Toxic Bitches and Bullying - Blogs - Writing Forums

Read our latest author interview on Flashes >>HERE<< .

View RSS Feed

A Creative Spirit in Portugal

Toxic Bitches and Bullying

Rate this Entry
I needed a place to have a rant and seek the opinions of others in case my field of vision is too narrow.

Deep breath...

I can't abide bullying in any shape or form. From the husband who physically and mentally abuses his wife to the office bully who is more subtle - I was a victim of office bullying. Cyber bullies and trolls are another peeve.


Then there are the so called friends/acquaintances who turn out to be bullies (toxic bitches) If you've ever been the victim of female bullying toxic bitches, although not a pleasant name, it's an apt one for toxic people.

I'm stuck in the middle of a delicate situation at the moment.

On one side there are two toxic bitches who are being particularly mean-spirited towards a friend of mine. Why? Because she came to my party and I did not invite said TBs. (yes they are that sad) As I was dancing with friend A that evening, she confided in me that TB's said if she came to my party they would never talk to her again.

True to their promise they have since ganged up and had her removed from the committee of a local dog charity which was her life, tried to turn a long term friend against her and a host of other things. How sad is that? What's worse is we live in a small community and she won't go anywhere they are likely to be. She is depressed and drinking heavily but won't let me try and resolve the problem or even act as mediator. All I can do is hug her and listen.


They've tried to turn long term friends against me and put them in a situation which forces them to choose. This afternoon I am going to a surprise birthday party at friend B's where the TB's will be in attendance. I want to eat them alive, go for the jugular, tear out their gizzards, dunk them head first in the sherry trifle, but instead, for the sake of the hostess who is already shitting bricks there will be one holy cat fight, I'll say good afternoon and smile sweetly while choking on the acid vomit from within.

At the moment I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place between two friends. If I go I'm not showing support for one friend (Friend A) and if I don't go I'm not supporting the other (Friend B) and the toxic bitches add another scalp to their belt.

As I write this, the whole situation sounds so bizarre I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I'd previously told friend A I was not going to the party and friend B we were going to some fictional lunch so could not attend. But Friend B then informs me it's a surprise Birthday party for 'The Lads' who I love to bits. Dick is the only guy I can have girlie conversations regarding the pros and cons of black satin sheets. (I was joking but he wasn't LOL ) so now I have inadvertently lied to friend A who is already thinks the world is against her.

My stock response to bullies is 'really?' or 'whatever' while raising my shoulders in the Portuguese shrug then moving on. Most of the time I allow the tide of life to wash over 'me', and 'them' to get over 'themselves'. This is different as I'm damned which ever path I take. *sigh*

Thoughts, please...

Submit "Toxic Bitches and Bullying" to Digg Submit "Toxic Bitches and Bullying" to del.icio.us Submit "Toxic Bitches and Bullying" to StumbleUpon Submit "Toxic Bitches and Bullying" to Google

Updated April 26th, 2015 at 09:14 PM by PiP

Categories
Uncategorized

Comments

  1. Gargh's Avatar
    I'm always incredulous at this stuff, don't see it till it's happened. I can never quite believe that people will go to such great lengths to create misery, but they do. Bad luck.

    My reaction used to always be anger, all guns blazing at the bully, but it never works. It just fuels the fire and keeps it burning and plays into any prejudices people may have about women and 'irrationality'. But you can't say nothing or you'll pop, right? So don't hold back, but make sure you keep your temper at all times, and maybe not drink much. If the TBs say something unkind, say 'That's not very kind,' but don't get angry. If your friend looks upset ask, 'Are you okay?' and listen. Basically, I'm saying treat them like they're toddlers who still need to learn how to behave properly in social situations, because well, they do. If you can detach yourself from that 'should' of 'they should know better', then hopefully it will become easier to deal with them. Not easy, mind you, but easier.
  2. PiP's Avatar
    Thanks, Gargh. I do feel I'm about to 'pop' as this has been building up for the over three months. This afternoon almost feels as if it will be pistols at dawn in the UK or in the USA, is it a gunfight at high noon? Women can be irrational but at the same time we can take a more measured and deadly approach

    They are toddlers and I don't want to demean myself by stooping to their level. I don't get involved in the 'El Dorada' side of expat life for this very reason. People think I'm odd because I have 'my writing' and I'm a loner. LOL. I don't think the TBs will say anything unkind to me because I don't tolerate bitching behind someone's back. Arrrgh... I've cut someone down to size on that before. If only they would ahve a go at me...

    And you're right about the alcohol aspect.

    Hugs, gargh
  3. mrmustard615's Avatar
    Maybe I'm being naive here, but if these two women are effecting more than just you, and it sounds like they are, wouldn't it be easier to simply ostracize them rather than living in fear they'd have you ostracized?

    I was always taught you'll neutralize a bully if you simply ignore him.

