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'Pinky Pinkerton, and the Dazzling Desperadoes'

This entry is part of a series of entries "The Android Gospels"
'Pinky, Pinkerton and the Dazzling Desperadoes’
(An interlude in the space opera serial ‘Androids do indeed Dream of Heaven, Hell, Dragons and other things’)

Hello folks it’s been a while since my last ‘Pinky Confession’. Well it wasn’t exactly a confession; more a celebration concerning the embracement of my Equiness. A lot has happened since my last quantum recording. The Zooation Palace’s population has grown from 1000 to over 100,000 animal constructs, all with human brains of course, and our area has been expanded to over 8,000 square miles from the 3,000 square miles we were originally allotted. Kingsley and I are now the proud parents of a filly, and a colt, Damien and Delilah. Now I know what you’re thinking, how can animal robots have children? I’ll get to that after I go over a few other things. I need to warn you about my habit of meandering and woolgathering when I tell a story. It my style, so get used to it and pay attention.

Recently my Mistress, Lady Nova and Kingsley’s Master, Barabbas, returned from one hell of an extraordinary trip. It seems they brought back with them a trio of God’s, real walking talking magnificent looking freaking living Gods. Well Goddess’s to be more exact. They call themselves, Gaia, Pandora, and Lilith---right out of legend and myth.

The whole Angerdean nation was in an uproar! Not in the way that you would think, I mean we’re not bowing down or worshipping at their feet or going bat-shit that the Gods are back. It’s not that, many of us in the nation are androids, robots, cyborgs, or constructs with human or synthetic brains, essentially created beings. And to know that there are beings that helped
shape and engineer the multi- universes like we’re trying to engineer ours makes us kindred to them. I met one of them, Pandora, one beautiful woman, but more so as a horse; she shapeshifted into one, which made be almost faint, and gave me a kiss on the nose; much to the chagrin of Kingsley.

They’re fascinating entities to be sure, powerful, mysterious, magical creatures that can only be a boon the Angerdean Nation and our allies. I’m glad that they’re here but for the Zooation Palace’s purposes they don’t offer all that much .They’re fun to be around but their interests are geo-political and religious with a bent for galactic domination which falls in line with Angerdean’s goals. Not Zooation’s concerns at all. We don’t give a shit about world or inter-global affairs. We’re essentially a rehabilitation and recreational center that caters exclusivity to those whose brains have been hijacked. Of course we serve our masters when it suits them and do occasional spying jobs where needed, but for the most part we’re left alone to govern ourselves under the benevolent oversight (most of the time) of Dr. Delemor Bellaforte, head of the department of Human Enhancement and Cloning.

I was more excited about who also was on the return trip; none other than my alter ego Ambassador Pinkerton Linkhorn. Believe it or not I was the first one that he visited upon his return. We formed a weird sort of friendship a few years back when we first met face to muzzle. Our first meeting was traumatic for both of us and I promise you I will tell that story after I clarify a few more things.

My former self, Governor Pinkerton, now Ambassador at large, looked marvelous. He was lean and well muscled. His complexion was clear and healthy. When I occupied that body it was fat, unhealthy and on its way toward self-destruction. All things considered, I think I got the better deal; he had to go through hell to get that body back in peak condition while I just had to come to psychological grips with my new situation. Aside from our markedly different appearances, we were true kindred souls. We had the same memories up to the brain hijack, as well as the same brain patterns. We were brain twins, which made us way more than just brothers. Any hostility I once had towards him was washed away on our first meeting. We were each other’s confidents who truly enjoy each other’s company.

But before I get to the story of our first encounter let me give you a rundown on how Kingsley and I were able to have children. It’s really quite amazing, an evolutionary breakthrough that rivals the advent and emergence of humanity: when a particular species of Ape evolved into what would become known as Man. This scientific paradigm shift is due to the brilliance and genius of my dear friend and benefactor, Dr Delemor Bellaforte. Our relationship is complicated but when it comes down to it, my love and admiration for her knows no bounds.


