depression. That's one of the reasons I like this site - I realize that I can do things that people like, or at least tolerate.
    That does not make me feel worthless.
  15. dither's Avatar
    Apologies midnight for the sour comments and credit to you for looking for the positives.
  16. escorial's Avatar
    depression brings many causes to the table and finding your way out is unique to you..it's always interesting to read how people who suffered and found a way out or used better coping mechanisims to live day to day....cheers midnightpoet
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