We had another meeting, and She was there at that meeting again. I'm not going to say where the meeting was because we're not supposed to, and there should be no written record.
This is the second time I've seen her.
I don't know who she thinks she is, talking over people. My first thought is that she is very loud and pushy. I was about to say something and she just cut me off. And then I forgot whatever point I was going to make.
I don't know what her name is- starts with an 'E'. We're not supposed to know, in case, you know, someone gets caught or interrogated - the less we know- but I saw she had it written on her notebook - a black binder - 'E-something...'
What names start with 'e'? Enid, Ethel, Eliza? They all sound like old-lady names. Her voice is not old, but she looks kind of old, like dresses plain or something, with glasses. I don't think she's old.
She got into it with 'D'. I'm calling him 'D' just in case ( like I said earlier) and she was yelling or talking really fast and got right in his face. It was kind of shocking. Everything he said she had an answer, and when someone else chimed in she spun on that guy- so fast- and went right at him with her finger wagging.
I don't think I could ever do that - answer so quick and... forcefully. I'd probably be spraying it and get embarrassed. But she just like spun so quick, and answered so quick it was shocking. I wish I could do that.
Anyway, I kept staring at her, and then she looked right at me , and I turned my eyes away. Now I'm at the meetings and the first damn thing I think before I get there is : is she going to be there?and once I do get there all I can do is search for her. It's ridiculous because what would I say to her? Don't talk over me?!
I keep telling myself to just think of something else; not her. There is important stuff to get done.
Except for forgetting my important point the rest of the meeting was fine. I just feel like I need to keep up with people or I'll get left behind. It's important I state my ideas so they respect me. I need to show that I'm not just a drone, but important, useful. More than useful, like... needed.
I don't know why I'm writing this down - it's stupid. I just think I should keep a record in case. I don't know what for.
Toward the greater future.
I will speak again.