A while back Kingsley and I went to see Dr. Bellaforte to request that she construct two pony androids to our specifications. We both yearned for a family of sorts and being that our artificial bodies were incapable of having children the next best thing was to have them made for us. She smiled when we made the request and gave a gentle swat to my nose and said:

“My dearest friends I could do better than that. I was just on my way to the Zooation Palace to see if you are both interested in being my test subjects in our experimental birthing study. It would revolutionize the way androids and constructs are made. Rather than just the staff and myself concoct new androids, cyborgs, and constructs, from the body and brain vats with instructional codes full of mathematical, biological, and technological equations, I have devised a way to make it a near birthing experience by using a couple such as yourselves as a sort of a biological and technological template. I’ll supply you with the details if you’re both willing to get upgrades that will alter a part of your physiology. I need to have your answer now.”

We didn’t need to give it a second thought; we both nodded our heads in the affirmative. We were excited and were willing to be test subjects no matter the risks. I told the Doctor to tinker away at our innards. But before our remodeling we did want to be filled in on the details.

Delemor smiled and said:

“You both never disappoint. You will be our new Adam and Eve. If things go the way as planned, the way that Humanity looks at conception and birth will take on a new meaning. Humanity will also be redefined as well. A new dawn is approaching and you my dear Pinky and Kingsley will be the catalysts that will make the dawn roar.”

I never saw Dr Bellaforte so excited. Her eyes were sparkling and her tone was exuberant. Kingsley and I whinnied with excitement. It was Kingsley who said:

“We’re yours to do with as you will. But I would like to know what is it that you intend to do to bring about this new revolutionary birthing method.”

“Well”, Dr Bellaforte said, “there are myriad factors involved which include biological and synthetic overhauls, scientific and technological innovations; brain and consciousness enhancements, as well human and synthetic growth tissue regeneration. But rather than data dumping you with scientific specifications and all the biological-synthetic minutia that’s involved in this project, I’ll give you the simplified version now, for time is of the essence, and if you want the full version at a later date, that research will always be at your disposal. Agreed?”

We quickly agreed as we were quite anxious to get on with it. We gave a hoof’s up.

Delemor chuckled at our variation of the thumbs up and proceeded to give us the simplified version. In a nutshell this is what she said,

“As of now your total body makeup is made of 96% synthetic materials and 4% biological- obviously your human brain makes up for 50% of your biological matter while the remaining 2% can be found in the blood enzymes and proteins that help fuel the brain. The blood ratio is 90-10, the 10% being biological. Through trial and error we found that the human brain needs specific ingredients found in the blood that cannot be manufactured. We formulated a blood formula that addressed the brains blood needs using the ratio that I mentioned, now that total body formula is about to change.

For our animal constructs we will change the blood ratio to 70-30, 30% being biological. We will be adding a synthetic-biological reproductive system that will require more biological components. Right now although you have a reproductive system of sorts, it’s totally artificial. The Female does not menstruate or ovulate. Although the male semen’s mission is the same, to reach the female ovaries, when released into the female’s vagina, the artificial intermingling produces no life, the female’s ovaries and reproductive system only simulates pleasure zones, lubricants and orgasms, the same goes for the males. Now the reproduction system in the male and female will be fully functioning. The female will menstruate and ovulate and release eggs for the semen to comingle and create life with. With our advances in tissue and growth regeneration as well as blood purifications and other bio-synthetic breakthroughs, we now can create life in the female’s synthetic womb.

Once the sperm and the egg have achieved to create an embryo, our team will remove the artificial womb to our birthing labs and ---------

“Just a minute”,
Kingsley said in an agitated voice, “Do you honestly intend to rip the womb out of my belly. I have no intention of being ripped apart for the sake of having little foals. I thought I was going to be relatively safe in this process, being sliced up and sent off to the glue factory is not my idea of a birthing experience”

“I assure you, it’s perfectly painless and entirely safe,
said Dr Bellaforte. “Part of the modifications that we will be performing on your body is to make your womb detachable. No cutting your stomach or uterus open or disturbing any of your body parts will be necessary. We now have the ability to modify your skin that covers your womb area to retract. It’s easy access, with a series of code commands your skin will retract and we can easily remove the womb and replace it with a new one. The skin will close up by giving the same commands. It’s really quite harmless and extremely efficient.

