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I've wanted to write tonight, but I can't find the inspiration or ambition to put forth a meaningful effort towards poetry or prose, so I'll settle for a blog post instead. Sometimes, it's just nice to see words run across the screen. There's been a lot holding me back recently, so I'm glad to break through any barrier that I can, even if it's just the movement of a blinking cursor from left to right, one line unto the next. Stream of consciousness, I suppose, although I'm backspacing every few words. The past month or so has been...difficult. There. That's a nice word for it. It's weird how one word can sometimes sum up thirty days of life without further explanation. Difficult. I'd have preferred a different adjective to describe my life, personally, but it is what it is. If everything was always sunshine and rainbows, that would be just as disturbing and not nearly as interesting, but still...

But still.

We trudge onward, I suppose. We carry on, one foot in front of the other, looking both ways, all the usual ins and outs, dotting i's, crossing t's. I just wish there was something more behind it all. I wish there was something more to putting forth the effort and playing the part. I mean, there's plenty there as is. There's a paycheck, a roof overhead, the satisfaction of a job well done. All of those things are there, but I still feel like it lacks a meaning. Or maybe "meaning" is the wrong word. "Purpose"? "Rationale"? Something seems to be lacking. And truth be told, I could probably put a name to it, but that wouldn't solve anything. I know where the pieces are missing, but real life gets in the way sometimes.

Sometimes. Oftentimes.

If you've read this far, I'm sorry that there's not much more to this than what it is. I just like getting things out there sometimes, and I didn't want to waste anybody's time with a pointless post somewhere else. This isn't about solving anything. This isn't about answering a question or reaching out. It is what it is. It's words on a screen. It's digital ink scrawled across an electronic page. It's just my way of getting things out there, off my chest, I suppose. Sometimes, saying something out loud is more than enough on its own. Sometimes, sketching out a few real, meaningless words means more than composing the best piece of fiction imaginable.

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  1. TJ1985's Avatar
    Far from meaningless in my eyes, there's something honest about just sitting down and banging out what's on your mind. At times I'd rather have half a page of real than fifty pages of utopian wonderland that further establishes how dysfunctional I am.
  2. am_hammy's Avatar
    I will always stand by the belief that writing is cathartic.

    It's incredibly satisfying to see words pop out onto a screen or a piece of paper just because. I think people need to do it consistently. When you have a lot of junk going on, a lot that stuff needs to come out first.

    Just because it isn't prose or poetry, doesn't mean it's any less important to journal in this way.

    You keep blogging like this! And it's not pointless either. A lot of people don't realize the importance of doing this.

    Anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts. =)
  3. dither's Avatar
    that's extraordinary.
    I've often find myself thinking along similar lines and not knowing how to express such feelings of restlessness.
    All i can come up with is,,,,, "sometimes life just isn't enough."
    How selfish is that?

    And i totally agree with the other two comments.

    And then, sometimes it really is just too much, but, such feelings a quite normal aren't they?
    I mean, isn't it that which drives us?
    Updated May 6th, 2015 at 04:08 PM by dither
  4. joshybo's Avatar
    Thank you all for taking the time to read this little scribbling of mine. It's nice to know that even such simplistic writings can connect with other readers.

    TJ - Quality not quantity, I suppose you'd say and I wholeheartedly agree. I'm just glad to get some stuff off my chest every now and then.

    ammy - I've always done things like this, although usually it's on paper. However, I agree that writing is one of the most cathartic things a person an do to let go of the stuff that would get stuck inside otherwise. Even if it's utter nonsense, the physical act of writing is just relieving somehow.

    dither - Thank you for the kind words, dither. You're right about that question sounding selfish, but I imagine it's a feeling we all deal with at one time or another. I think the reason why (at least in my case) is that as we get older and gain more experience, we find out life isn't necessarily as big and wondrous a thing as we thought. That sounds kind of depressing, but it's akin to learning to recognize the various tropes that occur in television and literature. After a while, they tend to become predictable or even boring, but instead of that keeping us from watching and reading, it just makes the little moments that take us by surprise all the more interesting and memorable. Even the bad moments, in some cases. I don't know. It seems like I'm all over the place right now, haha.
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