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The straw that broke this Camel's back;

Smith's blog has prompted this. Sorry Smith. Who know's maybe somebody somewhere ​might see it as drifts off into the great unknown.

I've been carrying too much for too long and this broken arm business, and it's no big deal , although i AM worried right now, has brought me to the brink. I need to talk to a doctor or somebody, but how much can patient and doctor say in the allotted ten minute time-slot? I could use an hour.

A doctor might be willing to refer me and maybe i really do just need a good kick up the backside. How i'm feeling right now, i don't know how to deal with this but one thing i DO , it can't go on. Something's got to give. If i get through this, Things are going to change, they have to.

I feel like some injured animal, i just want to crawl into a hole and stay there.

Note to management:
Please don't delete this, it will soon be on it's way.

And the members, please, just let it go eh?


I'm trying to break down barriers. Today i actually asked my GP who do you talk to about depression here? THERE! I said it. Depression. Depression depression depression. Here being the surgery of course. I also told him some other time maybe. But look! i said that dreaded word. To a GP. My GP. That was a huge step for me. And the real tragedy is, he didn't seem to give a shit. Or maybe he didn't know what to say. Whatever. He mumbled a few words. I haven't a clue what he said. I thanked him and left.

one thing i didn't know;
You can go to any A&E in England, ask to see the resident Psychiatrist and request a free assessment. I hadn't thought of that, didn't know they existed. Well there you go.

Physiotherapy begins on Friday.

The big question is do i dare to mention my concerns about Autism to my GP the next time i see him ? It just seems so unreal and yet, mmmm.
I wonder if he took note of my mentioning depression. I really don't know if i can do this but the situation is becoming critical.

Saw a GP today. Back to work out of the question. To be reviewed by physio in two weeks.Jeez!

I'm worried.
The people at the hospital and the physio seemed mostly concerned with my elbow and the possibility that i might not being able to fully straighten my arm, and that's scary. Okay, it feels a bit creaky but i feel as though i'm getting there.
I'm worried about the top of my arm and my wrist. I've been doing the exercises for about 12 days now and i have another 12 to go before i see the physiotherapist again. Afraid that i might need surgery ( don't know how i'm going to deal with that ) and hoping like hell here. I'm scared.

I want to ask a GP about depression i do but i just can't being called a time-waster.
Can't do it.

Finally back to work and hoping it's all over now.

Two weeks back at work, my arm still niggles and my depression deepens. I don't want to live like this but i'm not sure that i could face or even that i want the dark clouds to go away. How weird is that?


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