Kingsley sighing in relief said, “Not to be a pain in the ass Doc, but why do you need to remove the womb in the first place.”

“There are many factors involved that make it advantageous for the womb being removed and placed in a lab environment. The main reasons being; we can speed up the gestation period to three weeks rather than the normal twelve months that it takes a non-modified Equine to do.

We can also make sure no anomalies creep in, such as defects, diseases and tissue rejection. The womb would function like our cloning vats. We can modify and enhance brain and body functions as well as making sure the growth regeneration is on an even keel.

For our androids it will only be a five day process. But that process is a little different than yours; your brains are human or totally biological, while our androids brains are mostly non-biological. Having synthetic or artificial brain matter start in an embryonic form and achieve tissue growth to normal levels is no easy task. The science is groundbreaking and breathtaking in its scope. I believe we have fixed the anomalies’ and mastered the science, and if all goes well with you both, we will then start our testing with androids as well as inter-specie integration, such as enabling our beloved Barabbas and Julia to have offspring. That will be a glorious achievement. Their children would represent the best of human and android, they will be the Chosen Ones that will bring us into a new age of the Anhumidriod. Our footprint in the universe would increase by leaps and bounds.

Once the embryos are fully developed we will abstract it from the womb in its infant state and hand them over to you. I forgot to mention only male and female twins will be developed. This will ensure that their future offspring will be genetically compatible. They will be imprinted with attraction and bonding enhancers ensuring a loving and sustaining relationship between them both. It will take about a one year cycle for the twins to fully form into adulthood. They will have a mixture of your traits, personality and appearance and will be pre-programmed with rudimentary language and learning skills. It will be up to you both to educate and train them in the knowledge and skills that they will need in order to be vibrant and loyal citizens of Angerdean and the Zooation Nation.”

Delemor gave us each a kiss on our nose and said,

“It’s time to begin, close your eyes, lie down in the hay, and count to ten. When your eyes open your lives will never again be the same.”

So there you have it, in less than a month we had our two little demons, Damien and Delilah. They’re a handful but we love them. I know the science is much more complicated and intricate then what I just explained, but that is all you’re going to get for now. I don’t want to bore you more than you already are with all-that mind boggling scientific minutia. It’ll fry your brains. Now let’s go talk about my first encounter with my brain twin and the adventure we had in the badlands.


Although the planet of Paladin was in Angerdean’s control when I started my residence in Zooation palace, the badlands, which was just outside of Angerdean County, was still an untamed and lawless land where a large slice of Paladin’s

criminals, degenerates, and vagabonds called home. The Angerdean counsel wanted to keep it that way for various reasons, the main one being that it made a good testing ground for android assimilation.

Lady Nova’s early exploits’ in a badlands were legendary. She was known as a ruthless gunslinger, rustler and badass outlaw. Just the mention of her name made the meanest human cringe with fear. As the years passed she made fewer visits but she still did occasional excursions in those badlands mainly to help train and assimilate the newly made 4.1’s and other advanced androids to world conditions before they were assigned to their life assignments and also because she had a ball playing the gun-slinging cowgirl. She loved playing in the badlands sandbox--- it made her bones sizzle.

Now you all know my early history about my time in that infernal box, the brain transfer and the entirety of the bloody trauma I experienced by one day being a overweight alcoholic human to that of a perfect specimen of a thoroughbred horse.

It took me a little while to get my head wrapped around the fact that for all intents and purposes I was a cyborg horse. I was also claimed as the personal property of Juliana Nova---aka--- Lady Nova. It was love at first sight. She was my Mistress and I was her devoted pet.

Intellectually I knew my brain was tinkered with. They programmed behavioral encodings in my neural pathways to be a devoted and loving pet to Juliana and psychological imprinting to accept my fate as a member of the Equine Species.

Instead of being resentful and bitter about this intrusive bit of brainwashing, I was grateful. Was it not better to live a life happy and content, rather than a miserable, hateful and emotionally crippled one? I also inwardly knew that I preferred being a cyborg horse (Dr. Bellaforte prefers the name ‘construct’.) to that of a broken down old drunk. I was pitiful, a disgrace to the human race. After the initial shock, I realized that I was given a second chance at life.

