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You couldn't MAKE it up.

And if you could, you sad bastard. Joking of course.

Yesterday, after dinner, I took my last Glucosamine tablet. I had been sure that when bought them I'd bought two tubs together and that I'd got a fresh lot waiting to be opened but I hadn't and so, earlier today, I logged into the online suppliers website to place an order and made a complete horlicks of it. I don't want to join their club. I don't to register, have an account, whatever. I just want to buy some glucosamine tablets.

I had a pricelist at hand and, of course, it offered a phone-number and so I called them to place an order. It went something like this. Bear in mind that I hadn't been up long, have a bit of a cold, and was feeling a bit peed off for failing to place the order online. I just wanted place the order and get on with my day.

Ring ring'ring ring.......

"Hello, this is...[ she gave her name ] at joe bloggs supllies. How can I help you please."
As bright and breezy as you'd like.
"Hello, I'd like to place an order please".

"No problem sir, have you bought from us before?"
"Okay, could I have you postcode please."
I gave her my postcode, full name and address for confirmation.
"Right then sir, what an I do for you today?"
I told her what I wanted.
" Oh the code."
"It's no problem sir."
"I have the catalogue here."
And as she found the code I read it to her from the booklet. Sorted.
" Ah, there should be a promotion code inside the back page. If you can tell me what it is you'll be entitled to a discount."
I fumbled and couldn't find it.
" Oh I can't see it. Don't worry about."
" It's okay, I can wait,"
" I don't want to play games. I just want to place an order."
" Fine sir."
We went through the card details routine.
She tried to interest me in signing up for auto repeat purchase.
"You wouldn't have to do anything then sir. We'll just send your order twelve months from now."
Not mention charging me of course and getting your commission. She was only doing her job.
" Nah, I could be dead by then."
"Fine sir."
she ran through the list of postage options and for something like twelve quid a year I buy whatever I wanted without paying for p&p.
No, I didn't think so.
" That's it then sir. It's all gone through. Should be with you within two or three working days. Thank you for buying from ****** today."
"Thank you. Goodbye."

So why have I posted this?
Who cares?

If your current WIP has a character in it who is old and grouchy, An absolute shit Just like me. You might to use this as an aside. Not word for word obviously. Add to you word-count. Because who would think of such a thing? But it happens. It happened.

And now I wish I could go back and apologise to her. I'm sorry for how i was but I doubt that she was troubled by it and what the hell, she got the order. Job done.

Life eh?


She was pushing. "Tell your corporate new world order totalitarian-state masters that no, I don't want to join their automatic compulsory consumer slave-train. " Is that too much? Maybe.
"Eh, no thank you... Eh, no thank you... Eh, no thank YOU."
LOL. Love your “Nah, I could be dead by then”. Same reason I won’t pay a year in advance, even with discount, on something I can do month to month. I’ve not gotten to the point of not buying green bananas, though.
I did feel sorry for her looking back, a while later, but they're trained to deal with old misery-guts' like me I reckon and like I said, if you're wanting to furnish the character of a miserable old so and so like me, it would be putting "meat on the bones" as the saying goes.
Why don't you just go to Boots and buy them. I got two packets for the price of 1. Or go to the healthfood shop?
I can't think why I started using the online supplier. Must have been on offer when I first started using them and now I just go there. Habit I suppose. And laziness, probably.

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