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Theory on Teenage Apathy...Frustration...An gst

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Very short and maybe common sense, but because I do absolutely zero research you can trust me 100%.

So...why? I think it's obvious, and by think I mean guess, of course. (no actual thinking was involved in this blog post)

Basically, fantasy clashing with reality. Especially in todays world, children have expectations of life based on delusions from self, media, parents, etc. Then, as they grow older and their lives become less and less localized (home > school [kids from relatively close areas] > high school [kids from a larger area] > Job) they confront a world of people less and less directly involved in nurturing them and more so one where people are generally challenging, competitive, and even hostile or obstructive. Instead of being who they are and who they want to be, they realize they must conform to some degree. Yes, some people make being themselves work, but most others will need to begin ceding parts of themselves to get ahead. I think this is a moment of disillusionment and despair for people to closely bonded to their dreams and expectations from childhood.

I'm certainly no doctor. If I was, I'm more like Dr. Phil rather than Dr. House. I even quack with every step. Therefore, you should trust me when I say children shouldn't be treated too much like children sometimes. I wouldn't have them working the grind right out the womb or anything, but I think taking kids around and showing them different areas of adult life would probably soften the period of transition. It requires spending some extra time with your kid and, yeah, I can see why some people get hives just from the thought, but in a real and symbolic way, who better to escort a child through the stages of life than their own parents?

Of course, I have no children. At least I'm sure I didn't. Don't. I definitely didn't lose my kids. But when I smile children scream and this is why you should give this advice some thought. Don't judge a book by it's cover.
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Comments

I agree with some of what you say, and disagree with some.

I'll start with the disagreement. Too many children nowadays are not nutured sufficiently. Buying the latest trendy whatever does not count as nurturing. Telling the teacher off for trying to discipline your disruptive child does not count as nurturing. Being raised in daycare, preschool, school and afterschool programs does not count as nurturing.

Now to what I agree with. I think the transition to adulthood would benefit from more time spent together, parent and child(ren). It might not be very feasible for the parent, but that's something else entirely.

It might help to realize we are raising our children to be adults. Trying to get them to behave as good children works against the other goal. Good adults don't wait for someone to take care of them. Good children do.
 
George Bernard Shaw's "Unreasonable Man" comes to mind.

When I was an adolescent, at school, the horizon looked pretty uninspiring. Everything was geared to churning out identikit adults. Creative thinking? At boarding school life was competition. The very word "creative" would have been met with on small measure of scorn; the idea - this was the 80s - was to amass as much power and cash as possible and vile though some may find this, the practise definitely encouraged excellence. Then when the family funds disappeared and I tumbled into the state school system, it was an exercise in mediocrity, with every aspect seemingly being governed by mousy focus groups and quotas.

I look at millennials today and am blown away by their dedication to standards; in everything from their appearance to their art to their work ethic to their social lives, being the best seems to be a key goal. Yes, it means that some may be disappointed - but what's wrong with that? Better to engage with disappointment than avoid it altogether. At least with disappointment one can reflect on where one failed, and work on that for next time, and become more robust a person in the process. It's great to see!
 
Ideally, parenting is like a slow moving train that picks up speed as it goes along, and I believe along the way many parents get "stuck" at a station or two. The goal is to produce responsible, caring adults who can mix and mingle in society, but there are parents who want to forestall any pain, any malcontent, any moments of anxiety, for their children, and so they continue to treat them as if they are three long past that age. I did know a woman who had two twenty-year olds still still living at home who she refused to allow to use her washing machine because she was afraid they would break it. So she continued to do all of their laundry. I agree with you completely that gradually exposing children to a grown up world, with all it's wayward ways, is beneficial to the child's well being as they become more and more independent. You can adore their creativity when they are young, but having a eighteen-year-old (and I have known some) who still thinks he should start somewhere near the top of a company instead of the mail room is not helpful to anyone. And it doesn't have to be brutal! You don't have to leave them on a street corner miles from home to give them skills in negotiating their way back. A parents' job is be their guide. The older they get, the more responsibility you give them, the more they learn and they must always know you have their back - until you don't. Its not always easy; but then they fly and you are proud. I have four children and I didn't hit my stride until number 3.

You said: "who better to escort a child through the stages of life than their own parents? " And I say who better indeed! Good job. :)
 
[video=youtube;As8XkJNaHbs]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As8XkJNaHbs[/video]

I'm inclined to agree with Simon Sinek.

And just to establish this video's relevance to the blog here, his first point is "failed parenting strategies".
 
Jack of all trades;bt10573 said:
I agree with some of what you say, and disagree with some.

I'll start with the disagreement. Too many children nowadays are not nutured sufficiently. Buying the latest trendy whatever does not count as nurturing. Telling the teacher off for trying to discipline your disruptive child does not count as nurturing. Being raised in daycare, preschool, school and afterschool programs does not count as nurturing.

Now to what I agree with. I think the transition to adulthood would benefit from more time spent together, parent and child(ren). It might not be very feasible for the parent, but that's something else entirely.

It might help to realize we are raising our children to be adults. Trying to get them to behave as good children works against the other goal. Good adults don't wait for someone to take care of them. Good children do.