Juliana gave me plenty of alone time to assimilate to my Equine body and surroundings. She took me out for a few pleasant walks and runs. Juliana trained me in the ways of being a companion horse as well a War stallion. She told me about her life, her dreams, hopes, and wants, as I told her mine. We bonded and became confidants. Juliana made me feel wanted and loved, something that I didn’t feel for a long time as a human. That was a highly emotional time for me, the relational bonding between Mistress and animal companion, the long and revealing talks, and Juliana’s understanding and tenderness. I will cherish that time in my heart till my dying days. It made me the fun loving, well-adjusted and arrogant horse I am today.

Now I suppose it’s time to get on with the tale. It is of course my primary reason for making this quantum recording, yes, yes, I know I ramble and get bogged down in other things, but that’s the way this horse rumbles. My mind wanders in myriad directions. I find nuggets of gold in each thought of past and present memories while also pondering on things to come. I’m fully awake and engaged. But I digress; it’s now time to re-tell the tale of my first meeting and adventure with the android brain that occupied my old body. To say that it was surreal and unsettling is an understatement of epic proportions.


I was nibbling on a swath of grass enjoying its smell, and relishing its taste, when Juliana appeared by my side. She stroked my mane and tail, gave me a few pats on the muzzle and started cooing soothing sounds in my ears. I knew something was up as she only did this to relax or calm me down. I knew I was in for some unsettling news. She gave me one of her sweet and beautiful smiles and said,

“We’re going out to the badlands today to rustle up a few cattle and settle a few scores with some ornery bigoted badass humans. It’s going to get a little rough and tumble out there, so I need you to be at your best.”

I was a little confused and my feelings were quite bruised. Did she think that I would not perform at my best? That I would be afraid and let her down? I only was out in the badlands with her a few times but I thought I performed well. I gave a little grunt and said,

“Do you doubt my courage and abilities? I thought I was doing well as your war stallion!” I was getting agitated and for the first time as a horse I wanted to get stinking drunk.

“No! No! No! I’ve never doubted your abilities or courage. You’re everything I want in an animal companion and a war horse. As a matter of fact aside from my beloved Barabbas, you’re one of my closest and dearest friends. It’s just that I will not be the one riding on you when we go to the badlands. It will be just for this one time, but I need you at your best.”

I felt much better, Juliana didn’t doubt me. I didn’t much care for the fact that someone else beside Juliana would be riding on my back, but I didn’t think it was such a big deal as she was making it out to be. I said,

“If you wish me to have someone else moving about on my back then so be it. I promise you I’ll be your perfect horse soldier.”

“Believe me”, said Juliana, “This is going to be a tough one. I’m doing it for both your sakes but mainly for you. I know you have for the most part accepted your circumstances and have come to terms with whom and what you’ve become. But to become fully liberated and free from your old trappings you need to meet and come to terms with your old self.”

I was stunned. I was about to have the body that I inhabited for some ninety-three odd years sitting on my back. I was getting dizzy and feared that I was going to faint. I tried to speak but words refused to come out. Juliana steadied me, looked me directly in the eyes and said,

“Collect yourself and get your bearings, he’ll be here in about five minutes. He’s almost as nervous and uneasy as you about this meeting. It hasn’t been easy for him. You left that body in pretty bad shape. Although you were an enhanced human you abused almost every organ in that body. You had six liver, three heart, and eight kidney transplants as well as a multitude of blood transfusions and other purification procedures. Your eating habits were abysmal and you were constantly in an obese state. Your vitals were in a constant state of flux. Your body was a wreck from head to toe.

When you woke in your Equine body, you were angry and in shock about being a horse, but you felt strong, powerful and healthy. When the replacement Pinkerton woke, he was in pain, extreme discomfit, and quite disorientated. Pinkerton begged to be put in an android body but we persuaded him to reconsider. We reminded him that he was the first Humadroid. He needed to put his broken down body back in prime shape. We did further enhancements and upgrades to his body while he exercised like a demon, meditated, and purified himself until he reached peak condition.

