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Spring Cleaning

After years of deliberation (read: 'angsting about like a ninny') I have come to the conclusion that it is always better to face one's personal issues than to run from them. Like with bullies, running away and hoping they'll get bored of you or be sidetracked by a more interesting victim-

Well, now, hang on; because with human bullies that works quite well...

But Metaphorical Bullies are the ones that need facing. Not in quite the same category as Personal Demons, Metaphorical Bullies are all bluff and fluster but it is the victim that gives them substance. Closure is all well and good, but realistically, there are some thing you can never get closure on. You have to make your own.

Ugh, I think i lost myself somewhere up there. If you're reading this forgive me, I'm a bit more flow-of-thought than I usually am today. Maybe I should have another cup of coffee.

So! Sorting myself out!

I have a secret. Something I took for granted as a small child, then proceeded to squash away and hide as I got older out of fear of... well, a lot of things. How I would react if I ever actually pulled it out and dusted it off and looked at it. How it would affect my relationship with my parents specifically. And the whole kettle of guilt issues continuing to push it away bring along too.

But I did it. ^_^ Opened the door, fished it out, dusted it off, even smoothed out the wrinkles! Not that it was easy, there was a great deal of crying and wheezing and explanations and apologies flying around and I don't think my father will ever accept it and I'm not inclined to make him- since it's not really his problem (and not one of those things that is anybody's fault, at least not in this instance), but my mother and I are good. I'm good.

And life is a little brighter for it.

And with spring the depression I've been giving the couch to is having a hard time continuing to justify it's stay. I've been listening to new music, trying to new things (I've learned to knit! Sort of...), and writing again.

So I hope no one thought you'd be rid of me. I'll break your heart every time.

A is for Awake, even if it's a work in progress.


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Adeline Addison
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