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My Slow Descent to becoming a pretentious movie critic

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I just watched a movie on Netflix that I cannot even begin to understand how it was a thing. I cannot fathom why anyone thought that this particular movie was good. But apparently, against all odds, people came together and agreed that the steaming pile of excrement that was this movie was actually good. But let me rewind for a second.

I was bored and tired and in the mood to just sit back and watch a movie. I had been watching Wes Anderson films for the past few days, but I tend to do that when I want to really pay attention and absorb what's being shown to me. Wes Anderson just makes those kind of films. They demand to be watched fully. Tonight, like I said, I was tired. So Films were out of the question, which is how I found myself on Netflix perusing the new movies that were available. Scrolling down, I stumble across something with Paul Rudd in it (I'm going to avoid using the movie title out of embarrassment). Anyway, I had seen some movies with Paul Rudd earlier and this particular movie supposedly had dark humor in it according to the tags. "Why not," I thought harmlessly. After all my other option, In Bruges, is also a dark comedy and I have already seen it twice. Might as well give this a chance.

Well, that's where the mistakes began. See, as ruggedly handsome as Paul Rudd may be -- and I can say that objectively as a man, he's attractive get over it fellas, you don't have to be gay to acknowledge it -- his acting was super meh. But the acting isn't what got me. If the acting had bothered me, I wouldn't feel the need to post on a writing forum about it. I would go find my acting friends and rant to them about it. No, it was the writing in this movie that boiled my blood until it was steaming out of my flesh. It was just so predictable, so stereotypical, so...boring. I predicted almost every single plot development. I knew when every joke was coming, even the "dark" ones (these, by the way, were denoted by the use of the word 'fuck'. Oops, guess this is a dark blog post now).

Needless to say, I sat through the whole thing. I get the writing, I know it sells. People want to forget that their lives are real for an hour and a half and just watch a bunch of good things happen. I get the acting. Netflix isnít hollywood, they can only really get one big name guy. I get everything but why it had five stars. No matter how much effort I put into it, no matter how much thought I might devote, I cannot fathom why anyone would give this a five star rating. Especially when Moonrise Kingdom, hell, even The Darjeeling Limited, have only four stars. What objective standings are people using? Where can I find this list? How can I destroy it?

I think this goes without saying, but Iíll say it anyway. Be careful what movies you watch on Netflix. Giving everybody the ability to review it does not lead to better reviews that get more deeply at the real reaction to the movie. It just gives you a washed out, useless number that was given to you by a bunch of people who want everything the same. Next time you have time to kill, might I recommend staying off Netflix. Try The Darjeeling Limited.

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Updated July 12th, 2016 at 01:42 AM by Greyson

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  1. Kevin's Avatar
    Paul Rudd. 'Rugged'? Maybe in need of a shave, and/or a shower. Last movie I saw him in he got pounded by some old guy. That was funny. I know it's just a movie. I like him... I mean I don't dislike him. Parts of the movie I liked; others I didn't. Take the setting: San Vicente in Santa Monica. I mean how self-indulgent can you get?

    'Darjeeling Limited' is definitely that: limited. It was kind of... odd. I like odd, but many don't. It was okay. Qwerky?

    Taste is so subjective. Some people like predictable. They actually do. Maybe they find the happy endings satisfying. Perhaps they crave the 'uplift'.

    I'm getting more accepting of things like that.
    I like talking movies. I don't mind disagreement. Thanks for sharing.
  2. Greyson's Avatar
    I was coming up short with a good adjective to describe him, but I just hear that objectively speaking (whatever those standards are or where they came from I don't know) he's 'rugged'. Maybe to be rugged you have to forget what personal hygiene is? Not sure, I'll have to find the check list on what it takes.

    I will admit to being a bit of a Wes Anderson junkie, so I most certainly have a bias towards liking what he puts out. The camera work, framing, and tropes that Anderson implements are some of my favorite things in film making over the short span I've been alive. Which also speaks directly to what you said about taste; it is entirely subjective. I find some things really speak to me, other things don't. It's the same for everyone else in the world, that's why life is such an amazing thing. You never know what people are going to like, everyone's different.

    Cynicism might be what leads me to have a hard time accepting these movies right now. Something about the characters being cookie-cutters and the story always being uplifting and predictable just makes me think of a cash grab. Sort of like Spielberg in my opinion. He's by no means a bad director, but he's not really out much I would classify as a film. Like I said though, I might just be being cynical. Or pretentious. I find I can be both.

    Thank you for the comment, talking movies has become a new hobby for me and I'd love to do more of it anytime. I'm still learning the vernacular and whatever, but that doesn't have to stop someone from having a good conversation.
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