We imprinted all your memories and thought patterns into his artificial brain mainly because you were a brilliant politician, tactician, and diplomat, when you weren’t high on drugs or alcohol. We need him to be an ambassador in the jewel worlds. It a vital position and we need him to be fully acclimated and ready to assume that task. We need to see what the new and improved Pinkerton is made of by throwing him into the badlands and see how he handles himself. We’re hoping that you, the original Pinkerton, will give him a few bits of advice and guidance along the way.

Can I count on you, my dearest Pinky to get Pinkerton ready to be the Man you once were before you fell into the abyss of your own making?”

How could I refuse her? I nudged her cheek and said,

“I’ll do as you ask. Tell him to meet me in my stall.


Our first meeting was awkward and uncomfortable at best. He approached me tentatively and rather than shake my hand which was impossible since I had none, he patted me on my head, ON MY HEAD, like I was his freaking love starved lap-dog. Well to be honest that is something I would have done when human, how the hell do you greet a horse with a fully functioning human brain near identical to your own. He soon realized the insult and apologized profusely. Patting ones head is only reserved for the dearest and closet of friends, such as Juliana and Dr. Bellaforte. He had to earn that right.

I was also taken aback by his appearance. Pinkerton looked healthy, fit, and quite handsome. I looked like that when I occupied that body some forty years ago when I was one of the rising stars of the jeweled worlds. Then things changed. Memories that I kept at bay for years came rushing back. I saw and smelled the charred and hacked up bodies of my loving wife and three children. Their heads were severed from their bodies and neatly placed on our kitchen table. I’ll always remember their look of surprise. I also remembered picking
up their heads and kissing each on the lips and then collapsing on to the blood soaked floor.

The government claimed it was an act of terrorism from one of the Outworlds. But I knew better, it was from a right-wing part of the government. I was becoming too popular and powerful with the common people. My progressive views did not sit well with many within the corridors of power. They acted to silence me. They succeeded. I was devastated and from that day on I soaked my body and brain with drugs and alcohol. I retreated into my self-made hell and wallowed in my grief.

Pinkerton saw the tears welling up in my eyes and intuitively knew what brought them on. Instead of patting me on the top of my head, he rubbed my muzzle, a soothing and comforting gesture. He said,

“I remember your wonderful and loving family and also feel the pain and horror of their loss. Your memories are mine and I grieve with you. But let’s choose to remember their smiles, laughter, and the utter joy they brought to your heart, and through memory, mine as well.”

From that moment on we became brothers and he earned the right to pat me on the head.


We rode out together to the badlands with our outlaw gang of a dozen newly minted 4.1 androids riding on my buddies’ backs, which were obviously horse constructs: like myself. Juliana told us she’d catch up with us later but in the meantime to rustle up as much cattle as we can. We were to target only the ranches that enhanced humans or cyborgs owned. We were to stay away from non-enhanced humans, robots, or android homesteads or ranches.

On the way there Pinkerton and I talked about many things. It was like, talking to myself, but with a different perspective and take on things. It was odd at first and then it became quite stimulating. He may have had my memories but didn’t have my experience or intuitive grasp of the underlying political currents and power struggle’s that one needed to understand, manipulate, and create, in order to become a major player in the dimly lit halls of power. I told him about some of the pitfalls and caveats of governing, diplomacy, and politicking and what he should expect from his allies and enemies. I warned him that there was a fine line between each. He soaked it all up with the enthusiasm of a new-born. It felt good to be a mentor to a new and improved version of myself.

The Angerdean government has kept the badlands autonomous. They use it as a staging ground for their advanced androids, and now humadroids, to test their reasoning, agility, leadership skills, and a host of other abilities under harsh conditions. The 13,000 square miles of badlands were sliced up in ten territories made up of grasslands, deserts, and rocky terrain. It was hard and nasty country populated by the heartiness of folk.

It was the enhanced humans and cyborgs that controlled much of the economy and owned the majority of the lands in the more prosperous territories. They used robots as a virtual slave force and non-enhanced humans as serf-labor. They left the deserts and rocky terrains full of canyons, and swamps to the lower series androids, high functioning robots and true-humans (non-enhanced) that preferred freedom, even in the worst of conditions, than being under the thumb of the human elites.

