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My usual five AM blog.

I considered keeping a journal... I can never make myself stick with it. I'll try again. Problem is I'm too forgetful.

I'm doing the same thing I usually do. Think too much.

I have a laundry list of things I need to do today.

Why does it have to be so hard to do the simplest things? So irritating? I mention often that I wasn't always so nice. In my youth, I was very negative. On days like this, my mind likes to slip back to that way of thinking. And I remind myself that it's not so bad.

Still trying to find my own peace.

I don't usually believe in bodily energies. Aside from what we've proven exists within us.We do know, however, our state of mind and emotions can elicit physical responses from the body.Surely one who is 'at peace' certainly doesn't feel like there's a hollow space at his core?

I know, I know... Time. But, on most days, it's like Chinese water torture.

You'd think it can't be so bad. It's only water dripping on your forehead. A few minutes later... a few hours, and you're drained of any and all sanity that you have left. Perhaps it's similar to depression. Perhaps it is depression. I don't know. But that's how it feels. You can ignore it. But there it is again. Drip. Drip. Drip.

As most people can see, I'm not hiding away, nor isolating myself by choice. I have been nothing but crazy busy the last few weeks.

I'm finally writing. Drawing again. Creating. But right when I start to feel peaceful...drip. Drip. Drip.

Another thing I'll share.

There are many people who strangely feel isolated from several emotions. Some people NEVER get angry, etc. They may have been irritated at one point or another, but they don't feel anger as strongly as some do. My point is, I can't exactly cry about things. Sure, I see a sad animal abuse commercial or a sad movie ending and the waterworks start.

But when it comes to me, my own actions... I might feel regret. Sorrow. But I cannot cry. It is supposed to be a relief. A release of emotion, and studies strongly suggest you truly feel better. Perhaps I'm, as they say, bottling it up? Do I need some kind of release? Closure? No doubt, whatever it is, that is the tension people often feel coming from me. The angst.

Being, as I am, quite proud to be 'in control' and 'self aware,' it is frustrating to admit I don't know something about myself.

What are the straps holding me down? What is the water dripping on my head? Why can't I break past it?

Aaaanyways, being now nocturnal, it's about bed time for me, before the sun rises. Can't stay up too late! Good night, WF. <3


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Crowley K. Jarvis
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