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The small things.

"The person faithful in what is least is faithful also in much, and the person unrighteous in what is least is unrighteous also in much."

That's Luke 16:10 of course.

I felt as if this also applies to relationships.

I also feel that I'm the exact opposite.

I'll do a thousand things, no matter how tedious, tiring, or small. No matter how unnecessary or trivial a given task may seem, I am willing to do it, for others.

But big things? Problems? Fights?

I'll liken it to a fictional situation. Like one might have read about. It wouldn't be fictional, though... these things happen.

Let's go with the general: ' A friend/family member/lover chose to move away.' No, I wouldn't call. I wouldn't write. Saying 'I'll remember you' Is a lie. I would choose to forget.

Or simply, 'Chose to leave you.'That would be their decision, sure. I understand that. Especially if I've been the one to make a mistake. But would we still be friends? Not really. When it comes to those sort of things... those problems... those situations... I lack the 'magical main character' ability to either A: Charge after them, or B: Forgive and forget.

I'll gladly and humbly clean toilets, cook, open every door, smile, listen to your rants and venting, everything! Beg and grovel for forgiveness when I've made a mistake, and gladly forgive anything!

Anything except the big things.

Is that a lack of loyalty? Comradery? I don't know.

I'm not dreadfully afraid of loss. I'll gladly burn a bridge if a relationship is hurting me, and cook weenies on the open flames. Mmm... Where was I? Oh yes.

But if it happens, I lack that ability to 'be the bigger person.'

I won't 'take revenge,' or anything. I don't lash out at people, or hold an obsessive grudge. I won't do anything about it, necessarily...I just don't have the capacity to pretend that nothing is wrong.

Why should I be expected to? Especially if those kinds of decisions have a direct effect on my life?

No, I won't be your buddy. I can talk to some random old guy, and listen to his train stories if I want company. Not someone who has affected me negatively.

Contemplating this... the last remaining strings of my conscience tug at me.

Why? I don't have anything to prove. Especially to someone who hurt me.

So why do I feel like I should?

...I don't know.

Afterthought: ...That sounded pointed. These are just musings, really. I'm not talking about a specific memory, certainly not any of you here! Or I would've told the story... haha. Just thoughts, based on my feelings towards old and new experiences, applied to a fictional future event, in which, I doubt my reaction will have changed, as I seem to still feel the same about such things...

Comments

No one can avoid having regrets, that's simply part of life. The 'what if' is the most debilitating questions one can ask and can linger on like a vengeful ghost if you let them. Just be aware of your choices and think things over before you act. If you truly desire something, pursue it. If you don't, don't. Just remember that no one can see the future and our decisions have consequences, even if they're to do nothing. A friend once told me a wonderful phrase, "Be not the victim, Be not the perpetrator and above all else, be not the bystander." I've always taken it as that one should follow their desires but there is no single correct interpretation
 

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Crowley K. Jarvis
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