As a wannabe writer I should be giving feedback to other writers on their work. I don't. I hardly even read to begin with, but I've touched on the subject of not reading and still wanting to write so I'm not gonna open up that subject again.
I've come to the conclusion that I am just using people. I've mostly been seeking advice on what to write to my old doctor. When I first joined this forum it was to get feedback on a section of my fantasy novel ( if it can even be called that ). My own feedback to others? I think I did read some peoples stuff and I did try to make an effort to be a contributing member of the forum, but i think my feedback was..... Well...... Piss poor and lacking in any real knowledge or helpful advice.
I've also started my own group that I intended to allow only certain people in..... Am I just some asshole collecting people? Like dudes on Facebook who just want to have a high follower count? I don't know anymore. I can see why I don't have real friends. I have 0 sense of what other people are feeling.
I've had posts edited and even removed on the survivor forums I go to because of this. And they are always nice about it and tell me I didn't do anything wrong...... I call bullshit. I don't belong on a forum like that. Most of them have been through true hell. I haven't. Damn my life was sweet compared to 90% of the survivors I've met.
i refuse to bump my " one day at a time " topic. I'm not some attention whore. It's the opposite. I like to be left the hell alone, but yet here I am making a new post. I wouldn't if I wanted to keep to myself so bad. What exactly do I want out of this community?..... No. What do I want out of the Internet. That's a better question.
I want to know if my imagination is wild enough to create something others would like to read.
I want to know if my anger over my childhood experiences is even justified.
I want to know if I'm smart enough to do something with my mind, rather than my hands.
i want to know if it's even possible for me to survive in this world that over taxes the middle class to the point we lost everything we own.
and perhaps something others can actually answer..... I want to know if I'm the only adult child out there that sees the world as big, scary, financially unsecured and unsafe. Every day I question my ability to survive in today's world. A few decades ago only the man needed to work while the woman took care of the kids and the house, and that was possible and it worked. Now?..... It's not possible.