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Sleep, fear, and horror.

Two cans of NOS later and I'm covering the night shift. Didn't even take a nap.

Even when I close my eyes, my vision doesn't stop.

Electronic overstimulation coupled with an active imagination ensures that my eyes are never adjusted to the dark.

I see flashes. My eyes move and I can hardly stop them. I make out shapes from them. People. Monsters.

Young girls with broken forms. Tall, misshapen men. Faces deformed with nothing but eyes. Unborn children, red and monstrous. Anything of that sort, really.

Eventually my mind drifts and I somehow manage to fall asleep. It doesn't matter how tired I am. The process might be shortened, but it still runs it's course.

I used to be scared. When I was too young to realize it was only my eyes and mind. Now, I don't mind the dark. The woods don't scare me anymore.

Horror methods are increasingly predictable. Even if I was in danger, nothing that can happen makes me particularly worried.

The things I fear are internal. Nothing external gives me cause for concern. Period. Even if I went insane, I wouldn't mind. Halfway there already.

Trying to understand your mind only makes it worse. Fear stops most people from this realization. It is irrational. Not born of logic.

When I'm in danger, I have never panicked.

I think I stated it somewhere else. I've come close to dying on a few occasions. Thankfully I had family to help. But if I were alone, I would have died.

I felt no fear. And that's the problem with monsters, isn't it? They assume you'll be afraid. Feed off of it. Even if they did exist, I wouldn't make a very pleasant meal.

I feel safe. It's a very odd thing to ponder, but writing my deeper thoughts has been very beneficial.

Comments

totally unrelated but last night I had a dream about reading a poem in the Liverpool echo and I recognised the name as yours..end off..i have no idea why man....life is weird
 

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Crowley K. Jarvis
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