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  1. #18- thoughts outloud


    I'm better now. The video history 'E' showed me caused a crisis of conscience, but I'm over it. I've made a recommitment.

    I'm sure 'E' was testing me. I almost failed. I felt bad for all those individuals that were killed during that time but I don't anymore. Feeling bad isn't necessary and in fact it is counterproductive. We must stay focused on the long term goal. The Kronstadt Rebellion was a counterrevolutionary action. The local Red Army members, thought ...

    Updated October 23rd, 2019 at 11:49 PM by Kevin

  2. #17 - thoughts outloud


    It's been two weeks and I am still thinking about the accident I saw, about the guy that flew in his wheel chair. Its not that I care about what happened to him, I mean I do, but not really- he's a complete stranger who I know nothing about, but I'm thinking about the accident, about what I saw, or more like how I saw.
    It's hard to explain. I'll try...

    It was weird because I had seen him just a second before the hit, and then when I looked back I couldn't ...
  3. #16- thoughts outloud


    I saw a guy in a wheel chair get run over. He didn't actually get run over, but he got hit. It was a busy intersection and I was stopped, and I noticed him because he kept going into the crosswalk and staying there after the light changed, into the street, then back out on the corner. He might've been drunk or high, or crazy.

    I looked away and then when I looked back I saw something large spinning in the air like four or five feet off the ground while ...

    Updated October 10th, 2019 at 01:55 AM by Kevin

  4. #15 thoughts outloud


    The police called me. I didn't know how they got my number. They said they needed to get a statement from me. I was in such a panic I didn't ask what for. All I could do was say 'fuck- fuck-fuck...' I assumed that I was going down.

    They asked to come over and I said no, I'd go there.

    Imagine, like walking into gestapo headquarters on my own?! They can't kill you, I told myself. Yah, but they could lock my ass up for... Fuck-fuck-fuck. Anyway, I did it, ...
  5. #14 thoughts outloud



    We had some new members- some new people that showed up. They definitely brought some energy.

    'E' thought they were brilliant.

    They spoke about the country's long standing policies, and again how 'outcome' is the ultimate proof of a thing.

    Outcome is everything. It proves the premise, which is no longer a premise, but is the truth.

    Changing an outcome is what matters. How many tries or mistakes ...

    Updated September 23rd, 2019 at 05:16 AM by Kevin

  6. #13


    #13 - (a Friday) thoughts outloud

    It was a blizzard day. I got up early and made several deliveries, then worked a 6. I don't feel sick or anything, but I feel like this day ran me, not that I ran my day.

    The only thing I look forward to is the meetings, and the time I feel inspired to think on things related to what's coming.

    I had a customer blow up on me, complaining about the quantity, like I was ripping him off, ...

    Updated September 14th, 2019 at 02:51 PM by Kevin

  7. #12 thoughts outloud



    I had a vision. Not like an actual vision, like I 'saw it' or something, but more like I understood a 'bigger picture', the bigger picture.

    We keep talking about the fairness and the justice were working towards; the equality- but I think I saw the equity ( I'll have to go over this- edit, thesaurus, define), or lack of equity as it is, right now.

    What I mean is that I saw the actual level of people, mankind, all of them, ...

    Updated October 27th, 2019 at 10:28 PM by Kevin

  8. #11 thoughts outloud



    I got in a fight. Actually, I got beat up. It was three on one.

    I was on the phone with a friend. Some guys overheard what I was talking about. They flat out asked what I was up to.

    I was putting out a some papers at this coffee shop. We'd had them printed.
    "This is you?" one guy said. I forgot I'd been there before like a week before.

    Anarchists, they claimed...they started calling me names: "Totalitarian". ...

    Updated September 13th, 2019 at 01:54 PM by Kevin

  9. #10- thoughts outloud


    I don't know but I think she's some kind of attorney.
    I mean "E" of course.

    She's very secretive, and she basically told me I ask too many questions. I guess the less I know the better just in case I get arrested or something.

    Speaking of which, I'm going to have to move again. The neighbor's are getting suspicious- as they do- wondering about all the traffic.

    Sometimes I think about how I could do it differently- ...

    Updated September 13th, 2019 at 02:17 PM by Kevin

  10. #9



    Another meeting.

    I swear, they must try to find the dumpiest, dirtiest places. The rent must be cheap ( if they're paying rent). I can't say where it was, but let's just say that I wouldn't want to be there after a certain hour. The time of the meeting was bad enough. We do these things at night because some people have day jobs- 'covers' they call them- and the rest went along, though She -'E' had argued about it one time.

    I'm not saying ...

    Updated September 13th, 2019 at 02:20 PM by Kevin

  11. Thoughts outloud 8



    Officers, the higher ups,
    police, army, fire departments. Captains and above, eventually lieutenants.
    And anyone that is a professional with a degree. The possible exposure to the study of incorrect ideas in their past is greater. Dangerous thinking.
    Anyone scholastically inclined. Teachers, doctors...
    Obviously, writers, novelists, artists of all types. Self-expression, or any other selfish pursuits are a sure sign of discordant ...
  12. Thoughts outloud 7



    I was looking up the word cult/occult. It means hidden or secret; like our meetings. I had thought it was about religion, but it doesn't have to be that. Anything secret. Things that are not public, for now.

    I haven't told anyone, but I've already started. That's what's needed, so I'm doing it. When it's time, I'll show them.


    One of the important jobs will be the making of lists.
  13. thoughts outloud 6


    There's entirely too much talking.
    These others? Talking to the masses is ridiculous. First, they say they agree with us, but then they're not sure. They say things like 'that's too much; too harsh' or 'shouldn't we discuss it?' One even said there should be a vote.

