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Okay, so as roaring screams go, it lacked finesse. I'm working on it.

I'm trying to make this drawing thing work for me. Really, I am. I log my seat time, I'm making some small progress, I learn something new every day, I'm having a miserable time, I tend to fill my spare time with scribbling some shape or another, I really try, I study the craft. I want this, okay? I want to create the kind of stuff that makes the whole world go "Wow. That's, wow. I'm... I can't find the right words but I feel compelled to just give you money 'cause you showed me what awesome is and it's you. Would you be cool with that, just some... free money?"

A secret you might not know about me, I tend to make up words that I use for situations where currently existing words simply fail to imply the severity or grandeur I have perceived. For instance, squirky. Squirky is a descriptive word for anything mechanical that wiggles diagonally but shouldn't. Most old washing machines will go squirky from time to time if you put in too many pairs of jeans. A near-synonym would be... wibble-wobble.

Another is one that needs a bit of explanation: assplant. Okay, some of you may be familiar with "faceplant", those instances when someone falls down and the first thing to hit the ground is their face? That's a faceplant. Assplant is different. Imagine someone trying to climb up a wall with a rope. He's parallel to the ground, and he's walking up the wall with his feet and pulling himself up with his arms and the rope. Take the rope away. That's your classical assplant. It's a multitasker word, it can serve many purposes both tangible and intangible. It can be a higher-than-typical level of failure in an endeavor.

I assplanted so hard... It was a violent crash. I figured nothing would help me more than to expose myself (gutterball, I mean expose my drawings) to others, to peers. To people who are pretty skilled. So I went in search of a drawing forum and found one that caters to comic drawings. I joined and have yet to post any drawings. I likely never will.

Those guys, rather than bolstering my confidence, have essentially erased it. The worst art that I have seen there, the completely worthless works that devalue the paper they are crafted upon and could be classed as a waste of time and graphite... are two thousand times better than I am. They, they draw in a way that I simply cannot see as being akin to anything I've ever done. I'm not a huge comic book guy, I've only held a few in my whole life, and they could draw every one of them and likely do it better than the original. I drew a knife last night... It didn't look like a knife. I drew a car the other day, it didn't look like the kind of car I was trying to draw. These guys can create a panel that is publishing quality, and could easily start their own comic if they wished.

It's funny really because I figured I'd learn so much from them and all I've really learned is that I suck so badly as an artist that I devalue the word by using it to describe myself. I know what I want to produce but what I see in my head is nothing at all something I can produce. I know what kind of drawing/paintings I want to make but the concept is lost halfway down my arm and never gets to the stylus.

I suppose this has happened to writers. They have grand ambitions to be good and decide to serve as a typist or fact-checker for a "good" writer only to discover that the good writer is a great writer and they see the heights they'll never reach.


Drawing is 2/3'rds muscle memory, 1/3 practice. The best artists in the world... have no life, because they spend so long on their paintings/drawings. Hours and hours are needed for the most detailed works.

When I first started, I saw my dad draw a circular face. Just a doodle. I was amazed that you could do that with a pen. I had only ever used it to write words, and my handwriting was still pretty bad.

I picked up a pen (not a pencil, I was too stupid to erase) and painstakingly made a broken oval that didn't close. It was terrible.

I was eight years old at that time. For four years, I don't know why, I kept at it. I drew the simplest shapes with a pen, having to try again from the start, because I couldn't erase. Soon I could draw very poor caricatures, scratchy animals...

Then I looked up how to draw a face. Get the circle, the perspective lines... where the eyes go.... I was terrible. I kept at THAT until my faces were only slightly terrible. Then I started on bodies. Now, I'm 19, 11 years later.

I still can't draw a face sideways. I still struggle to draw hands and fingers realistically. The female form is frustrating, and backgrounds, things like rocks and trees, are still irritating as all hell.

Everyone else has a goddamned tablet and can do amazing color works, and I'm still using pencils. It has more detail, but it's painstaking to sketch every single line. My hand cramps, and I still get pissed that a 10-minute tablet drawing in some 'cute' art style is more popular than a super detailed sketch that I took 2 hours to do by hand and shade so that the lighting is realistic.

It's like... when you were a kid and still learning to write and tie your shoes. I thought I could never remember how to tie a knot, or remember the difference between a Q and a G. But now I do it every day.

The difference is, you're practicing a lot more than I did. It was just a hobby for me. I still lack any true dedication. I was just imitating my father, wanting to surpass him. My young mind fixated on the task and gave me just enough desire to not suck.

You want it more than I do, or ever did. In a few years, I might stop caring, and not even draw anymore.

You'll probably get better than me.
Holy spit, I'm the same way with words. I make up my own words all the time.

Also, I used to want to draw and have the scraps to prove it. All pretty terrible compared to my younger brother who draws like a freakin da Vinci.

But I didn't mind so much because I found I was way better at writing that he was. Two artists, but two different techniques. Adding to that, some of the most successful shows on television are poorly drawn. (South Park)

If you really want to draw, keep at it. If not, find somthing you are good at or feel you want to do and work on it. I guess it can be a pain to decide just what your wants really are, though....

Best of luck, mate. Determination...meh. Sometimes it makes you fail harder, lol.

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