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  1. Caregiver diary

    3:00 am March 31, 2020

    Vickie awoke, checked blood sugar: low (5, had to fix quick bfast; heated sausage/egg sandwich we keep in freezer for just these occasions.

    3:30 am

    I'm still awake, loaded dishwasher, made self bowl cereal, V still awake was cold needed blankets. Temp outside 51f. Heated leftover coffee in microwave.

    4:00 am

    Both still awake V needed to potty, helped her to b-room and back to bed.

    5:00 am ...
  2. rant

    Ever have the overwhelming need to rant? Shout to the heavens about how life is unfair? I want to, but I'm not going to do that. For one thing the whole problem is mainly my own fault.

    Back in Nov found out I needed my birth certificate to get my driver's licence renewed (which is a separate rant issue). Well I ordered it, just now finding out it will be March before I get it. Mistakes and bad decisions have led me to order another directly from my birth county because I can get ...
  3. In training

    I know I've always been crusty and cynical, but at this point I strive to be a curmudgeon. I may not be old enough yet, but I'm getting there. So here I sit, gibing the world the middle fingered salute and laughing at the world's stupidity. However, there are some people here that my agree with me.

    And get off my lawn!
  4. Good news and bad news

    Good news and bad news: wife is feeling better, but now she wants my rear to get busy on summer projects.
    Today a fence in the front yard. Temp today supposed
    to be 108f. Luckily I've got a local handyman to help - we started about 9, about noon I'm wilting (it's already 95f)so rather than call 911 we quit, finish tomorrow.

    We've already got the posts in - did that the other day.
    He's got a come-along to stretch the fence - now to the shower and take a nap. ...
  5. Poetry

    When I first came here it seems
    that prose was in ascendency -
    lately though most of the new
    members seem to be poets,
    and it's like poetry has risen
    in popularly. As a poet myself
    I find this a good thing but
    I wonder if it has anything
    to do with rising education levels.
    More B.A.'s perhaps?
    There's the joke that while business
    graduates are asking "how can I rise
    to the next level of the corporation" ...
  6. OH, WAIT.

    No, today is #39, next year is 40. Bad memory
    strikes again! Wonder If I'll remember it next year.
  7. April 12, 1978.

    A day which will live in insanity. Two people driving each other koo-koo for 40 years. Did I say she had a temper? One of the most memorable was one day she got pissed at me and tossed guacamole salad - hit me right in the chest. It was so ludicrous we both started laughing. To this day she still calls me "Guacamole
    Boy." I really have been a good boy, I'm just frustrating
    to live with. Then she has a habit of buying something
    on sale for a project and 5 ...
  8. Crits

    A lot written here on crits/critiques

    Giving them -

    Prose, I've learned by being a judge here a lot depends on characterization and plot - interesting characters doing interesting things. But of course what is interesting to one person may not be to another, so any comments would be from my perspective. This may very well be useless to the writer, they need to decide if I'm helpful.

    Poetry, I have a hard time with. I've mentioned before ...
  9. Something good?

    Some may remember a preacher some years ago that claimed "Send me 20 bucks and something good will happen to you!" Or something like that.

    That's B.S. of course, but I got to thinking well this new year maybe I'll accidently have a run of okay luck if nothing else.

    That old saying if it weren't for bad luck I'll have no luck at all. Any way it started with a gift of $500 from my eldest brother, Jack, who passed last year. This would be classified as "mixed." ...
  10. 2017

    Don't like whiners, but 2017
    was a very bad year. Vickie has
    been to the hospital 4 times this year,
    I've been once. She's still afflicted by
    uncontrollable diarrhea; the doctor as yet
    found a way to stop it - even the $1000.00
    a month pill didn't work. I've been buying
    Depends, she goes through several a day.

    Plus, my hearing is worse. My left ear
    has always been bad, now my right
    one. I can't hear Vickie when ...
  11. Depression VII

    I wish I could say things are getting better; my wife has made progress in her recovery, although she still has a long way to go. Just getting dressed and coming to the living room is progress.

    My own depression comes and goes, right now I'm so inundated with bills and problems it's overwhelming.

    A plumbing leak gave me a $400 water bill last month, I thought I fixed it and this month it's still there. Water is expensive here, a few years ago the town came close to running ...
  12. My Brother Jack

    My brother Jack died today, although it wasn't unexpected - he was 91. A WW11 vet, me married his wife (she was the one who called me) in 1951 or 52. In any case they had been married at least 75 years. God. 75 years. It really hits you when it's close like a brother. Worked for the post office over 40 years.

