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My pick of the forumosphere.

  1. An old joke rewritten

    Quote Originally Posted by The Backward OX View Post
    Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden...

    “Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I is sure of eet.”

    “Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee.”

    So with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture… fried
  2. Dinner?

    Quote Originally Posted by KangTheMad View Post
    I decided to make myself the most disgusting sandwich I could make at home without resorting to fast food.

    The Beginning: I decided to take stock of what food we have. Not much, hot dog buns, salami, bacon, cottage cheese and Salt 'n Vinegar potato chips. Screw it, its all going in.

    The End: I cobble everything together and put a toothpick in the center. Why? Because I wanted to.

    The Eating: I stared for several long seconds at this culinary miscarriage.
  3. Only Friends

    Quote Originally Posted by Olly Buckle View Post
    My mother was a great correspondent who wrote half a dozen letters most days of her life to people all over the world. Back in the early sixties, before the Lebanon was destroyed by war, she was in touch with a master at a boarding school there run by Quakers (The religious society of friends).

    One night he was on duty and heard a rumpus going on in the dormitory, when he went in he found a boy sitting on his pillow at the top of his bed terrified by a large spider crawling up
  4. how to lose friends and alienate people

    Quote Originally Posted by Galivanting View Post
    make a movie
  5. The Old Green Bitch ( a tribute to the old W.F.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Gumby View Post
    Though she is the servant
    and we are her master,
    cracking your whip
    doesn't make her move faster.

    She's a crabby old Monarch
    doling out favors,
    the more that you beg
    the longer she wavers.

    I've only known her
    just shy of a year
    but, I've grown rather fond
    of the fussy old dear.

    At times she's attentive
    to all that we ask,
    quickly and smoothly
    performing each task.
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