Agreed, except with the very last...in a way. I think asking for help is a thing poisoned by politics and some cultural-religious views. As long as it's coming from a good place, helping one another is a powerful relationship builder- especially when that help is not needed. It's more of a question of intent I suppose. Asking for help from your son- or you might reach over to help your son with something that doesn't require help- as a way of being communal and engaging is great. Awesome. But if it comes from a place of selfishness, self-centeredness, or self-interest like laziness or leeching, definitely bad.

Parenting has got to be one of the hardest things out there because of these types of things... Especially since there is no one way to do it. How you raise a child is largely dependent on the nature of that child.
 
bdcharles;bt10575 said:
George Bernard Shaw's "Unreasonable Man" comes to mind.

When I was an adolescent, at school, the horizon looked pretty uninspiring. Everything was geared to churning out identikit adults. Creative thinking? At boarding school life was competition. The very word "creative" would have been met with on small measure of scorn; the idea - this was the 80s - was to amass as much power and cash as possible and vile though some may find this, the practise definitely encouraged excellence. Then when the family funds disappeared and I tumbled into the state school system, it was an exercise in mediocrity, with every aspect seemingly being governed by mousy focus groups and quotas.

[video=youtube;VVxYOQS6ggk]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVxYOQS6ggk[/video]

Made me think of that, lol.

I look at millennials today and am blown away by their dedication to standards; in everything from their appearance to their art to their work ethic to their social lives, being the best seems to be a key goal. Yes, it means that some may be disappointed - but what's wrong with that? Better to engage with disappointment than avoid it altogether. At least with disappointment one can reflect on where one failed, and work on that for next time, and become more robust a person in the process. It's great to see!

True, the fear of failure affects everyone. It is nice to see such an explosion of ideas and such in society and kids always have that combination of energy and eagerness about them that makes them seem so capable of anything.

Maybe there's such an expectation of success and happiness that we don't learn to deal with our failure's and disappointments properly and it poisons us...and the community...in the long run. A seething frustration and discontent that shows itself in a variety of ways. They do have this thing called "emotional intelligence" becoming a more pronounced thing so maybe people are trying to find way of helping people deal with failure and disappointment and strengthening the character one person at a time. One can only hope.
 
SueC;bt10576 said:
Ideally, parenting is like a slow moving train that picks up speed as it goes along, and I believe along the way many parents get "stuck" at a station or two. The goal is to produce responsible, caring adults who can mix and mingle in society, but there are parents who want to forestall any pain, any malcontent, any moments of anxiety, for their children, and so they continue to treat them as if they are three long past that age. I did know a woman who had two twenty-year olds still still living at home who she refused to allow to use her washing machine because she was afraid they would break it. So she continued to do all of their laundry. I agree with you completely that gradually exposing children to a grown up world, with all it's wayward ways, is beneficial to the child's well being as they become more and more independent. You can adore their creativity when they are young, but having a eighteen-year-old (and I have known some) who still thinks he should start somewhere near the top of a company instead of the mail room is not helpful to anyone. And it doesn't have to be brutal! You don't have to leave them on a street corner miles from home to give them skills in negotiating their way back. A parents' job is be their guide. The older they get, the more responsibility you give them, the more they learn and they must always know you have their back - until you don't. Its not always easy; but then they fly and you are proud. I have four children and I didn't hit my stride until number 3.

You said: "who better to escort a child through the stages of life than their own parents? " And I say who better indeed! Good job. :)

Yeah, I can imagine how hard it must be sometimes. And I think you're right about number three. My little brother is the third and he definitely coasts through the path me and my sister hacked through, lol.
 
Smith;bt10577 said:
[video=youtube;As8XkJNaHbs]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As8XkJNaHbs[/video]

I'm inclined to agree with Simon Sinek.

And just to establish this video's relevance to the blog here, his first point is "failed parenting strategies".

That was an awesome video. I appreciate it.
 
kaminoshiyo;bt10593 said:
Agreed, except with the very last...in a way. I think asking for help is a thing poisoned by politics and some cultural-religious views. As long as it's coming from a good place, helping one another is a powerful relationship builder- especially when that help is not needed. It's more of a question of intent I suppose. Asking for help from your son- or you might reach over to help your son with something that doesn't require help- as a way of being communal and engaging is great. Awesome. But if it comes from a place of selfishness, self-centeredness, or self-interest like laziness or leeching, definitely bad.

Parenting has got to be one of the hardest things out there because of these types of things... Especially since there is no one way to do it. How you raise a child is largely dependent on the nature of that child.

I didn't say anything about asking for help. I spoke about waiting for someone to take care of you. I see those as two entirely different things.

Let's look at a more concrete example. Good children eat what they are told to eat by their parent(s), the authority. What happens when they grow up? Do they know how to listen to their bodies? Do they follow whatever food fad is currently the latest trend? Do they research and make informed choices? Do they buy what commercials tell them to buy?

Notice, this has nothing to do with needing help.
 
Jack of all trades;bt10598 said:
I didn't say anything about asking for help. I spoke about waiting for someone to take care of you. I see those as two entirely different things.

Let's look at a more concrete example. Good children eat what they are told to eat by their parent(s), the authority. What happens when they grow up? Do they know how to listen to their bodies? Do they follow whatever food fad is currently the latest trend? Do they research and make informed choices? Do they buy what commercials tell them to buy?

Notice, this has nothing to do with needing help.

Gotcha. And yeah, you hit it right on the head. Agreed.
 

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