    He never talked about his experiences, came home with a purple heart and all of his limbs. He did tell me he fought under Patton, and showed me a few souvenirs of the war. ...
  13. regrets

    Some people say they have no regrets; and that's fine for them - for me, I've got to many to count. Getting married is one of them; my current wife and I do love each other, but we are so far apart on others. I've come to realize I'm a minimalist (took me 73 years to figure that one out, duh). My wife likes knick-knacks, pictures on the wall and so forth - but things get cluttered. Way too much stuff.

    We've discussed this, and she agrees - but we're stuck with each other. I suppose ...
  14. My Yardman

    I never thought I'd have a yardman, but with my wife's health deteriorating I was too exhausted to do much else. In truth, I never liked yardwork - especially mowing a weed-whacking. It's boring as hell. I enjoy woolgathering while I'm walking the dog, but I might lose a toe if I tried it mowing.

    Anyway, my yard guy is tall - he told me 6-4 - and so thin he could hide behind a soda straw. He putters around town on his riding mower with his other tools in a small trailer on back, ...
  15. Confession, good for the soul

    "Hello, my name is Tony, and I'm an internet addict."

    "Hello, Tony"

    Geez, the first thing I do every morning it turn on the bleeping computer. The first place I log on to is this forum, which would be fine if I actually accomplished something. Which I do, every now and then. Mostly I just peruse the posts, then wander off to various web sites - a comedy site here, a comic site there. I do go to some political ones, but they only make me depressed. ...
  16. Depression VI

    Continuing my own series on depression,
    I see that some people say they have no regrets because if the things hadn't happened to them they wouldn't be the person they are today; that's fine for them, I even applaud them - but for me I've got plenty of regrets and the thing is, I don't like what I am today. As a matter of fact I despise myself and the circumstances that I am in. Of course, I consider it all my fault and I am worthless.

    Well, realizing the problem is one of the ...
  17. Depression V

    Some recent posts have brought up a question as
    how others view your situation. Just the statement
    "I'm depressed today" does not mean you have clinical depression. Maybe you are just whining, or sad. Even people close to you may not realize your real situation.

    I had clinical depression. I tried to hurt myself. I spent time in a mental ward, group therapy. Before you criticize others, find help. A counselor, a doctor. Not all people can recognize the clues, ...
  18. Depression IV

    Many experts say that depression is a disease,
    it's not your fault. Well, in some cases I'm
    convinced you can worry yourself into depression
    through self-doubt, poor self-image, and an attitude that if it's not my fault it must be someone else's.

    Regardless, self-doubt is one of the most destructive
    human failures. I know, because it happened to me.

    Medication can help, but not always. If it does, good.
    If not, consider other options like ...
  19. Depression lll

    By exploring the roots of my own depression, I hope I help some others who still struggle.

    One of my root causes was a poor self-image. I never was able to live up to his expectations. I remember one time after my second marriage he was over to the house and I showed him some shelves I built. His only comment was "they're crooked." Not helpful.

    As my personality developed, I realized I wasn't good a "guy" things. I wasn't mechanically inclined, ...
  20. Depression ll

    My wife has often told me that I go through life like a leaf on the wind; life, wherever it takes me. It's a defense mechanism, I just let life happen. It has its drawbacks, and depression is one of them.

    Things happen to me, rather than going forth and making them happen, then it snowballs into regret and depression. Yet when I try to do things, they often backfire and things get worse. I do have a problem not learning from my mistakes.

    So often I feel useless. ...
  21. Depression

    A lot of folks here have suffered from depression, myself included - and I always try to be encouraging in my comments. Sometimes, though, I don't practice what I preach. Comes from being human, I'll admit. Like recently, coming down with sinusitis (or as I like to call it, the creeping crud) at times I feel the waves of hopelessness and uselessness cover me like a rotted blanket.

    Despite medicine, or maybe because of it, I start hating myself and my life again. Like I've often ...
  22. Disaster central

    The morning isn't going well. First, the coffee pot died. Grounds were everywhere, and it took me a while to clean up. Then the kitchen room air conditioner quit. I had to pull out a cabinet to hit the reset button. There were plants on the cabinet, one with water, which of course spilled all over the floor. Then I spilled jam all over my shirt.

    I don't know what is it about gooey substances and me. I was using mastic working on a bathroom remodel the other day and managed to ...
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