I've hit the fuckin' wall. Yeah, I put a language tag on this post but I reckon most people wouldn't expect me to drop an f-bomb in the first hundred-fifty words. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but that's what kind of mood I'm in. The facade of polite propriety drops away and I stand in gritty harsh focus, a professionally profane prophet of reality. When I'm frustrated I use language normally saved for a garage in the deep south and right now, I'm really fuckin' frustrated.
As many may know, I joined an art forum. I've even let my posting frequency slow down in this forum because I found that other place. That other place is going to end my ass in short order. Why? Not because they're more skilled than me, hell, everybody is more skilled than me. Unborn infants are more skilled than I'll likely ever be. There's an Elephant I saw on TV, can paint and while it's not exactly top-shelf, it's probably better than anything I could do on my best day. I credit the elephant for his skill 'cause his brain is so big. Yeah, I know it doesn't make a damn difference 'cause the brain is less developed, but who's writing this post? Right.
I'm struggling in drawing and I'm beginning to think that nobody knows how to help me. 99% of that is because I've had hell explaining what I want to do and it's hard to help a bottle rocket that doesn't know where he wants to go but that plans to just go. I'm a misguided missile and I get that. Thing is, I know what I wanna do I'm just scared to blabber on about it because I don't wanna be made ass fun of for it.
To do what I need to do, want to do, crave to do, I need to be able to DRAW. So far, I've been trying to learn to draw from reference photos but it's not going so hot for me. The problem? Find a good picture. Seriously, hit google images or somethin' and find a good picture you like. Now, sit down and draw the sumbitch. That's a skill and I truly believe that it takes tremendous skill to do it, I really do. The folks at that art forum, they can do it and do it well. They can teach me how to do that.
The problem? 99% of what I want to draw, there is no reference photo for it. I need to be able to draw, not copy. If I sit down with a picture of a rockin' waterfall and draw it line for line, it's of small use to me because I can't use it for my purposes. No matter how good my copy is, it's a copy of a piece that doesn't dovetail with what *I* need to do.
Look at my profile picture. I'll wait. See? It's a severely underfed dude who wears a cowboy hat with a barbed wire band and presumably likes ketchup on his burgers. I colored that and used a little wizardry to combine the line art elements to put a hat on a skull. I did the eyes and the blood... ketchup. I did all the coloring. I didn't draw that. Somebody else drew the line art that is the hat, the skull, the teeth. I merely colored it in and did a little digital airbrushing. If I go find a reference that's what I want to draw, I'm merely copying the work of someone else. I'll be paying photographers more money than I can make so I can copy their image.
I need the skill to sit before a blank sheet and draw what I can see in my mind and I don't have it. I doubt copying a photographers work will give me that skill and I don't have the photographic skill to go take pictures of the things I want to draw. Some things, there is no reference to be had because the only place it exists is in my head. I see the image, I know exactly what I could do if I had it in my grubby little hands, I just don't know how to draw it. I doubt drawing reference photos is going to help me.
"Oh, you just start with the basic shape, like a sphere. Then you draw the second shape and then you just draw the outline." Tried that. No successes whatsoever. I end up drawing spheres and boxes and cones and not getting within a damn mile of the picture I intended to draw. I don't want to draw reference photos and I don't want to draw boxes and spheres.
Many here can do what I'd like to do but I damn sure aint among 'em. It sucks not being able to do stuff you wanna do. I know damn well I'll never give birth to a kid. I don't want to but at least I know why I couldn't if I did want to. It's not being able to do what everybody tells me I can do that pisses me off.