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Crowley K. Jarvis

  1. I didn't vote.

    Something most people find shocking for whatever reason. They react as if I just admitted to being a Nazi. Since everyone's talking about it, why not? Here's my short ass stand on it. I agree with many others that a two party system is bullshit. Why must it always come down to two?When was the last time there was a third party president? Oh no, god forbid that ever happen!

    Normally, that doesn't seem to be a problem. However, the two main candidates this year are equally disgusting ...
  2. Hello again.

    I wanted to write something witty or original and lost the determination to do so.

    The last year has felt longer than my entire life before it and yet has passed more quickly. It's not even the year that matters. Seven more months to be 21 in this god forsaken country.

    My writing has all but stopped due to lack of a keyboard. I won't write by hand, it hurts too much. Yeah yeah, save the comments. Pain is pain. I'm not sitting there writing until my hand cramps itself ...
  3. I think I'm done.

    Everything in the last two years has exploded in my face, save a few high points.

    I no longer have the means to stay positive.

    I'm sorry I never finished school early and skipped grades and went to a university. Sorry that I haven't memorized a bunch of trivial knowledge from books. Sorry I don't masochistically work at whatever I do just to put myself above others. Sorry that the only thing my life involves is work and conversations, which even I manage to fuck ...
  4. Rocking.

    Hoo boy. Introspection! Hurrah. Human beings do too much of this crap. Way too much.

    Hmm. I'm tired again. I don't mean physically tired. Mentally. Er... metaphorically? Tired of doing the same things. Tired of seeing the same people.This is the price of a calm life. I had trouble. It's gone now.

    Now I'm just... tired.

    Me and my old soul. I'm world weary and I haven't even seen the world.

    I almost don't want to.

    How badly I wish I ...
  5. Brain tracks train tracks.

    Ahh the joys of the human experience.

    As strange as the concept of consciousness is, I would like to think that, in some ways, it can be tied to our thought patterns.

    If we spend years in a certain state of mind, pondering similar things, doing the same activities, forming habits... those mental pathways become stronger. Harder to overwrite. The connections between them and others also grow stronger. Easier to remember, to access.

    Whereas, of course, the stuff ...
  6. Power.

    If you had power, what would you use it for? Could you really say you would help others with it? I think I am a good person, but only in the context of my physical and mental limits.

    If I were impossibly strong, or could blow things up with my mind, I can't really say I would do anything beneficial to the rest of humanity. In fact, I would do the exact opposite. I might still live a normal life, until someone pisses me off. Boom, squish, zap. Goodbye. Then I go somewhere else. ...
  7. Calm.

    Hm, let's see, let's see....

    Sometimes I feel like I'm the only calm person in the world.

    Maybe it's because almost everyone I meet lives in such a constant state of worry. They act as if life is a constant migraine that they must suffer through. Good days come and they might seem alright, but with every single disconcerting event that happens to them, they go right back to questioning their very reason to exist.

    If you wake up and see that it's storming, ...
  8. Another dream in the night.

    "Hey, Jadon!" Called a woman's voice on my left.

    I had been sound asleep. Was it a dream? Scared me out of my wits. I looked at the clock. Almost four AM.

    Why did it sound so familiar?

    It was, as if, in the brief moment I was still asleep, I knew who it was that called me. But the very thing I knew was forgotten as soon as my eyes opened.

    I remember a form, but no face. As if I was visualizing the voices owner, despite facing the ...
  9. Eyes on the horizon.

    I've been smokeless, dry, and without... many other things, for days now. And no, not any illegal substances!

    Yesterday was the angriest I've ever been since I've been on medication. In the end, it will be better for me. But I didn't expect such a strong withdrawal.

    But nah, I'm not complaining.

    I have always considered myself fortunate, being able to separate myself from momentary emotion and see a bigger picture than most people my age. Every time I feel ...
  10. Will I ever shut up? Num. 3

    'I will die alone.'

    A morbid thought.

    A few humans will have this thought at some point or another.

    Those of us who have many people in our lives need not worry about dying alone. You might die in a hospital surrounded by people who care about you.Even if you die in some freak accident, people will miss you and ask themselves why such-and-such allowed this to happen.

    Mostly, people who convince themselves that they will not be missed are wrong. ...
  11. Reminders.

    Ever had problems with your Gall Bladder? If it stops functioning, or that poison crap it has leaks, you're in trouble.

    I think, metaphorically, everyone has those things. Filtered out and repressed, but invisibly present. It does nothing but hurt you, and yet we'll go so far as to draw it out on purpose.

    Pure venom. Poison. Bitter and vile.

    I hate people that are happy. Did you know that? I can't say 'I'm happy for you' because that would be lying. I'm ...
  12. Faith.

    Don't expect anything emotional here.

    I enjoy how people assume that faith is blind. Illogical.

    For the most part I have avoided directly stating what I believe here, but I see no harm in sharing it. I thought I'd do so in blog form.

    Please do not assume I'm trying to convince anyone of anything. I'm only stating my own reasons for believing what I do, and if you're interested in seeing my viewpoint, then by all means keep reading.

    I will say ...
  13. Young people this time. {Long}

    How many days has it been since I've had a real conversation? With someone outside of work that is. Sure, you can talk to someone while you both work, but eh. It's different. Online is different. I live with people who only speak to me out of necessity. I don't blame them.

