Writing! Hoorah! Another dreadfully boring night shift! I don't know what time it is for you, but here it's 2:42 AM! By Zeus' beard I'm tired! Nonetheless, as you all know I am endlessly compelled to ramble even if no one is here to listen.
I have written more pre-writing and prose since joining than in the entire year prior. Going on the theory that writing for practice is good, I've resolved this year to write my fingers to the bone. I can tell small bits of improvement. I've always been oddly self-aware.
Several stories now in my head are completely in place, but about this time my mental weariness is catching up with me. Guests are coming tomorrow as well. But my weekend night work gives me many a weekday to spend writing and all plans to do so.
Though my recent computer issues have meant I cannot come here as often as I would like. So I must save what I think I'll post and sporadically come online in sharp bursts of activity. Many apologies!
But blogging is easier than writing for whatever reason, I guess that's just me, so I feel oddly obligated to share with you all. Someone please smack me if I'm intolerable.
But thinking inwardly has always helped me and this continues to be the case! Pray, tolerate me! As most of you know I am endlessly compelled to do this.
My mind goes off constantly in a never ending stream of thought. Sometimes I wish to express it, sometimes not. My mood loves to go back and forth as well.
Meaning either I'm completely silent for hours on end, or I spew never ending babble to anyone nearby! I'm simply compelled to...This being the case, with no one around for too long, I feel less fulfilled.
After all, what's the point of writers without readers? Speakers without hearers? If I feel no one will understand or even hear it, it's discouraging. Of course one can be online and active in the community, but at home...All those hours when I'm doing this. It's dreadful.
Right now I'm blessed to have a family! We've all moved in a large house together to take care of disabled and aged family members, so it's far from lonely now. I'm afraid of the future.
I'm not one for denial. I know they'll die someday. My biggest fear is I'll move out into some apartment, and in those long introverted hours, go inevitably insane. Granted that probably won't happen, but I don't fancy the idea of living alone.
I'm not bragging, but believe me when I say I don't believe other people myself. But I'm told, meaning other people tell me, I'm supposedly handsome. Not that I believe them at all! I do see people stare though.
The curse is, no one seems to like the idea of speaking with me. Is this the idea that the man must take the initiative? I don't know. But it's almost like I'm a statue! Good to look at, but people only stare, and then pass me by. Good lord just say something to me! Haha. I don't bite! Hard, at least.
So I fear I'll find no one, and go live alone and go crazy and be some Sherlock Holmes style drug addict whittling away the hours doing God knows what behind locked doors.
Either way, I will write.
But I fear I'm the sort of person who really will go mad without someone else. A sounding board, a tuning fork, something else to keep me in check. Other people have always done that for me...If I'm alone, well, I simply don't trust myself.