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Fear and Trepidation

I've always wanted to blog, never been sure i had enough to say.

In truth I'm never sure if I'm good enough.

I've done a lot of things in my 40ish years of life; i've sung in a band, been a life model, dated a man twice my age (then, not now!!), travelled quite a bit including backpacking around most of europe, partly alone, partly with a couple of CRAZY australian guys, I've had well paid and responsible jobs. I've even written a short lived column for an 'adult' magazine along with fabricating numerous 'readers letters' letters (what, you thought they were all real?)

And always, at the back of my mind, is that nagging feeing, that little voice in the background that says

"Somebody's going to see through you soon. Somebody'll see you for who you really are. Then the shit's going to hit the fan."

I dont really know why I started this now. I'm certainly not wanting, or expecting, a tide of well wishers to tell me how wondrful I am (the little voice will tell me you're just being nice, you don't mean it anyway).

I just wanted to get something off my chest.

  1. Pointless wittering and rampant feminism

    by , April 3rd, 2012 at 12:48 PM (Fear and Trepidation)
    I promised myself that I would, having committed to the blog thing, post regularly. The problem is that sometimes theres not enough happening to make a worthwhile post, hence this paragraph of pointless wittering.

    I'm cross, though. I'm a feminist; not a burn your bra, wear dungarees type feminist, but one who feels I and all of my gender have a perfect right to dress, and act, in any way please, just like men do. And to be respected for who I am, not judged for how I dress or what ...
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  2. Getting on track

    by , March 26th, 2012 at 11:24 AM (Fear and Trepidation)
    i dont understand why things have to be so difficult sometimes. my book is nearly finished (or more correctly was finished 6 months ago, 99th rewrite nearly finished).

    I will be self publishing - I had high hopes for a certain niche publisher but they finally said that while they liked my b&d, there wasn't enough s&m. Well I'm not changing so there u go!

    Now the endless wrangling about a cover and a title. how hard should that be? it looks like im going to end up ...
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  3. Why my reservations about blogging were probably correct

    by , March 23rd, 2012 at 03:35 PM (Fear and Trepidation)
    I wanted to write something to get it off my chest. I did, but then realised that rather than being a blog post, i'd written it as the blog description. Basically its about me and my occasional feelings of inadequacy, so I guess that messing up my first post was par for the course.

    Then I wrote another post explaining why I can sometimes be abrasive. I worded it badly and used a non-family freindly word, and it got deleted. And rightly so, i never set out to offend or to break the rules. ...
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