    I need to stop staying up late. Too much time to think without doing anything. What do I even think about, anymore? I distract myself when I'm at work, fantasies of what I'll do... but don't carry out anything I ...
  14. Learning.

    So I'm figuring out how to use this wacom tablet. I'm also listening to writing-based lectures. And I'm wondering what second language I want to learn.

    I forgot how annoying learning was.

    I have distant memories from my early, EARLY childhood. Just a few.Learning was fun. Learning to speak properly and express yourself, then learning bigger words.

    Math was fascinating... at first.

    Just learning everything about the world.

    Now? It's ...
  15. So, uh, science.

    There's a reason I don't have face-to-face conversations about it with people.

    Something based almost entirely on theory, and yet obsessed over the smallest bit of physical evidence.

    What gets me is that many speak of the big bang as it if it were fact.

    If the observable universe is so big, isn't there good reason to assume it is also much, much larger than the piece of it that we can observe?

    My point being, if the part which we can observe ...
  16. Fiction Theory. {Long}

    I have a general theory on how a powerful being can be created. So, uh, here it is.

    According to fiction, as I have gathered, aside from specific forms of energy, most humans or humanoid creatures have base energy types that the body generates and maintains in a small field.

    Physical, mental, spiritual, and magical. I will refer to mental powers and mental energy as psionic. A fictional term, but no other term has been assigned to this energy aside from 'mental energy' ...
  17. More feelings and fantasized murdling.<3

    For certain kinds of people... there is no form of motivation more effective than competition.

    A challenge. An opponent.

    Someone who, in some way, has either implied, shown, or given you reason to feel that they are better than you at something, or succeeding in some way or another that you have not.

    It doesn't matter how little the difference is.

    "I'm a inch taller."

    To some people that doesn't matter. Others, however, ...
  18. Quiet.

    I have been told that keeping a journal (Well diary, but I prefer the more masculine word journal...) can help you get in the habit of writing your thoughts and improve your descriptions.

    It feels less important if you type it... but... if I use a physical journal... I have way too much to write...

    I say that I'm creative, but that's a half-truth.The other, honest half... is that it's a form of escape.

    The human experience is, at times, overwhelming. I do ...
  19. Recurring dreams.

    The first. A dream I have had five times.

    A girl. Any girl. Someone I know. Someone close. A large colonial-style white house with pillars and a garage sits on top of a hill in grassy plains surrounded by a forest.I'm meeting her wealthy parents, who have a bunch of vehicles, electronics, etc.

    I play and laugh and dance and ride... then I wake up.

    The second, three times.

    A large L shaped building houses an aquarium. There's an entire underwater ...
  20. Darkness.

    I realized a while ago that I'm mortally terrified of going blind. My hearing is fine. Selective, because I tune things out, but I can hear when I focus. My vision has always been 20/20. I can see every color perfectly.

    Darkness has always scared me. Not darkness itself, but, what could be within it. I'm content when my eyes adjust. Once they do, even the soft green light of my alarm clock seems bright. If I needed to, I could still see. React.

    If I went blind, I have ...

    Updated December 8th, 2015 at 05:47 AM by Crowley K. Jarvis

  21. Plans and thoughts.

    I got two days off. Hooray.

    So, I'm too tired of thinking, I'm making plans. We all make plans of course, but this time, I'm done procrastinating.

    I need to draw more. I want to improve. Only need art mediums for that. Then I'll save up and get a tablet.

    Going to start jogging at least. But I need a pair of running shoes, since I don't have any. My boots are good for walking, but would slaughter my feet jogging.

    Working out the upper body too. ...
  22. The small things.

    "The person faithful in what is least is faithful also in much, and the person unrighteous in what is least is unrighteous also in much."

    That's Luke 16:10 of course.

    I felt as if this also applies to relationships.

    I also feel that I'm the exact opposite.

    I'll do a thousand things, no matter how tedious, tiring, or small. No matter how unnecessary or trivial a given task may seem, I am willing to do it, for others.

    But ...
  23. ...What year is it!?

    My slight absence from WF thus far has been mainly due to my work/sleep schedule. I thought, surely, they must be bored by now. ;D Feel free to pop my balloon head. It's not helium, just hot air holding me up. Work has been great. Four hour shifts, easy work, occasional tips, all at above minimum wage. Being a daytime worker means I'm only there while the sun is up. 8-12, 12-4, or 1-5... hours like that.

    Everyone else there is either twice my age or close to mine.

    Once ...
  24. Imagery. And madness. The usual.

    A swordsman with no master, no apprentice. No purpose.

    A blade, forged with radioactive fire, stoked with napalm. A blade with no sheath, and no hand to grip it. There is no resting place for it. What place is meant to hold a blade?

    A gray stray cat follows the crows, who follow the cat wherever it goes, whenever they find food they share. But about each other, they couldn't care.

    The cat is a girl, the crows are a man, two halves of a whole, a loaf of bread ...
  25. Foggy days.

    Much like the recent weather, there's a mist clinging to my mind.

    I'm taking something for the never-ceasing throb still coming from my foot. To counter the sleepiness I also have ingested quite a bit of caffeine. My thoughts are there-they never stop. But it feels like there's a fog keeping them from coming to the front.

    I welcome it's presence, even if it's from all the ingested substances.

    It's a curse, mostly. The benefits are, I never get 'stumped' ...
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