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At some point, when I was first coming to terms with what my faith meant to me, I struggled with prayer. I still do. I found it difficult to pray for my sins and understand what the forgiveness meant and here it was coming from. For is someone was to beg of the Lord forgiveness and turn back to their course of actions where is you heart at the time of begging?
Furthermore, considering everything has been witnessed. I have always found it difficult to ask for forgiveness at all, especially up-front. How could I say say sorry when I was filled with his presence coursing through my blood. I felt incomplete, and pathetic, yet remained stubborn.
Before I admitted these faults, and instead would just bicker that I was against prayer I devised a thesis.
It is always better to Love your Father then to Fear him.
,in which case one would not pray for their sins, but instead simply Worship the Lord for his deeds, and Glorify him in heart. Entrusting him to all his actions and his just ways. While accepting whatever judgment he should allow to befall you. For there is no fault to be found in The Lord.

Now however I find it difficult to stand by that statement. Though Prayer is poorly defined int he bible, and I cannot come to agree with the manner of worship, or the level of understanding anyone has had with the Lord.
I fear the Lord now, and I can't understand what that means to me.


I think you misunderstand the word fear here in the context of Scripture. Allow me to explain. To "fear of the lord" is not the same kind of fear when are afraid but rather to be in awestruck by hi. Or to be in reverence of him. By fearing him we gain wisdom as proverbs tells us. Read "The Problem of Pain" by Lewis, for it might be beneficial for you.

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