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What kind of person? Fearful!

Deleted and combined these posts...Didn't see the pencil that meant edit. Hahahah. Oh well. I'll learn eventually...

Writing! Hoorah! Another dreadfully boring night shift! I don't know what time it is for you, but here it's 2:42 AM! By Zeus' beard I'm tired! Nonetheless, as you all know I am endlessly compelled to ramble even if no one is here to listen.

I have written more pre-writing and prose since joining than in the entire year prior. Going on the theory that writing for practice is good, I've resolved this year to write my fingers to the bone. I can tell small bits of improvement. I've always been oddly self-aware.

Several stories now in my head are completely in place, but about this time my mental weariness is catching up with me. Guests are coming tomorrow as well. But my weekend night work gives me many a weekday to spend writing and all plans to do so.

Though my recent computer issues have meant I cannot come here as often as I would like. So I must save what I think I'll post and sporadically come online in sharp bursts of activity. Many apologies!

But blogging is easier than writing for whatever reason, I guess that's just me, so I feel oddly obligated to share with you all. Someone please smack me if I'm intolerable.

But thinking inwardly has always helped me and this continues to be the case! Pray, tolerate me! As most of you know I am endlessly compelled to do this.

My mind goes off constantly in a never ending stream of thought. Sometimes I wish to express it, sometimes not. My mood loves to go back and forth as well.

Meaning either I'm completely silent for hours on end, or I spew never ending babble to anyone nearby! I'm simply compelled to...This being the case, with no one around for too long, I feel less fulfilled.

After all, what's the point of writers without readers? Speakers without hearers? If I feel no one will understand or even hear it, it's discouraging. Of course one can be online and active in the community, but at home...All those hours when I'm doing this. It's dreadful.

Right now I'm blessed to have a family! We've all moved in a large house together to take care of disabled and aged family members, so it's far from lonely now. I'm afraid of the future.

I'm not one for denial. I know they'll die someday. My biggest fear is I'll move out into some apartment, and in those long introverted hours, go inevitably insane. Granted that probably won't happen, but I don't fancy the idea of living alone.

I'm not bragging, but believe me when I say I don't believe other people myself. But I'm told, meaning other people tell me, I'm supposedly handsome. Not that I believe them at all! I do see people stare though.

The curse is, no one seems to like the idea of speaking with me. Is this the idea that the man must take the initiative? I don't know. But it's almost like I'm a statue! Good to look at, but people only stare, and then pass me by. Good lord just say something to me! Haha. I don't bite! Hard, at least.

So I fear I'll find no one, and go live alone and go crazy and be some Sherlock Holmes style drug addict whittling away the hours doing God knows what behind locked doors.
Either way, I will write.

But I fear I'm the sort of person who really will go mad without someone else. A sounding board, a tuning fork, something else to keep me in check. Other people have always done that for me...If I'm alone, well, I simply don't trust myself.


Hello CJ, and welcome, enjoyed your blog.
There is much of what you've said that i relate to.
Fellow night-worker.
The moods, the silence and the babble.
I don't really fancy living alone either.
Don't really fancy getting old. What am i saying? I AM old.
As for "taking the initiative", why can't females realise that they have all the power?
Oh dear, i seem to have gone off on one.
This really is/has always been a big issue for me;
How many happy associations might have been? If only he or she had dared.
I had phases in my earlier years where i exchanged glances and "stares" with young women only to lose sight of them.
Haven't we all? It's a shame. And what consequences for society? What an awful negative "dreadful" knock-on.

Keep posting CJ.

Have you noticed the "blog-draft" option?
It's handy for kicking an idea around before deciding what to do with it.:smile2:

The other side of the coin.

I would say that I am not handsome, physically fit from years of hard work, my clothes dirty at the end of the day, I am sure no woman's view of prince charming when she is fantasying about her perfect man.

I make friends where ever I go. I smile and start conversations with people I have never met and engage them in everything from weather to politics. I often look at someone and decide I am going to talk to them and just find out something about them, I do it all the time, can't stop myself.

I am a people watcher, how they dress, what they are carrying. I look for little clues to give me some insight into who they are and what they are thinking. I am open and friendly and for some reason I am very seldom if ever rebuffed. It is because someone can tell I truly care to speak to them. I have no agenda other than to meet them and be friendly. It is a skill, it is a hobby, it is also one of the more rewarding things I have gotten to do in life. I find people fascinating and feel privileged any time someone shows me a little slice of who they are.

Pick up some books on reading body language, I consider myself a real expert on body language. I am partially deaf so read lips which helps but have been intrigued by the art of communication both verbal and non-verbal for many years. Being in tune to how people react and what they are thinking when not speaking is the key to being a good speaker and communicator.

It all boils down to one simple thought when speaking or wishing to speak to someone you have never met but wish to speak to. It is always all about them not you. As you speak you need to reveal enough about yourself so that they feel you are open and honest and have no hesitation to share a slice of yourself.

20 years ago I had a bad concussion from a fall, I lost two years worth of memory plus all of my short term memory for almost a year. I met people who knew me and I did not recall them at all, this has happened many times in my life. What I found is that if I treated everyone I met like they were my long time friends I soon had many long time friends. I did not want to insult someone who had just come up to me and started talking and telling me things that I did not remember them. So I smiled, asked questions and cared what the answers where, I dug deep for information and clarification about what they were saying. I found people really responded to my demeanor. I focused on that style of interaction and never looked back.

You obviously have the skills to speak to strangers. Your occupation puts you in contact daily, you have the ability to share something about yourself, a certain self deprecation and humility that comes across well when you write. All you need now is a smile and the same confidence you shared with me, a complete stranger, to meet and get to know the next woman that gives you a glace and ounce of attention.

If an old guy with dirty clothes and nothing more than a smile and a good heart can do it, it should be a piece of cake for you...Bob
For yearsI babbled think that was writing, wasted unstructured words. I now have a better idea on how to write structured words. It use to drive me nuts tryintg to think on what the next word was going to be. but reading the post here has convinced me there is a better way and no babbling.

At seventy-two I am now a hobby reader and writer plus a grammarly watcher (the word perfect comes to mind). Good blogging. Curious Paul

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Crowley K. Jarvis
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