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The Zen Buddhist...

I'm finding Haemin Sunim's book quite a read, am actually surprised and confused by how I'm feeling about what he has to say. I have resolved to re-read it once, maybe twice over even. Not sure what I'm looking for here or what I'm wanting from this but I feel that there might be much to gain. It's difficult to describe how I feel as I read it. Enlightenment maybe? Hope? Besides other things I seem to be getting from it the main message not to be judgemental of course but particularly of the self, and maybe I expect too much, of myself, others, the world/universe whatever. It's making me feel a bit hollow inside. A time of introspection/self analysis, time for a "spring-clean", sorting out and letting go perhaps.Tough lessons that I want to learn, I really do, and then I think of my work-place, one of you guys recently used the word "toxic", and maybe that's just how the world is. Or is it my view of what is or appears to be that is toxic? Now there's ​a thought.

I think of a favourite saying of mine, that it's "all relative", one persons poison might be another persons elixir etc. And maybe we all just have to find our way of dealing with who we are, what we are, and where we are.

Makes me think of a conversation I once had with my brother regarding a Cab-ride across London. It scared the life out of my wife. Vehicles bobbing and weaving, darting out in front of you with no warning, every motorist seeing gaps and going for them and all at a million miles an hour. My thoughts were that I could never drive a car there.
My brother's response was " you just have to go for it or else you would move a yard all day" AND THIS IS THE KEY " they don't want to crash any more than you do".

I shall read on...

Oh dear,
getting rid of the "what ifs" is a tough one. I have much to learn/read.

There seems to be a need for understanding. All I ever wanted, all my life I've tried, was to "understand". Why people do, why people say, why people are and maybe that's their problem to. Maybe we're all just striving to make sense of it all. I'm afraid this is all getting a bit deep but it's food for thought.

I have finished the book and I SHALL read it again, soon. Probably start again tomorrow, maybe tonight even. Might also take a closer look at buddhism, I'm interested.
What I've got from the book, if anything, is serenity and if I can find that I have some place to go to, y'know?:-| No I'm not coming all over religious, no I haven't found Buddha and I doubt that Buddha would care to find me but if I can get something from it, why not?

Sunim says:
"There is a famous saying that everyone appears as buddhas in the eyes of the Buddha and everyone appears as pigs in the eyes of a pig.
I don't think that I'm a pig exactly but...
There's room for improvement of course. Well it's a start, isn't it?

I read about " self-awareness " and laugh at my self. And I do mean MY SELF, not myself. Maybe I just need to pause, give myself time to think and evaluate more often.

I think I may have found my very own personal bible/book of life/ something to take lesons in life from, which, for a devout atheist like me, is quite something.
I'm very aware of a tendency to get stressed and I'm trying to adjust, it's not healthy for someone of my age to be like that but it IS mostly a work thing.

We shall see.


I know the feeling...

I hope you find something that really motivates you in the direction you want to be going.

If only.

If someone asked me " what do you want? Where would you want to be? I can fix it, NOW!"
Y'know what? Even now, in my twilight years, I don't know. Forever drifting, forever lost.:dejection:
Hand on heart, I can't claim that it has changed my life exactly but,,,,,
Situations at work that can and do rear their ugly heads and serve only to stress me out seem more manageable.
When they occur I scream and shout at the world, then I think of Sunim , I laugh at myself, and, it's getting better I think.

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