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midnightpoet

Depression ll

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My wife has often told me that I go through life like a leaf on the wind; life, wherever it takes me. It's a defense mechanism, I just let life happen. It has its drawbacks, and depression is one of them.

Things happen to me, rather than going forth and making them happen, then it snowballs into regret and depression. Yet when I try to do things, they often backfire and things get worse. I do have a problem not learning from my mistakes.

So often I feel useless. I never have found life easy, and never thought of myself at really good at life. Things that are easy for many are hard for me. All my life I've struggled with living, and consequently have developed a very poor self-image.

Writing is one of my few joys, and I have found some success at it. Even that, however, I consider myself not quite good enough.

Overcoming depression isn't easy, and I have discovered pills aren't the answer. I have taken them, they only make me anxious, angry, and more depressed.

So I go back to my defense mechanism. I take things one day at a time and do my best to not worry about tomorrow. I suppose if that's being a leaf on the wind I can live with it.

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  1. escorial's Avatar
    i get that.....understanding your own depression gives it an edge....i like your direct pov... has a clarity about it all and i enjoy that..cheers
  2. dither's Avatar
    midnightpoet,
    i can relate to just about all of what you have said there.
    You're not alone.
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