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My not so triumphant return to this forum.....

I haven't posted a blog in a while. I haven't posted much at all recently. In fact, since I've come back the posts that I have made have been mostly negative in nature. The last post I made I deleted. Since I've come back I've not offered anything insightful or positive to the community.

As a wannabe writer I should be giving feedback to other writers on their work. I don't. I hardly even read to begin with, but I've touched on the subject of not reading and still wanting to write so I'm not gonna open up that subject again.

I've come to the conclusion that I am just using people. I've mostly been seeking advice on what to write to my old doctor. When I first joined this forum it was to get feedback on a section of my fantasy novel ( if it can even be called that ). My own feedback to others? I think I did read some peoples stuff and I did try to make an effort to be a contributing member of the forum, but i think my feedback was..... Well...... Piss poor and lacking in any real knowledge or helpful advice.

I've also started my own group that I intended to allow only certain people in..... Am I just some asshole collecting people? Like dudes on Facebook who just want to have a high follower count? I don't know anymore. I can see why I don't have real friends. I have 0 sense of what other people are feeling.

I've had posts edited and even removed on the survivor forums I go to because of this. And they are always nice about it and tell me I didn't do anything wrong...... I call bullshit. I don't belong on a forum like that. Most of them have been through true hell. I haven't. Damn my life was sweet compared to 90% of the survivors I've met.

i refuse to bump my " one day at a time " topic. I'm not some attention whore. It's the opposite. I like to be left the hell alone, but yet here I am making a new post. I wouldn't if I wanted to keep to myself so bad. What exactly do I want out of this community?..... No. What do I want out of the Internet. That's a better question.

I want to know if my imagination is wild enough to create something others would like to read.

I want to know if my anger over my childhood experiences is even justified.

I want to know if I'm smart enough to do something with my mind, rather than my hands.

i want to know if it's even possible for me to survive in this world that over taxes the middle class to the point we lost everything we own.

and perhaps something others can actually answer..... I want to know if I'm the only adult child out there that sees the world as big, scary, financially unsecured and unsafe. Every day I question my ability to survive in today's world. A few decades ago only the man needed to work while the woman took care of the kids and the house, and that was possible and it worked. Now?..... It's not possible.

Comments

Hey there, matey. Welcome back!

It's possible to survive, but probably never going to meet any expectations of 'ideal' or 'perfect' - we have to adjust our outlook to align with the realities of our situation, no matter how dire. I have seen some of the biggest smiles and happiest people living in relative squalor, and have seen many a rich man whose soul was rotting. It's a fine line and driven by material possessions more so than bare necessities.

You're smart enough to write shit that people want to read. There's just enough angst in your tone. Best get after it though, because you're burning daylight.

I'll only tell you this because I think it's one of the things in my life I can truly point to as a success: I started out a lazy d-bag as a teen, and didn't go to school much. Skipped like a bastard, smoked a ton of pot, never took my relationships, sanity, health, nor value in the world seriously. Somehow graduated high school, and then had to take whatever job I could. Worked as a dog catcher, no bull shit. Lucked up one day and my buddy's uncle's glass shop was looking for help, so I went into the glass business. Worked as a helper for a year, then got my own truck, started bidding jobs, ordering material, fabricating, and installing my own storefront/curtainwall/mirror jobs, then did service work for a year or two.

Met a guy one day who was looking for help on a job site, and he pursued me for the next few months. Called me, harassed me, and finally convinced me to go work for him traveling as an installer of specialty glass products. I installed a large project for him over the course of the next year and a half, then found a job as a project coordinator at a steel company. I had decided that year, you see, that I would make my living with my brain and not my back. From there, I progressed through the ranks and became a project manager, where I spent four years. From there found an opportunity to launch a company as the production manager for a specialty glass products company right at the start of the Great Recession. Worked there until last year, then took a position with a large, billion-plus-dollar glass company, where I currently work as a project manager.

My wife has not worked in fourteen years, and we take pretty good care of our two kids. I own a home, have mountain bikes and hobby stuff, musical instruments, we eat well, and I've never once thought it 'impossible'. Quite the opposite - we've just adjusted our lifestyle to one income, and I work really hard to continue the trajectory of my career. I take training wherever I can get it, and I ask lots of questions. I didn't go to college and have zero student load debt. So yeah, I guess it feels pretty alright to share that part of my life with you and I hope you can power through the perception you have of what the world has to be like.

Every change has been scary, but always something better has arisen to take its place. Take it slow, and don't sweat it. Listen to good music, smile a lot, let the good in the world bring you lots of joy. Be surprised at magic tricks. Look for gold.

All good things -
P
 
Well...there once was a person that did give some candid advice on the matter. "Shut up and write."

Nike did something similar... "Just do it"

It's a little rude, but it's relevant. You'll think up a thousand reasons and excuses why not, but just put it in your mind to do something and then stick to it and you might turn out okay.

Also, don't be afraid to be who you are. You are negative. So what. Be negative. If you want to be more positive, be more positive. It might not happen immediately, but one foot at a time. If no one wanted attention, no one would be on this site, so don't feel bad about that. In fact, you should really get out of your head and stop analyzing yourself so much and commit to things in front of you. Believe me, I've had/maybe have the same problem. So wrapped up in self and the past.

Best of luck, mate. Have fun.
 
If not for where I live, I would either be in jail or dead by now. I live in a society which provides a very basic safety net for people like me; enough that I don't have to go begging in the streets or doing something illegal to put money in my pocket.


That you can ask the questions, clearly articulate your concerns, tells me that you do have the potential you seek. From there, it is where your passion takes you, or where your needs take you. Needs tend to come first.
 
You had 5 people read what you wrote that thought enough of your words to respond and show support. The only thing we have are your written words, there is no way to judge you or look at you presume anything. Just your ability to share, the ability to craft a sentence and convey a thought was enough for some else to become emotionally involved in your life and well being. No small feat
 

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