Hmm. I'm tired again. I don't mean physically tired. Mentally. Er... metaphorically? Tired of doing the same things. Tired of seeing the same people.This is the price of a calm life. I had trouble. It's gone now.
Now I'm just... tired.
Me and my old soul. I'm world weary and I haven't even seen the world.
I almost don't want to.
How badly I wish I could travel. Just wake up tomorrow and leave. Go somewhere else, to a different part of the world where only one person knows you and shows you around.
Not where you know what has to be done. What has to be cleaned, and where everything goes. The world is more beautiful when you don't know how it works. But I do. I've seen it. Most people are quick to argue with their parents. Not me. I understood. I agreed. I learned.
Sure, I've done my fair share of stupid things, but there are people on meth at my age. I don't have any diseases or missing limbs from stupid injuries, or any psychological trauma.
It's the opposite.
I saw several documentaries... In other countries, any children born with defects are put in understaffed facilities where they rot.
Blind, deaf, mute, anything. They all go there. Some of them are technically adults. In their 20's. But they're still small. They were starved, their bodies stopped making growth hormones. Fully grown. They'll never get bigger. Many of them will never learn to speak. To read. To them, the world is senseless noise, or darkness, without meaning. They eat, they sleep, and they do nothing. Asides from bullying each other or being abused by the staff.
Many of them rock. Back and forth. For hours. Because it's the only stimulation they have. I don't meant to compare myself to that extreme lack of stimulation, but...It's something similar. I feel insane some days. Like everything is the same. I'm just going through the motions.
Occasionally someone touches me. Never for long. They always leave.
Nothing but silence and darkness. And me. Rocking.
Back and forth.