    Or you can do what a man might do (with other men), and kick the living crap out of them
    Updated April 26th, 2015 at 12:48 PM by mrmustard615
  4. Gargh's Avatar
    Hugs back PiP: you can do this... and hopefully still have a good time! I know how many times I've let the TBs win and isolated myself because I've thought fight or flight were the only options. Now, whilst I'm far from learning how to translate hate into love, I have had more success translating it into compassion which helps neutralise any rage or pain that's in me, allowing a kinder self to deal with those TBs and simply reject their truth.
  5. TKent's Avatar
    Hey PiP, sorry I don't know what to say except to take the high road every chance you get. Not to say to ignore the behavior but definitely don't stoop to it. I am a bit emotional and my husband is cool as a cucumber. The thing that drives me CRAZY when we have our occasional spat is that he keeps his cool. To me that is the worse thing he can do to me I think that it probably applies for most bad behavior. The people behaving badly are somewhat validated if you do it, too. And they go nuts if you hold yourself to a higher standard.

    That said, why didn't A get invited? To me, that is the best answer is that the two of you go to the party with you there to support her and enjoy yourselves and both take the high road. But I'm assuming that is not an option? If the host is one of the toxic bitches and didn't invite A, then I have to say I might not go at all unless it was something I was required to go to.

    This advice will cost you a quarter, but keep it. You'll need it to get more advice when you find out mine is probably wrong!!
    Updated April 26th, 2015 at 01:48 PM by TKent
  6. Kevin's Avatar
    "Frankly. I'm disappointed in you two. I am not going to join in in your......-bashing. I like ...... and I don't have an issue with her. I'm reminded of the petty disputes back in middle-school. That's what I said: P-E-T-T-Y. Nobody is perfect but you two by ganging up push it to another level. Why are you doing this? You're supposedly grown women acting like a couple of teenagers, so why? I think you should ask yourselves this. I'm not going to fight with you, but if I see or hear you talking bad about her or picking on her I'm not going to stand by without defending her. If you have an issue we should all sit down over a cup of ... and discuss it. Lets lay things on the table and maybe we can get them resolved. That's what adults do. Consider it an offer. I'm offering."---scene from the Salon Wars, wifey's place of work, circa 2014.
  7. TJ1985's Avatar
    Just tell 'em the truth PiP... "I'd slap you, but I don't want to get whiny bitch all over my hand. Plus, having it disinfested and disinfected is far more work than you'll ever be worth."

    Seriously, when things like this happen, I often look to the future. Those who mistreat you may so badly need your help in the future. At that time, you can gently remind them of what they've done in the past, and how the psychological trauma makes it too painful to teach/do for/help them. In short, you don't have to climb down their throats today to eventually get the last word. Have the demeanor of a lady, but the memory of an elephant. People like those, they have big mouths and short memories. That's what makes reminding them so much more perfect.

    If they never need your help, take comfort in knowing that their efforts and goals are too minor to dirty your hands with.
  8. Smith's Avatar
    Wow... sounds like stuff that goes on in my high-school. Guess some people really don't ever grow up.

    Anyway, I agree with a lot of the advice already given. Best of luck.
  9. escorial's Avatar
    if you don't fight them..they will achieve their goal...go for the throat and enjoy the victory..if they win..well you tried.
  10. PiP's Avatar
    Thanks everyone. The hostess (friend B) filled me with so much wine and chocolate Birthday cake I feel pickled and don't remember much. There were no blood stains on the carpet when I left so I can only assume I did not actually kill anyone with look, deed or my pointy stick.

    TB 1 went to great lengths to be nice to me while TB 2 observed me like some alien species from the planet zog. A strategic seating plan by the hostess saved the day until I was so pickled the world and his wife was my new best friend.

    On returning home my inbox is full of emails from friend A and I'm too knackered to reply. She doesn't want to mend bridges.

    You are right, smit: sounds like stuff that goes on in my high-school. Guess some people really don't ever grow up.

    Quite frankly I can't be bothered with it all and the only reason I am is that I can't abide bullies. I've learned how to deal with them and as TBs can't/dare not bully me they are picking on someone weaker. I feel uncomfortable with the situation and as much as I'd like to sit everyone down for a chat it's not going to happen.

    This is part of the response I received from A when I suggested trying to break the ice, talk things through so we can all move on.

    She will say this to me but not the toxic bitches.

    "Break ice with TBxxThinking Ice Pick
    I have nothing in common with her
    She is pig thick sponger who thinks being married is a job ie lie on back and get paid for it and do a bit of cleaning
    Brain dead moron"

    The email goes on.

    I think that was a 'no'.

    Thank God for my photography, writing, my novel and poetry, WF and all my virtual friends. And, for the most part my own company.

    Onwards...
  11. Kevin's Avatar
    Y' too nice... got uh bluddyem up... ok, nevuh mind. No violence. Y'di'alright, PIP, yor alright, too.
  12. Firemajic's Avatar
    Fabulous PiP.... You did good! You handled this juvenile situation with grace and style... Sighhh.. not easy , but you are one class act...
This website uses cookies
We use cookies to store session information to facilitate remembering your login information, to allow you to save website preferences, to personalise content and ads, to provide social media features and to analyse our traffic. We also share information about your use of our site with our social media, advertising and analytics partners.