I'm surprised at how truly gut wrenchingly difficult it is
I’ve written and posted this blog once before and deleted it
I am trying to reframe to myself that this is a good idea for me as it crystallizes self identity and self acceptance
but but but
Telling the truth about my life and experiences has been a no go area even to good friends
People like me are fun on TV but pretty disturbing in real life
Maybe with this preface I will try again to post
Welcome to the beginning
Perhaps easiest in this discussion of self is where I will choose to start
How about starting with “why bother”
My intent here is to understand not necessarily provide understanding to you the reader. Ive been pretty shy all my life about telling the truth regarding my inner self as mostly the others I've seen that talk too much end up victims of derision or push themselves to the point of being crazy and or both.
This I intend to avoid
So what is the meat in this blog sandwich
Spirituality Psychism seeing knowing the clair- voyance, sentience, audience, whatever
In regard of these, my gifts, or some days curses, they are many. My empathy in terms of sensing an others physical body, emotional states, and minds is extremely high and often but not always is based upon proximity.
Setting aside the spiritual, in the physical world I have a couple of university degrees, have also taught at University and run a consultancy to companies that find very clever and discerning people trusting my navigation and advice in regard of millions of dollars. A while ago i was again drawn into a project covering billions. A high point i guess.
My reason to point this out here is to reassure myself that I am not some screaming wannabe looking for attention. I have enough attention and social reinforcement already, and while writing here, I am risking losing in this not gaining.
My reserve about writing is profound but the need to get some stuff out and figuratively on paper is greater than my nervousness as how I am seen by others.
Part of this exercise to me is to allow myself to be seen by others as I know myself to be, rather than the closeted representation I have crafted for the consumption of my profession peers and others throughout my life.
I've spent my life embarrassed as to how far away from Kansas this little Dorothy actually lives.
No I don't have trans gender issues more like trans species issues but I digress
I'm thankful for this small step. Its funny when you write it down for others to read, it is at this point that you get to own it.
Like some quantum mechanics equation I need an observer, that constant, at the end of the equation, that allows everything to make sense or balance.
So here at the end of the beginning my reason again appears. I've struggled to believe the things that have happened across my life and if I write them here perhaps I will be at peace with my experiences rather than forever trying to self explain, justify or rationalize
To close this beginning. We all have had weird shit occur in our lives, some more than others.
I am one of those “some more than others”.
Read on if you chose. I have comforted myself over the years but admitting that the stuff I experience is so weird you just could not have made it up.
PS This is not my first rodeo.
If the men in white coats come knocking on my door cause of what I write here.
This is a creative writing environment and this area is not capable of being externally scanned for content
Too funny ?
Might as well start with a sample
I had occasion to help my friend who is indigenous Shaman here in my country who specializes in helping souls who miss the bus, fail to move on up to heaven or whatever you use as to label after death transition
There was a bad crash out of town and my friend was asked some years later to perform a ceremony to help settle the continued upset of a close friend of one of the peopled killed. I was asked to accompany him so I did. I've attended a few in the past and watched but nothing too up close and personal
The lady requesting the ceremony accompanied us to the car crash site out in the plains and after getting out of the car on the other side of the road, to my plain site there was a translucent mother cuddling her daughter with her small friend standing behind trapped in a moment in time beside the crash site.
My friend signaled to me he was secondary and it was me who was to be centre stage. Holy crap Batman I am here as the support crew not ring master. Thing was my abilities were active and very much in my face. I could see clearly and it was obvious what I needed to do. I reached out empathically, think of willing someone to notice you at a noisy party, to the daughter’s girl friend standing behind the mother touching her and she left the crash site and came immediately to me and hugged me tight like she was my own child. My learned friend continued to speak in Maori, of which I know little, and nodded to me to keep going. Later he said to me he knew I was going to as he was getting nothing yet his helpers were all happy.
Next I reached to the Mother and then understood to tell her to explain to her daughter the time she stubbed her toe, that in the pain she had stopped breathing and in death she had frozen the same way. Suddenly the girl took a deep breath and started kicking and screaming. The mother looked unsure so I told her to bring her daughter her kicking and screaming across the road to where we stood. When they arrived they stood peacefully between us, all three looking south and up
I too looked there as my friend had been praying in that direction the whole time. The largest eagle appeared and drew closer. The size of a 747. Just immense. I was worried in a pragmatic way as to what’s next as I was going to have to explain later to the lady what went on
The thing that happened next is the pretty much the point of this story. The two twelve year old girls and the mother transformed in my sight into 7 foot resplendent beings of such spiritual depth and substance as to dwarf me to being at caterpillar before a butterfly.
The transition was a thing of glory. The eagle came these three beings transformed again into feathers. Huge 7 foot individual feathers and as the eagle swooped and banked they rose off the ground and slotted into the wing as the eagle passed. It climbed away back into the south and was gone.
The mother who was the close friend of the woman that had asked for help called back a thank you, the interesting thing was the deep caring that allowed her to take her focus off the lovely place she was going and for an instance look back to by comparison an awful place and mentally embrace her friend.
The item here is the transcendence They were simple folk killed in a car crash. Yet they were like all of us just a small part in this life of a hugely wondrous being who they translated back into after death.
We are all these wondrous beings and we shrink to caterpillars to fit in here on Earth and going home looks pretty special
I'm ready for the Eagle or the Celestial Bus or whatever but I have finished comparing myself to other caterpillars on Earth. Whatever cards I see they are not the full deck as to what we truly are as butterflies.
I explained all I saw and had done to the lady who had requested my friend and a weight visibly lifted from her.
For twenty minutes after this as I drove Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here played in my head until the penny dropped. I told the lady that when she hears Wish You Were Here her friend is close. The song immediately stopped in my head
Good place for me to stop too