We finally reached one of the larger ranches in the territory of Bayboro. Pinkerton and I were in charge of our little gang of desperadoes and we intended to rustle up as much cattle and cause as much panic and havoc as we can. Having a group of super motivated ultra-advanced androids as your gang members, pretty much assured one hellishly mind boggling and rollicking outcome.

Our scout spied a large herd up ahead made up of around two thousand cattle and thirty or so cow wranglers herding them towards the butcher blocks. I did find it offensive that they slaughtered these creatures for the meat, being an animal myself, synthetic or biological, doesn’t matter. Don’t get me wrong now, I’m no animal activist and I’m not against those humans who prefer a good steak now and again or the poor and hungry that rather have a little meat in their stomachs than some indigestible corn floating around in their stools. And let’s not forget about that leather, lots of uses for that. But I do object to the massive scale in which the cattle are slaughtered. No one needs that much meat or leather. That’s why we rustle cattle; we thin-out the rancher’s herd, and bring them to the Zooation Nation to roam free. Uh, Oh, sorry, I went on one of my tangents, where was I, oh Yes, we spied that herd up ahead.

We all spread out and formed a circle around the heard. The cow wranglers saw us and started shooting. Now our synthetic skin is near impervious to bullets, it just stings a little. You would think their bosses would supply them with more sophisticated weapons, like neural lasers or light guns, but that would put a crimp in their profits. We quickly dispatched them and took over the cow-wrangling. We had one of our own hidden ranches nearby and that’s where we were going to drop them off. We had a lot more rustling to do. While we were on our way there we heard a large thundering noise.

It was a large posse of over two hundred mercenaries hired by the rancher. And these schmucks had laser rifles and gamma-light guns. We were screwed. We knew we could take out at least half of them before we got toasted. Running for it was not an option; it would set a bad precedent for Juliana’s gang of dazzling desperadoes. Pinkerton rubbed one of my ears and gave my head a pat and said to all of us,

“We need to charge ahead and use our lightening speed to confuse and unsettle them. We’ll snap as many heads as we can and try to evade their gunfire as long as possible. It’s been a short life for most of us but let us die bravely and with a smile on our faces and a look of defiance in our eyes. Let them know killing us extracts a large price. It’s been fun. Wait until we smell the fear coming out of their pores and then we strike. ”

Pinkerton made me proud. To die with him on my back made me believe that there was some type of divine intelligence out there. I was going to die happy and fulfilled.


Obviously we didn’t die. We charged forwards, backward, sideways, and back and around again and did some lethal damage. We killed and maimed about ninety of them but were slowing down from fatigue and getting hit by the guns. Yes androids and constructs do get tired. Most of us were badly damaged but we continued on. I knew the end was nigh and I gave a blood curdling war cry and utilized the last of my strength for one final charge. And then the sun went dark and the skies became filled with winged serpents. Suddenly there was fire reigning down on us. Oddly enough the fire didn’t affect us but burned the flesh of those human mercenaries. It was glorious to behold. The whole field turned into a human barbeque.

Six magnificent multi-colored cyborg dragons with their companion androids on their backs swooped down and coughed up fire from their mouths. On the largest dragon’s back sat Juliana. She looked like one of the Goddess’s from legend. After they toasted each and every human to burnt meat steaks they all landed on to the burning fields. A group of Juliana’s desperadoes arrived from our hide-away ranch and gathered up the frightened cattle and headed back to that place where we were headed too before we got so rudely interrupted. Juliana and a few medical droids carried us and placed us on the dragons. They flew us back home for repair and rehabilitation. Juliana gave me and Pinkerton a big kiss. She said we both exceeded her expectations. We filled her heart with joy.


So there you have it, mine and Pinkerton’s adventure in the badlands. We became true brothers and brain-mates on that first encounter. It also gave me closure. I no longer yearned to be human again, I much preferred the company of androids and constructs. I still railed about my brain hijacking but it was mainly for effect, I was now a true convert. Long live Juliana, Barabbas, Angerdean and the Zooation Nation, and may I, Kingsley, and my children have all the hay that we will ever need.

The End

©Robert F. Callaci All Rights Reserved.

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