    No! There are some things that don't need to be discussed, they just need action!

    Those silly S.D.s will never achieve anything. They can be voted out! What good is that? That's ...

    Updated July 25th, 2019 at 05:56 PM by Kevin

  14. Thoughts outloud 5

    (I've decide from now on to number these. The first one was about my favorite movie. The rest I'm calling my thoughts outloud. It's probably confusing, I know. For me, too. Oh well...)

    We had another meeting, and She was there at that meeting again. I'm not going to say where the meeting was because we're not supposed to, and there should be no written record.

    This is the second time I've seen her.

    I don't know who she thinks she is, talking over ...

    Updated July 24th, 2019 at 03:26 PM by Kevin

  15. thoughts outloud


    People have this misconception about freedom. It doesn't mean doing or saying anything you want. That's just wrong. You can't go around raping and killing at random, just like you can't yell 'Fire!' in a movie theatre.

    That would just be chaos, like we have now.

    True freedom has to do with equality. Like the French: liberte, egalite. Freedom means everyone gets to be free from the tyranny and oppression, forever. Not some silly, selfish notions of each ...

    Updated July 28th, 2019 at 04:13 PM by Kevin

  16. Thoughts outloud


    Breaking things, breaking eggs.

    There are those who want it all to be nice and easy, the transition period, but it won't be. There will be those who don't make it. Or those who were the ones that actually made things how they were, and they should go. They really must go.

    We know what has to be done. It comes right after. First you break the sytems, then you break the people. You have to in order to rebuild. Everything has to go, otherwise ...

    Updated July 24th, 2019 at 03:27 PM by Kevin

  17. ...just thinking out loud.

    I'm sitting here feeling wrong, again. I often do this.

    My friend tells me all the time that I shouldn't think about it- that in time all the wrongs that really matter will get fixed, and that any new problems - and there always will be new ones- will get fixed as they arise.

    For now, I might as well enjoy it- all the things that I 'have' - the things that are there, here, temporarily, that I get to use- like my imported coffee- right now- that I pay less ...
  18. watching my favorite movie

    I was watching my favorite movie Doctor Zhivago- which is about a man's struggles with giving up the last vestiges of his bourgeois life- truly inspiring and should be shown to all children- when someone knocked on the door.

    I thought about grabbing my glock, but decided not to as one time it was the Sherrifs knocking, and I didn't think it wise anymore, to answer armed. You see it was night, and I couldn't see them out the window.

    If they ask me I will ...
  19. a little tour of work


    What's all this stuff?



    They're Italian.


    I don't know, because they're Italian.


    So's the faucets.


    Italian, and expensive.

    Oh... Why?

    Gotta fit the house. It's expected.

    What's wrong with American?

    They can't do the finishes.

    Why not?

    I don't ...

    Updated May 29th, 2019 at 02:18 PM by Kevin

  20. wild things


    I grew up in the city where wild animals only came during the wild fires in the surrounding hills. The creeks and all the water that flows from down those hillsides goes into concrete channels built to get rid of that water into the sea as fast as possible.

    There used to be floods. Flood planes are nice and flat for building.

    Anyway... I'm on the edge of those hills and no longer nature-deprived except for cockroaches, worms, earwigs; or small birds and ...

    Updated May 28th, 2019 at 02:23 AM by Kevin

  21. fine photos messed up...


    Today on my Facebook someone posted fine pictures of Ararat.

    But then l looked closer and it was something there, man-made.

    What is this- I said to myself?

    No, it was not the Ark ( as I'm sure all of you were thinking) it was garbage in a ditch grown over with wildflowers.

    How sad, how embarrassing. Here is the mountain where Noah and his sons landed after so many days and nights of rain as it was written about, and all Noah ...
  22. Todd Gardling


    Todd Gardling walked up the hill from Sunset winding past mansions, well out of his element,
    no jacket or proper coat or other good vestment
    while occasional Jaguars and other foreign cars of a certain type's occupants looked on with unsettled indignation. No, or better Go ( go back)they might say if sure they could speed away behind rolled up windows.

    Through his haze
    he knew the Jaguar because of the nice hood ornament.

    Be-soiled ...

    Updated April 28th, 2019 at 10:48 AM by Kevin

  23. Mr. Rogers movie


    I watched that Mr. Rogers movie last night.

    It bothered me. He's like the real Mother Teresa, not the phony, like a person who just went around doing good.

    I don't know what happened, the show was my era, but I never watched him as a kid. And now, as an adult ( fogey, even) I am touched.

    I think as a kid (a little kid/ like four or five) I would have found him sappy, too slow, the messages, too... those two things. But now, as more... empathetic, ...

    Updated April 21st, 2019 at 08:56 PM by Kevin

  24. Sacramento


    I flew up to Sacramento last week on business. Never been before.
    I was expecting a Merced/Fresno-like town, which is like Bakersfield if you don't know, basically as about a drab, boring, not cosmopolitan place as you can get.

    I was pleasantly surprised.

    I guess I should've guessed, it being the state's Capitol and all that, but I've been to the Van Nuys Courthouse which is a large fairly modern complex and that place is about as interesting as ...

    Updated April 2nd, 2019 at 01:07 PM by Kevin

  25. Importance, impotence, impertinence, impudence...of poetry


    The coughing cacafeny
    Cacaupheny cacopheny,
    Cacophonous vermisilitude
    coming in a
    like the
    torrential nebulae
    of your
    momentous passion,
    falling flakey flakes
    from a magenta blackening winter sky.
    Verdant, shimmering



    ... ...
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